This ones for my fellow submissives...

This ones for my fellow submissives...

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2020

I can’t quite believe it’s almost been a WHOLE YEAR since I joined The Cage. I’ve learned SO MUCH, which was the intention behind singing up. I’m often a lurker here but for those of you who I have engaged with - thank you for all of the mini lessons you’ve taught me!

Despite my intention being learning - I’m also reflecting on the fact I’m still yet to meet my first Dom!

My question to you subs is - am I being entirely unrealistic and naive to believe that to give away my gift of submission, for the first time, I should hold out and wait for the undeniable chemistry thats arguably pretty impossible to come by on here? I’ve met some great people, who I really feel drawn to and who interest me, but, something always feels missing....

Did you compromise on your list of wants or did you wait & find the reward upon doing so?

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Sep 13, 2020

One year in 2 days. What helps me a lot is to try and soothe the eagerness that comes with every new person. If you go in expecting this to finally be the one your heart gets racing, you overthink stuff, it gets messy... I'm sure you'll (we'll) find someone that matches up well soon enough ^^

Binding master • Sep 13, 2020

Dear Annabellestasia​,
..... There are two types of Dom, those who just want to dominate and pay little heed to your needs and those who enjoy the Dom-Sub relationship. The second group will learn from the relationship, just as you will learn from the relationship and you should grow together, as you learn from each other. The former type of Dom can seem very exciting to a Sub, but I would suggest that you look for ther second type to form a relationship with.
..... Good luck and best wishes, Binding Master (North Yorkshire).

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2020

Knightsundere - Yes! I too have learned not to get giddy with excitement and I’m doing so, add in endless expectations! I appreciate the little pep talk though, it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone in your pickiness!

Thank you Binding Master - I do hope for the latter, someone who I can grow with is absolutely way up there on the list of ‘must haves”.

J o l l y​(sub female){Nillaw♡} • Sep 14, 2020

Hmm. This is tough for me. I don't necessarily believe in "settling" but I also don't believe it's healthy to have unrealistic or shallow expectations.

When I was getting out of my last relationship I had a whole list of all the things I wanted a man to be for me. However when I met daddy I chucked that list haha. Not because I was "settling" either. He was more important than things on said list.

I know lots of people have a list. And a bunch on that list. The issue is sometimes this list can keep you from someone who is absolutely amazing if you just give them a chance instead of checking off boxes.

I'm not saying this is what you're doing. Or that you should completely throw out what you want in a person. But maybe be more open. Give some people you wouldn't normally give a chance to, a chance. You never know, right?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 14, 2020

Just a few cents to add to the pot, by no means 'advice.'

When i think of the name of this site (i.e., The Cage), it sort of has layered meaning beyond the obvious. i think of a cage as relatively small in the grand scheme of things. As much as the internet shrinks the world, there is still a comparatively small number of people who even see us here. And we're all pretty specialized.
i have a list of needs/attributes. Some i can't really compromise, for instance i'm a bottom and the idea of topping can violate something in me (not in a good way). It's not so much of a "hard limit" as it's just not in me to top, or pretend to be someone i am not.

i define "kink" as our needs/wants, so i look for compatibility of kink. E.g., if a Dom's kinks are pet play, enemas, chastity, degradation, flogging... and mine are pet play, enemas, chastity, degradation, watersports, then i look at the kinks that align, that we each have, and discuss them to see if they are strong enough to connect and form strong bonds. If He hates water sports and i am not a masochist, i look to discover how vital those kinks are to me or Him. i never want a partner to compromise or pretend, 'role play,' something that isn't a need/want (i.e. "kink") of HIs. i don't expect to ever find 100%, so i look to identify all my kinks (i have a pretty fair number lol) and hopefully He has enough self knowledge to where He knows His.

Secondly, i am not opposed to trying with someone where i feel there are several areas of connection and possible bonding places. In person, some things are instant "yes" or "no." i also have found that while i may not meet all of a persons needs, or they mine, sometimes we can meet some of each others needs. It may not be the full 7 course gourmet meal i or He wants, but it may be a very nice desert. i think sometimes different people can provide different pieces to each others puzzle, even though they do not have all the pieces.

i find it's usually my unrealistic expectations that leave me disappointed and when i don't have them, i usually end up with experiences where i am grateful for the bonds we shared.

hank submissive male​(sub male) • Sep 14, 2020

hey I am looking for a domme who doesn't have to be a size 2 I think if I find someone I connect with on a personable level and she and I share things in common it could lead to something but cannot say when i can expect to find her I too have learned things over the yrs If you approach someone and find out what she was all about as a woman and ask what you can do for her other than just a list of sexual ideas and and endless list of fetishes and fantasies that you want fulfilled and think about what it means to serve her or him . They are human beings and should be treated as such no one wants to feel used or taken for granted. a potential dominant does not want to see pictures of your junk and in the first communication and they do not appreciate being treated like fetish dispensers. and a sub does not want to be treated like a atm unless they are into financial domination which is fine for some if they know ahead of time that that is the service their domme likes

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Sep 14, 2020

Trust your instinct implicitly - it will never fail you.
That first impression - is the purest and most accurate.
You don't have to compromise.
Why would you ever wish to?
Life is about that unexpected moment, when you aren't wishing, hoping or seeking.
In that moment, life will bring to you exactly what you need.
Have faith....and a bit of patience.
At this moment, there's a Dominant who will be the one for you.
Until then, continue on your path.
Concentrate on you.
Enjoy the conversations with others.

When you least expect it...that perfect Dominant will be right in front of you.
Promise.

I speak from experience.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Learning } • Sep 14, 2020

What kajira said! Like you it’ll be a year come Nov and still Dom-less...BUT...who I was in Nov and who I am now are two different people. While the belief waxes and wanes I think you will be in the exact right place and be the exact person you need to be when you find your one.

I think, know in general terms who and what you want but also keep in mind who you want and who you NEED may end up being two different beings. Have standards and don’t settle but also don’t close yourself off.

Xx

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Sep 14, 2020

Never ever compromise, but be aware that you may need to sometimes need to look at it differently!
A tick list is great but never tells the whole story !
You as we all do, deserve the best ! But be careful who you discard because they don’t fit your parameters!