No dommes want me ???

No dommes want me 😭😭😭

ShadowyXx​(sub male) • Dec 10, 2020

Hello everyone. Hope your day's going well. I'm at my wit's end folks. I have tried and tried and tried to message lots of different dominant females to show my interest, but I never get any responses. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Maybe it's because I'm too young? Women in general don't like younger males and it's sad because its really difficult for me to find my special someone. And the few who do are usually scammers I wonder if anyone else is having the same issue?

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Dec 10, 2020

Maybe it's because you're one of a thousand guys on here sending Dommes unsolicited messages. You need to calm down. Try becoming known through what you post in the forum, on your blogs, or say in the chat room. Take classes and improve your skills. Get an idea of who you are and what you want....as a person and as a s type. Finally.....DO NOT message Dommes. If they are interested, they will come to you, either here on in your local community.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Dec 10, 2020

Ditto Kara.

@ShadowyXx

This is meant to help.

The title of your thread it "No dommes want me." To which i would reply: "Who are you?"

Your profile is sort of generic and virtually empty. You have made only one forum post (am assuming it's this one?). What i am saying is similar to Kara, know yourself, learn how to articulate who you are. Participate in community and become visible, because right now, you are invisible... unseen, unknown. You are not presenting yourself, so what is there for a Domme to want? Does that make sense to you?

Who are you? i do not think that can be answered in a few words in an ad or on a profile. i think it can be demonstrated in interaction with others though. Maybe try reading blogs and forum posts and respond with your thoughts and feelings. You will then become visible for Dommes, and others, to see and respond to.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Dec 10, 2020

Kara is spot on. What kind of messages are you sending? If they are any less than a paragraph, honestly don't do it!!!!!!! sentences please no really, please use sentences (oh gawd please do) and a few of them (sentences) if must contact a Domme. Talk about their profiles but for frack sake don't offer then your undying submission. you NEVER offer that until you've got to know them. I think a little differently than Kara but not that different that I disagree with her advise. My advise (in short hand) is do what she and tallslender suggests but also practice writing to a few Dommes but reach out as a "friend" (with no HIDDEN agenda other than friendship, if more grows perfect) learn to talk to women that are Dommes. Learn that they actually seek the same things as vanilla women do. They/we want relationship and commitmenttoo. Being Domme doesn't make us different, we just "love" a different way. Yes we all want "fun" but when you highlight your wanting "fun" it does tend to read as the ONLY thing you seek...and sweetie, no woman wants to be used for JUST fun! No woman wants to be JUST anything.

think of yourself like a product. You need to make it stand out on shelf. You need to makes sure its seen. If its not selling you need to take it down and give it a good and honest look over. If its not selling why? You've just had two people, now me tell you the same thing! Balls now in your court.

also look at your adverts, long and hard. They both scream "I'm confuzzled and very lost" We get your new to kink and there is no shame in that but saying that you also need to know who you are to the core. Right now a blind person can see, you don't know you. You just need to see that and your set. Your not a bad looking dude, your young, your a lot more things than you realize. If you put in the effort those things will pay off. Be prepared to spend hours a day looking and marketing yourself. Your one of millions, you need to stand out for all the right reasons. If you really are submissive then that effort will pay off. Dommes see right though those that aren't. If your after a good time and very little else...honestly walk away now. If you are serious maybe look into seeing a ProDomme to take off the edge, you'll either run off screaming into the night or it will cement your choices. Find yourself within the community. Find yourself sexually. find your submission and others will find you.

Just to cement what we're talking about....right now your advertising your a switch.. Think about how a Domme will view that? or that you just want some "fun" (Does she have no other value to you than your cocks pleasure?) If she is a Domme (her role is set, not fluid and your asking for a Domme in the add), she isn't a top (what you say your now looking for). You just took out 1/2 your potential market with a few short key strokes (unintentionally?). In the same advert you then say "Tbh I'm more of a sub myself, but I absolutely believe I'm capable of dominating ANY woman mwahahaha >" that statement alone is enough to eliminate a great amount of the other half you had still looking for you! you also make a joke of it (scarasm doesnt read well in text) So your really saying to the reader SHE doesn't matter again and its a GAME to you. THINK from more sides than just the one. Your a "package" so your words are part of that too.

You got this! just refocus. Give it time. Give it effort. Invest in yourself and grow to realize this lifestyle isnt easy and there are not enough Dominant women..but if you want one, you need to do the hard stuff oir you get left on the shelf.

your on the right track..I know it all reads like we are down on you. We aren't! We wouldn't reply if we felt you where not worth the effort.

