Stereotypes

Stereotypes

SageFlame​(sub female) • Aug 1, 2021

I'm sure we have all been stereotyped. What are your thoughts or experience with others stereotyping you?

Here are a few to prime the pump:

All housewives are sexually frustrated.

Construction workers are all horndogs.

Women with big boobs have big sexual appetites.

Short men have a chip on their shoulder.

Lawyers are liars.

Surfers are beach bums.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Aug 1, 2021

Wait... Construction workers aren't horndogs? Damn, I'm gonna have to get off that "NailMe" dating site "for men who build". sheesh

Stereotypes can be sticky stuff. If you meet enough of a type it's hard to disconnect from that. But important to try.

Unfortunately in some cases, the stereotype is pretty consistent. What I do is just not start up with the person if their behavior starts to smack of some of what you mention. In other words, I don't run around shouting that all short men have a chip on their shoulders. I just don't date them if they seem to. The last one who asked if his being 5'7" was a problem was lying. I'm 5'1" and if I can see the top of your head, you are not 5'7" so instead of worrying that he has a chip on his shoulder when he complains I refuse to see him again, I focus on the fact that I don't date liars.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Aug 1, 2021

It's simple. Too many people genralize and assume too much. Out of fear and ignorance. People that complain about trust issues are dangious IMO. Because they assume the worst far too easily. I'll hurt you but if I do it will be honest. Anyone saying they never will is a liar.

Some people aren't afraid of the truth. They can handle it.

Others will make excuses for their trust issues to refuse to even try and understand. If you don't even try to use your brain then you bring that on yourself. The despair as well as the boredom. You don't want to play, you just want to wallow in self pity. Like I used too in the past. So I assure you, I know full well the BS excuses people make.

I lived my past in fear. Because I saw the worst of the world. People with trust issues speaking of how they value it... yet never trying to find the truth. People that claim to know it all... while never asking to find out. I hated back then. And I mean burning intense hatred, Darth Vader style. I controlled it but it burned like the hottest sun. All because of lying, filthy hypocrites that contradict themselves. I hated so much that I wanted to burn the world and set it on fire. People like that, people that harp on about how they value something yet then completely brush it aside, it's the hypocrisy. "Should" This. "Shouldn't" that. Am I the only one seeing a problem with this? Newsflash. It violates choice itself. The reality is that you just don't like the situation and want to judge it. But it's the situation nonetheless. Telling people what to do, only ever emplying fear tactics without incentive (which is what people do when they use the law as an excuse for example) only ever cause others to be afraid. And fear does indeed turn to hate. Is that what people want?

Not me. ended up looking into a mirror. Never again will I make mistakes like "Should" or "shouldn't". Never again will I make the mistake of misspeaking for others when you choose what to do. I only ever say "This applies regardless" when I am 100% certain of that. And will prove as such if people aren't afraid of being proven wrong. I don't mind being corrected either. But it has to be proven. If you claim to value honesty and trust then look for that proof.

But it's easier for people to beleive what is convenient instead of what is true.

The reality is that too many people are afraid and make excuses to not try and be understanding. "Oh I'm bored". Did you ask about what when you don't even know? "Oh, that black guy running away." Before a police officer shoots him in the back despite being unarmed. Give that some very careful thought. That people assume and genrealize and demonize. Claiming their moral high grounds as they make excuses. It's pathetic. it's hypocritcal. It's ignorance and lies. even the law abuses. Even morals do. Do people talk about that? Oh how easy it is to judge and look down on what you don't understand. Yet look at how they try to sidetrack and change the topic when their fragile little worlds are torn down. Some people learn and improve. Others don't even want to consider at all. Which can be trusted?

Broad statement here. Genelize there. It just never works. Then it sprads. Infects. Making so many sheep. It's not addressing context of a situation. It's just going "I don't like it". Well tough fucking shit. Life isn't fair. Life can be hard and cruel. Deal with it. Or curl under a rock. But no matter what anyone says everyone has a choice. Though of course people need to be aware of the options. Instead of shaming them, guilting them, making it about only one side of the story and not the other, maybe try to understand. maybe ASK. Everything else is secondary. If it's not about the understanding then you're fucked. Simple as that. Oh sure, you can pretend a situation doesn't exist. Turn your back on it. But then you find yourself in the next one. And the next.

People that see the worst that easily, people that only ever assume and make targets, they don't know. They just assume they do. And I could name a few people on this site that are like that. Just because you don't bully and abuse with intent doesn't mean you don't assume the worst. The pain you inflict wihtout intent is 100x worse then any honest pain. It's a world full of fear. And more people could do with challenging it. Some listen and learn. Make it about understadning each other.

The rest can burn for all I care. Because if they don't give a shit then why on earth would I? We all operate on the bases of incentive. But it's only found through understanding. Not "I assume this and never take you at your word that". Maybe when someone has trust issues it's because THEY have trust issues. Maybe the problem isn't others. Maybe it's YOU when you never claim responsbaility for your own assumptions. So of course you're going to get caught up in arguments. As you dare to value truth and honesty yet constantly LIE to yourself over and over.

People also claim to want proof. But I don't enjoy going "I told you so" when I warned them. I don't enjoy having to say "You didn't trust me". But at least in a situation like that they get the proof they wanted.

So when someone never assumes, when someone never sees the worst and projects from their past and just plays and never stalls, I know how brave they are. People that kind often know the pain of that fear. But that's all it is. Fear. It doesn't stop me. Or some others I know. For we can look past the monsters. And those that only ever judge and look down on others? They're not just monsters. They create them. That's even worse.

