Once a liar always a liar?

Once a liar always a liar?

inyourheadtoday​(sub female){Not Lookin} • May 19, 2021

Not that it has happened to me - lol lol lol...not really laughing though...

If someone lied to their partner in one relationship does it mean they will lie in their next relationship?

If you know they lied how do you rationalize trusting them?

How and do you forgive them for past lapses in integrity and give them the benefit of the doubt things will be different with you?

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • May 19, 2021

I think it is very hard in this lifestyle to trust someone who has lied previously, I have trust issues from being cheated on , so I have a hard time believing people or trusting that won't happen to me again. has it gotten in the way of relationships, sometimes but it hasn't prevented them. trust is earned and I think that it just takes time to know or believe they won't lie or cheat on you like previous partners might of.

SugarCookie​(sub female) • May 19, 2021

Tigers dont change their stripes. It's not up to you to forgive them for their past. History repeats itself. They are literally waving red flags in your face. Run dont walk.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • May 19, 2021

I think people can change. But I also think most won't. You have to take blame and be accountable to change. There is no "I will change for the right person". The only person who can change their cheating or lying ways is them. Until then (if ever... doubtful) they will just continue to validate their actions. And don't trust their promises of "I do take blame. I am accountable

Lived that one... and was never able to speak of it again when I was in doubt... luckily I only lived it for a month. Actions only for people who actually want to change. It is not an easy road to earn back trust or forgiveness. It can be done... but if your really sorry, you don't get to make up the rules on how. You can to accept the conditions on how to fix it.

Bunnie • May 19, 2021

It’s always been my belief that we *can* change in a sense of simply learning to be more mindful, and that many want to, however, simply may not know how (there is no set manual after all). I also believe it’s imperative that it comes from a place of wanting to work for that shift within ourselves because of our own recognition for the need, and not because of that of others.

If I see someone making that effort, I will always be in their corner cheering them on. What I’m not willing to do though, is sacrifice myself so that another can continue behaving in a way that causes harm. It is possible to care about and support people on their journey in a loving and completely honest approach, with boundaries in place that keep ourselves safe from harm, or perhaps even to simply maintain and honour our own personal moral values. I’ve learned that it’s never easy to implement those boundaries with people we may not have had them with in the past though... difficult, however, not impossible.

The other factor is that in general, we as people, really truly only seem to learn, when we unlock the secret to the questions ourselves, rather than others simply giving us the answers. There is a very distinct difference between knowing and understanding. Hence why I say the drive needs to come from ourselves. I think that’s where lasting change occurs.

When it comes to liars in particular, I always try to take responsibility for my possible part too. Am I approachable? Have I created a space that that person can feel safe in to come to me with complete honesty and transparency? Am I shutting them down in any way?

Lastly, I don’t take it personally. Someone lying is not a representation of me (if I have checked myself on the above). It is a representation of how safe that person feels within themselves to be vulnerable enough to speak from a place of truth. Not many people are actually comfortable with that. It requires a lot of self-work, in my opinion. If we look at the concept of where the line is drawn around “lying,” I still find that many, many people believe a “white lie” is ok. This is something I have discussed a lot with many different people, as it’s a topic I find quite interesting. For a seemingly “black and white” concept, there seems to be a lot of grey.

And as for trust. Trust is just one of those things that requires faith. There are no guarantees in the realm of trust, regardless of a persons past.

Defender​(dom male) • May 19, 2021

I grew up with liars.

I could always tell they were lying.

Their lips moved.


My experience?

They don't reform.

They just tell you they have.

House Talion​(dom male) • May 19, 2021

Does lieing make you a liar? Politicians lie everyday and they get paid for it. Parents lie to their children and they're loved for it. Some may say being a liar is the inability of telling the truth while others may say it's when someone lies just to get out of trouble. Life is full of lies and liars.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male){CurvyB} • May 19, 2021

Most I have run into never repent and reform from their lying ways, the biggest problem is they know no other way to behave, let alone even know they are untruthful, they have internally lied themselves into a trap of self deceit that is very hard to climb back out of.

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • May 19, 2021

In my experience a Liar is always a Liar.
They lie in order to whitewash who they are, lie in order not to take responsibility for their actions, to manipulate, to be perceived as the good one or as a victim while the whole world is against/after them.
If it seems they are taking their effort to be honest or take responsibility etc....it is yet another lie in order to manipulate.


They never change....

Honesty comes from within...to love oneself is to be honest with oneself and...Once you achieve that, there is nothing to stop you from being honest with others....

HEAVEN'S STARCHILD​(switch female) • May 19, 2021

For some, this holds true as with once a cheater always a cheater. It all depends on the person if they are willing to be honest and open with someone in any dynamic. I used to be able to tell when someone was lying to me (especially men) Now, I just say ok to whatever is being said (depending on the topic in question) I know I won't get the same honesty I have given in return. So now all I hear is blah blah blah. Sad isn't it?