What do you want as a dominant?

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 28, 2021

Hi DaddyPP,
Hmmmm, I have been away and was joyously enticed by some sentiments here. I had a blast! Please, I invite you to my recent blog for some intellectual stimulation.
Remember, tread lightly and careful not to trip.
Peace

MrVesper​(dom male){Not Lookin} • Oct 29, 2021

It is interesting more submissive's have responded on this thread then dominants.

What I want is private and between myself and the others who choose to submit.

I have found, even before the wonderful and thoughtful Sasa posted, this open ended question in a public forum usually ignites a spirited dialogue. Dominants are no different than submissives when it comes to the complexity of their tastes, fetish, desires, wants needs, subtleties.

People have filled hundreds of millions of pages, blogs, and tiny bytes of information of insight trying to boil away the subterfuge and arrive at simple digestible truths. A lot of thought and experience goes into all these deep thoughts which attempts to translate a very raw emotion.

Perhaps what a dominant wants is the exact same thing a submissive wants? After all, they are both the flip side of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 29, 2021

I would love to see more responses from doms, the more insight into the intricacies of practice would be lovely.

Perhaps submissives are generally more active on the forums and blogs?! I see many dom profiles online but with no presence in these shared, informative spaces. Doms, come play with us and share your wealth of knowledge!

Fully understand self preservation, but remember, subs are constantly sitting before Other - naked, without mask, vulnerable. Is this seen and valued outside the private union of a D/s? (not saying that energy of a D/s should be shared - it is sacred and should be guarded) How do subs get insight into a doms perspective/world without the risk of engaging in private message? (And yes, it is a real risk for many).

I must say there are some beautiful exceptions where doms continue to share and engage in blogs and forums. They have such valuable knowledge, harness respect and model a presence of integrity, wisdom and high standards of conduct. Don't ask me how they create that online but I like to eat it up when it passes my greedy sponge of a brain!

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2021

I agree with Betty. I love to see Doms participating in the forums and blogs.
There seems to be a distaste of learning from other doms or sharing information among certain doms. Not sure why that is but I know we would have a stronger better community with doms being more open to it.
I absolutely love reading what other more experienced submissives have to say. Dominants are definitely helpful too, but it’s nice to be able to discuss my thoughts with another submissive.
Anyway sorry to be another submissive taking over. Who are the real dominants around here? Submissives are dominating this conversation and you’re just going to let us?!

TrophyHunter​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2021

Just about anything non sexual I would want from a generic "sub", I would want from any close friend. Specifics very much depend on the other person and the relationship that develops, both of which should evolve over time. So the very general ones:

-compassion for others
-openness to learning (which requires acknowledging one's wrongs and weaknesses)
-intelligence
-dedication to what they're passionate about, including the relationship
-a relative lack of toxic personality traits, and point 2 being applied to those which they (as we all do) have

I find getting overly specific sets you up to have a stunted relationship when you try to cram the other person into a box that only vaguely resembles them. It can sabotage things with great potential, like expecting the taste of an apple makes an onion disgusting.

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • Oct 29, 2021

What is their job in your life?

What do you want? What are your preferences?


@Ms. Sasa - wonderfully critical questions! Love the introspection!


Their role in my life is to be the very best of themselves. ONLY in this way do they truly bring me honor and serve me authentically and honestly.

I want a woman in all of her wildness to own who she is in full glory.
I want a partner who is willing to dig in the emotional mud with me and clean out the fears holding both of us back from being who we desire and ultimately are intended to be as people.
I want a friend that can live accountable in both directions.
I want a submissive that sees the strength, value, and inherent design of my dominance as the very air they breathe.

I want long tedious conversations about nothing and everything.
I want her to be an open book. Exposed heart, mind, and soul to me. I want to read those pages greedily, expectantly, voraciously.

I want her to know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I would protect her in ALL ways. Including from my own fear, doubts, insecurities.

I need her to be a woman of deep character. With healthy boundaries. Rich integrity. As long as she has healthy values and core truths she holds to fiercely she will be able to serve me authentically.

I want my submissive to honor what makes their heart sing. After all, I want her to be the best of herself. She must have the strength to pursue, however nonsensical it may seem to her at the time, all of her desires.

I want a submissive in service to me to be deeply feminine. In touch with who she is as a woman. When I ask for her to kneel naked before me I want to look into her eyes and see the humility and pride she holds in being owned. Her femininity is richly folded into her desire to yield and serve.