Honestly, I have to wonder if some people even know what honesty and trust even is before they assume so much stupid BS. I won't name names. But I will say people like that are hypocrites. I have more respect for people when they admit it. For then they're no longer lying. I want exactly what others want. Some flipping honesty. But unlike some others I actually value it enough to pursue it at any cost. And that is why I won't demonize a group of people. They each have their own pasts, their own reasons. But who MADE them?

Was it you?

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Aug 2, 2021

I got you..

Tall people must be really good at basketball

Tall guys love short girls

Black people must vote a certain way

Black guys only date white girls

Masters don't love or care about their slaves

Slaves have no voice and are treated like shit

LordofPain56 • Aug 2, 2021

I'm short (reached my peak height at 5'-6") and now in old age, I seem to be shrinking even more. I'm a thin, wirey fellow too. Someone once said that I have a Napoleon complex. There's a stereotype for ya. Ironically, though, I'd be the last guy you'd ever guess would be a sadistic Dom. I may not look the part, but I can't help but swing a mean whip.

poppyclaire​(sub female) • Aug 2, 2021

If you're submissive you're weak and/or open to abuse

If you have multiple partners you're immoral

Because I'm reserved about sex people assume I don't like it

Having short hair means I'm a lesbian (apparently 🤷🏾‍♀️)

Madame Eire​(dom female) • Aug 3, 2021

For me its the following:

Dommes love having a sub/slave in chastity
Dommes are bitches and do what we do because we hate men
Dommes are really subs who just need to be taught the error of our ways

I could go on, but think I'd end up needing to smack something or someone for stress relief

Bunnie • Aug 3, 2021

slaves are doormats/weak.

Masters are monsters.

Sadists are abusers.

Masochists are damaged.

People into edge play are dangerous and ignorant.

A female can only be capable by being masculine.

Anyone who desires to be a stay-at-home parent/submissive/slave/partner, is a lazy gold-digger.

If you’re not interested in politics you’re ignorant/stupid/“part of the problem”/uneducated.


The list could go on forever…


“I'm sure we have all been stereotyped. What are your thoughts or experience with others stereotyping you?”

I find it beneficial. It tells me a lot about the person.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Aug 6, 2021

@ Bunny
Quote "“I'm sure we have all been stereotyped. What are your thoughts or experience with others stereotyping you?”

I find it beneficial. It tells me a lot about the person."

My thoughts -

There always seem to be layers so I will do my best to explain without writing a novel. Part of this will bring in personal issues and as much as I am hesitant to bring them into the picture I am equally motivated to do so. I have gained much from others sharing and hope to pay it back. Without doing a deep dive - I am helping my teenage son with behavior issues, black and white thinking and the like. One aspect of this is to bring in as many opportunities for empathy to seed in his subconscious as well as cognitively in discussions. He has grown much in the last 2 years in compassion for others and himself. But. . . there is one big sore thumb. He has a fear of certain people groups. He didn't absorb this from me but I leave it to you to guess who. As the custody case continues my son's mind is used as a weapon against me. Hurting my kids upsets me like nothing else. So they has been targeted. How do stereotypes fit in here? In order to challenge my son's distorted thinking I needed to understand how those beliefs were formed.

I honed in on stereotyping. Dug further and now digging into schemas. I want as many perspectives as possible to help me understand this fully. At some point, it usually becomes obvious how I can take action; sometimes non action in order to create positive change.

What I find fascinating is that even when someone realizes they are stereotyping, they defend the stereotype. My dig into schemas I think will bring light as to why.

*********************************************************************

Anyway, you asked another question. My experience with stereotyping.


__________People stereotyping me , I will add a debunk as well.

- I am liberal because of the state I grew up in, California. No one asks, they assume. Currently, do not subscribe to a political parties agenda.

- I am too immature to raise a child. At 15, my first son was born. No help from my parents who kicked me out. My grandmother drove in to help me every other weekend. I had been caring for children since age 11 and the ladies at the Le Leche League meetings answered all my questions. I cared for him , worked and took college classes at 17. He is self taught ( I homeschooled him too) and has worked in MIS since the age of 18. He was my easiest child.

- I am a helicopter parent because I homeschool. LOL. I also get that comment that my kids will not be well socialized. They are age appropriately independent, involved in the community from a young age. I don't emulate the public school system so we have time to get out in the world. They have been socialized among a wide variety of ages. They are not social media savvy so they have deficits there. No one has the bees knees when it comes to education. All methods have flaws.

- I am not very submissive since I am outspoken, ambitious and have big goals. Truth - I grew up a house mouse, people pleaser and have found my voice in recent years. Part of my self discovery is this thing called a D/s. I naturally fall into my sweet spot as a submissive. The invention of sliced bread can't come close to the greatness of discovering/exploring desires.

- I am a Domme because my username is SageFlame, I come across as outspoken and decisive. * see above. 0% Domme

- I am privileged because I came from a well to do family. Wow - It was all about appearance with my family of origin. My dad provided stable income but was careless with money. We were taught early never to speak of money or go out of the house without looking picture perfect. My grandmother bought us clothes for Christmas because of financial problems. I bought my own first car, saved for my own first house. I have helped my parents more then they ever helped me. They eventually were swallowed in their debt and lost everything. My mother came to live with me for a few years to get on her feet. Appearances can be so deceiving! ( Needless to say I am big on money management)

People I have stereotyped. Wowza, yep I am putting it out there.

In the past:
- I have believed that American's are all self centered and just one big ME culture. I have been proven wrong.
- Christian's are racist and homophobic. Proven wrong again.
- Gym rats are egocentric. Wrong.
- Artists are always searching for who they are. Unstable. Yep, another bogus thought.

Jeez Loweez this is a long post! But I wanted to give you more than a few token words, Bunny*

Master Raf​(dom male) • Aug 7, 2021

Interesting thoughts....