Online Vs Real

Online Vs Real

Umberlee{AH/Savage} • Oct 20, 2020

Perhaps not the best way to phrase it but does anyone else struggle with feeling less connected in an online “relationship”

IowaDom​(dom male) • Oct 20, 2020

While the emotions are very real, there are certain particulars that IMHO render online only relationships seriously lacking to RL. the same applies to long distance without personal interaction.

Relationships that evolve and develop here, in text only form, and even with limited voice and or video interactions, miss alot...

1. We tend to "hear what we want to" when we read the others messages, no matter how much we may desire the reality of the situation, we begin to form a picture of the other that simply may not be true. Likewise, it is far easier to enhance yourself in this online world, and the person behind the keys may not reflect the true person at all. Likewise, what I mean when I say something may be far from what you hear in your mind when you read it.

2. How much isnt't there? The soft reassuring touch that says "I'm here, I understand, it's ok", the gentle sigh when you do "it" just right, the way one might shiver, or arch the back, the conjoined collapse into each others arms afterward, a soft cuddle under a heavy blanket with a movie on that neither will recall with any detail tomorrow. Awaking before your lover only to lay there in the still of the morning admiring and appreciating them as they sleep so peacefully next to you.

3. In communications - voice inflections, body language, movements, eyes, oh yes, eyes that tell their truth regardless of any spoken words ...

4. Elimination - I wonder how many people could have been ridiculously happy forever only to discard the person that would have made it come true over a photo, or a blog, or a number.. like age, younger or older. The online world is more a meat market than ever......

I do not advocate avoiding online or long distance beginnings, but at their earliest possible moment when all are comfortable, the "human" equation is an absolute neccessity for it to survive with any hope of achieving a True Dynamic...

Just my 2 cents,
And as always,
Only my opinion
~ID~

DomJayy​(dom male) • Oct 20, 2020

I’ve heard this debate a few times now and although nothing will ever beat IRL, online if done right can be just as fulfilling!

A bad online Dom will think it’s about messaging only, sending videos or pictures and putting the least bit of effort in which creates no intimacy and no connection

If you are communicating regularly and calling and video chatting both to catch up and to play then online can be fantastic! and can build that strong bond and intimacy

There is a different side of submission with online as the fact you have to do things to yourself such as spanking, the idea that you are made To hurt yourself at his/her command Is almost more submissive

Again though I think we can all agree IRL is the best but online can be a Damn good second best if done correctly

Find a good online Dom and it can be magic! Find a bad online dom and it will be like eating sand 😂

Bunnie • Oct 20, 2020

I struggle with it immensely. Having experienced in-person, I know what I’m missing, which sometimes I think makes it worse. @ IowaDom nailed the aspects that I see as defining factors as well... those intimacies that no amount of “imitation” can replace or replicate.

I’ve never been a huge advocate for on-line only, as I saw it as false and fantasy-based, and damaging to the bdsm lifestyle because of the possibility of so much misinformation being passed on by those who rejected learning “the ways” of the community, and believed instead that it was simply about making it up as they went. I do still tend to see it as a fantasy-based concept, however, I no longer feel the need to judge it or to try to differentiate. It’s not necessary to put down how others choose to practice relationships. All I can do is focus on how I do mine.

My current situation is far from my ideal... being on opposite sides of the world, we are on-line. Because it was always our plan to meet, I fooled myself into believing that we were “more” than that, but in reality, we’re not. We have all the wording in place, and have created a beautiful foundation, however it hasn’t yet come to “fruition.” What makes something real, is something that has been on my mind a little bit lately. We feel real. I think we have a created a great foundation, and have definitely overcome a lot of hurdles that don’t necessarily need close proximity to overcome... and may actually have benefited from having the distance between us. There’s still much to go though. There’s a huge difference between a relationship based on knowledge (information based learning) and concepts... and action (putting that knowledge into practice) and experiences.

shortylotus​(dom female) • Oct 20, 2020

To me online was the best way to start out in this lifestyle. It gave me a chance to start to discover who i was and what I wanted without the sexual aspect influencing me so much. At the same time left a lot of questions for me such as how would the online me translate into the real life me. I was a brat online but would a sharp spanking make me more humble in person. 🤔 I was actually very surprised to find out that corrections actually made me more of a brat then online, I thought I might fold. I enjoy my current Dom in person much more because I had a chance to discover myself on here first.

MrsKrisp​(dom female) • Oct 20, 2020

I have yet to have an online only experience vanilla or otherwise. I know I don’t have enough knowledge to begin to engineer an online experience that would be mutually satisfying.

I “met” someone on the other side of the world that I totally carried a crush for very quickly. I feel like if we had met IRL that flood of brain chemicals would’ve ceased a lot sooner. It was exhausting feeling so giddy all the time. The time-space distance and events in his life were more powerful than any connection we were building despite the small ways we where trying to care for each other. It was healthier for him (and me) to stop communicating.

I have once again “met” someone online. This time a little closer in time and space. I am trying to keep a tight control on these giddy/crush feelings. And I want to meet as soon as possible because trying to ignore the fantasies in my head is once again exhausting. I’d rather replace the fantasies with reality and not have to be so very in control of my emotions.

imho, online is exhausting.

Come to me... or I’ll go to you.

alphawolfishere​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2020

I can definitely understand how an online or LDR can be a bit more challenging than a in-person relationship. Here’s what I did to solve that problem...

For starters, I’m open to a Dom/sub relationship with someone, anywhere in the world. However, if I connect with someone and we really vibe on the same level with expectations... then I prepared to relocate that person to me, assuming we’re in agreement with that.

I’ve spent the last few years building my client base and my income to pay for costs associated with travel visits or relocation.

I think it’s very important to not let a good relationship sneak up on you and then you’re wondering what next or maybe you have too many personal ties that restrict you from leaving your hometown.

I set that boundary upfront... if a person is not at least open to relocating—as I am—then we don’t have too much to discuss. If it’s a quality long term relationship, then I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get to her or bring her to me.

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Oct 22, 2020

All above are great points in the pros and cons of each . The reality is very far different for each person. While online only does have a huge amount of draw backs you can't discount some people can only do online one reason or another.

"Real" life BDSM is a game changer for a lot of us. You get more feelings of peace kneeling in real time then you do online. But what about the submissive/slave who can't kneel in "real" time?

No two relationships are the same. What works for one might not work for another..

If what works for you and gives you the feelings you need who cares what others think?

Because of covid and my job I WONT meet anyone real time atm. I CANT! doesn't change who I am at my core. Doesn't change the fact that I want to meet someone. I CAN'T and WONT because covid sucks and can kill a client and end my job.

Let each person love their life and have the relationship that works for them.

Alpha Wolfe • Oct 24, 2020

For me online is how it can begin. It starts the friendship. Builds the foundations so to speak.
I couldn't do purely online. If I found someone who agreed to being solely each other's, it would have to involve meeting and being together

Bunnie • Oct 24, 2020

A recent realisation has brought to light that it’s like trying to compare apples and oranges. On-line BDSM and off-line BDSM are simply not the same thing. My confusion always stemmed from thinking that they were, and trying to rectify how. I see now that they’re actually very different... one no better than the other... it’s simply a matter of determining which one we choose to live. On-line may have started as a sub-culture, however in this world of creating virtual worlds and lives, it is very much it’s own lifestyle now.