ShadowyXx​(sub male) • Dec 10, 2020

Thank you for your replies, everyone. All of you were very professional and articulated your words nicely. After reading through these, I've gained lots of insight on how this online world works, as well as how to improve both myself and my profile. This was interesting.

Here's a little insight as to what my thought process was when going into this. I'm very young and relatively inexperienced with regular in-person dating, so you can imagine how confused I was in this ONLINE world. These sorts of websites have always given off a "Hey big boy. Are you looking for a sexy, fun time? Do you wanna have amazing sex TONIGHT? Come on in and meet the women of your dreams now!" kind of vibe. I was under the impression that all females using this site wanted the same thing I did; a quick hookup for sex. All dommes wanted to instantly find boys and fuck them so bad, they leave crying.

For me personally, the idea of finding a "dream domme" instantly over the internet gives me a type of euphoric rush. Meeting a stranger like this feels so wild and "out there" and made me excited to try it out, so I subconsciously expected everyone using the website to have the same attitude as me. However, in hindsight and after reading through your messages, I see how wrong I was.

Everybody is different. No two people are exactly alike, and that of course includes dominant females. It was wrong of me to assume every domme wanted to instantly hit it off with cute subs and would be interested in me without getting a chance to know me or who I am. Going forward, I'm definitely going to make an effort in expressing myself in a much healthier way. I was always respectful to dommes and would never behave in a rude or condescending way. That being said, I think I still made assumptions in the back of my head, and that was wrong.

Well, that's all I have to say. Clearly, there's still a lot left I have to learn. I hope i didn't sour anyone's opinion of me. I promise I'll do better. Have a great day!!

Schatzi​(switch female){Yes} • Dec 10, 2020

I can add nothing to what has already been said. You've been given the best advice that could probably be written.

I will add two statements from my personal perspective...

Your handling of the responses you received and the willingness to look at all points speaks to your honesty on a certain level. That is in and of itself, appealing. Always be honest and genuine.

And two

Use caution and completely disregard the thought of a quick hook-up because of your age and inexperience. There are many dominate females who would jump on it strictly for their own sadist pleasures and then stroll on. And an experience like that can do more damage to the sense of confusion as you described while at the same time giving you an unrealistic view of dominant females. It's just not a good situation. It is better to take longer by learning more about yourself and this lifestyle while improving yourself as a communicator and submissive than to leap off a cliff into more confusion and broken dreams.

FetishPet​(sub trans woman) • Dec 10, 2020

I've talked with many Ladies of Dominance and known a few in real time over the years. Most agree the ratio of sub cis male, sub tg, sub cis f, is like 15,000 to 1! So... the perception a Lady of Dominance is "looking" is only in the mind of the searcher/s. (imo)

I don't have any answer to how you may find her except to make; everything about yourself exceptional, one of a kind, amazing, while you really work at learning how to communicate.

Words like, me me me, do me, do me, I, I, need, want, are usually deal breakers.

wish you luck!
Denise

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Dec 20, 2020

So, you've been on the site since April, you've made three posts on the forums (two of them for this thread), and your profile reads more like a do-me bottom looking for play from a top rather than a submissive looking to serve a dominant.

That's fine, just be aware of the terms you're using. People see "sub" and they can expect someone with some skills who is looking to serve them in certain ways. Do you cook, clean, chauffeur, run errands, give manicures / pedicures, massage, have handy-person skills, gardening skills, etc.? You specify a cis-gender female dominant: are you looking to reproduce with her, or is there some other reason for this specific statement? Does she have to be able-bodied, or do you have experience working with differently-abled people that you can put to use in assisting with both service and a scene?

That is, what can you offer a dominant other than the choice of yet another rear to spank?

Are you quiet and obedient? Brash and bratty? Are you looking for local, in-person play; or online-only sessions? If local, how far outside of your area are you willing to travel?

What can you offer a dominant, and are your constraints?

Some groups have online munches now because of the pandemic. You may want to find some that are based in your area just so that you have some local connections when it's safe to start meeting in groups again. You may find this helpful: http://findamunch.com/category/locations/united-states/delaware/

Good luck!

Pockets • Dec 20, 2020

Well I’m not sure about everyone else, but when I read your profile there are two personal ads at the top. One for a submissive male seeking a domme, and the other is for a dom seeking submissive females. For a switch that makes reasonable sense, but for a sub it really doesn’t.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Dec 20, 2020

Good point, @barron: @ShadowyXx may be new enough that he may not even know what a "switch" is.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=switch

https://thecage.co/personals.php?Board=view_category&CatID=12