I want her to have a powerful voice. I expect her to have a mind and use it. She is no one's doormat. She has opinions, points of views, wisdom, understanding from her years on her journey. I need someone whom I can trust to be a varying voice of reason. She is my greatest asset.....I expect to lean on her insight. No meek, timid, or passive submissive would ever work for me.

They serve me on my journey by being fierce. I want her to stand up when she needs to, with grace, and deference. Taking no shit or backing down from those things she needs. In this way she supports me in a structure and way of life that fulfills both of our souls.

I want her to be soft. Gentle. Vulnerable. Uncomfortable. Fragile. There will be moments when the world is too much for her and she needs a safe place to hide. It is my heart to be that for her, when and how she needs it.

Miss Bonnie summed it up very well......

I want someone who cares about me and my world because it is also theirs.

We ride and die together.
I want all of THAT!!


Now, as to how to get that.
How do we get there?
What methods do I use to achieve those goals?

For ME,
It is simple.
Be myself.

Open. Transparent in ALL ways.
Honest to a fault.
This builds trust. Nurtures safety.

Consistency in character will foster connection. On what level depends greatly on the quality of ones character. If I am an asshole, I will create connections with general distance and coldness (which, btw is not wrong. To each their own). But, if I am compassionate, gracious, understanding, unyielding, immovable in purpose, merciful but forthright the type of connection I will foster is one of a blossoming rose.

Most submissives I have had the honor of caring for, just needed water and some pruning. They are capable human being in their own right. They know how to get by day to day.
My privilege has been to support them in truly living. Finding their hearts passion, focus and center and driving relentlessly towards opening their reality to what deeply serves them in honesty.

Maintaining this form of connective openness is not difficult, it simply requires the same consistent character with which one shows standardly with authenticity. Which, I get, sounds too simple......and it does require a ton of self work/mastery of self. But once one has discovered who they honestly are it becomes no issue to walk with integrity.

MelMell​(dom female) • Oct 29, 2021

I want a sub that will fit into my life. That wants to be a life partner. Someone that likes the same things as me or at least doesn’t mind them. Someone that enjoys being home because there isn’t a better place in the world than home. A sub that will reach out to me when things bother them instead of keeping it in. That won’t run away at the first sign of trouble but wants to work through the problems. Someone with an open mind that will not judge other’s preferences be it in politics, religions, sports, sexual preferences. Someone that likes learning and teaching. Someone that will be a lazy cat and take naps with me because sleep is the best thing ever.
I want the little things that make life fun. The sex and kink is very much secondary for me as those desire can change but the smaller things that make people who they are won’t truly change. I want a sub that has a personality and won’t just build one to please me. A sub that if they feel I’m wrong they will calmly and rationally tell me. Someone that sees the world differently from me and is eager to show me that world. I also don’t mind someone that sees the world the same way as me since that is also so damn beautiful.
I want a sub that will be a lifelong partner.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 29, 2021

[quote="DaddyDrago"]

Thank you! Your expression is beautifully honest and insightful.

Ask and receive - I feel wholesomely (not a word but sounds great) informed and your words affirm some key ideas for me.

Your transparency shines

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2021

I hadn't responded because I really thought more Doms would do, therefore one more saying the same things about the "usual" stuff - like service and loyalty and obedience and whatnot - would not be very insightful. However, since there is some curiosity regarding why more Doms haven't responded, here we go:

I need not repeat the excellent, specific answers DaddyDrago already gave since I agree with them and him. The simplest, best response I can offer is that as a Dominant, while I definitely want to be the reason for my sub's service and loyalty and obedience and whatnot, I want to be the reason that she is happy and eager to give these things.

It's easy to set rules and routines and rituals and such. Any dumbass can give orders. But I want my sub to be happy to be mine. If she is not motivated by her own desire to please then it feels less like D/s and more like cosplay (I recently learned that word haha!)
So her needs are mine, and mine hers.
Among many other things, as a Dom I want the symbiosis, the shared responsibility, the authenticity, the affection, the caring, the desire, the happiness etc.

Yes, I have a checklist; a very clear idea of what would make the "perfect" sub. I have even been fortunate to have met subs who meet those criteria.
Ultimately, in addition to everything that everyone has said so far, I want us both to really want to share a slash together.

I'll probably read this later and wish I had been more specific but for now I am feeling a bit romantic. How sweet am I!

L a r s​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2021

I think I can boil it all down to one thing: courage. I want a sub courageous enough to be themselves, to be honest, about what's working and what isn't. Courageous enough to give something a chance, and to set boundaries. Courageous enough to let me take charge, to let go of control.