event horizon{NotLooking}
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2 years ago •
Dec 2, 2021
The difference between a Domme/sub connection and a romantic
So lately I've been playing long distance with a sub who is married. The wife knows and is okay with it, just doesn't want details. The marriage is good, so he's not looking for an out or anything, the wife just isn't kinky so he's allowed to pursue that elsewhere. He and I have agreed there will be no romantic connection between us -- he's a submissive, not a boyfriend.
I'm very much used to including a romantic connection in my D/s, but I was just compelled by this guy so I figured I'd give it a shot and see how it goes. I'm not at all bothered by the wife thing, so long as there's no danger of her being hurt by what we do. I don't think anything is going awry just yet, but I'd like to try to make sure it stays that way. So, to all you poly folks, and Dommes/tops & subs/bottoms who just keep it kinky and not romantic... what do you do to separate things when you have to? What, for you, is the difference between a D/s connection and a romantic one? Thanks if you have any thoughts. |
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| bigandsmall(sub female) |
2 years ago •
Dec 2, 2021
I understand your dilemma as I have been on the other end of this situation. I think the distance and the lack of actual physical contact between you two will help enforce the platonic dynamic but the mind is a powerful thing. So is our nature to want what we can't have and thinking life would be so much better if only we were together. It is all a mindset, so it becomes important to reinforce the boundaries from time to time. I am not a Domme so can only speak from the opposite view, for me it was not always easy when I needed attention but it can be done without complications but it depends on the mindset of the parties involved.
As well as acceptance by both to acknowledge that there will be some type of affection even in just the development of friendship, but will not go beyond that and maybe a suggestion or task that he do something special for his wife as part of the dynamic so he doesn't lose that connection. We do tend to get caught up in the kink life to the distraction of our day to day responsibilities, even if just mentally lolll |
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Miki
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2 years ago •
Dec 3, 2021
That's a tough one for someone who is inclined to have romantic connectioons with a D/s dynamic.
I have been able to avoid the "R" word simply by not seeing too much of the same person, or not too often in a short period of time. I'm wired the opposite, not at all interested in romantic connections with my play pals, so it's easy for me to say. As already said, the distance thing will help keep it platonic, but be careful if the occasion presents itself to meet the other person. That's where the "best laid plans" really do tend to jump the tracks, to paraphrase an old line. Just have fun with it while it's good, but if things start to take a gooey turn you might have to call it a wrap with the person. All too often, one thing indeed does lead to another. |
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| bestwhencontrolled(sub male) |
2 years ago •
Dec 27, 2021
i cannot help but become attached to the One i serve. But i'm not into online. i seek RL encounters only.
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Sasa(dom female)
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2 years ago •
Dec 28, 2021
I tried that once and it is not working for me. I don't play the second fiddle. After a while, there is a bond. I mean, I care for my submissives, also for a play partner.
A D/s "connection" how you call it clinical, is just one layer over a lot of others, even if you don't see that coming. Maybe if you are a pro, it might work. Well, we are all different, Good luck. You will need it. |
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| itsallaboutyou |
2 years ago •
Jan 10, 2022
Hello. I started, on Nov. 30, to talk to a Domme on this site. I am 71 years old and married. The Domme has not taken me as a sub. SHE has stayed in contact every day with me I guess because I struck a cord with HER. We have become friends, not d/s, but friends.
Here I must say that all my life, though straight and vanilla, I derived my greatest pleasure from kneeling to a woman and pleasureing her. (The wife) so maybe I am a sophmore and not a frosh to the lifestyle. I would now dearly love to meet this Domme, to be her toy, her slave. I would love nothing better. But how many lives would change for that to happen? How drastic the changes? SHE has instilled in me great joy and happiness. I love her for that and always will. I also, if things stay the same, will ALWAYS miss being with her. Let me be clear please. SHE has never, ever said there would be ANYTHING between us!! I alone am to blame for this. This may help and it may not, be that as it may. It is just one (my) perspective on things. The DOMME I refer to is a class act and in no way led me on!!! I ramble when excited and I AM excited so please excuse |
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| itsallaboutyou |
2 years ago •
Jan 10, 2022
Well said...looking from the other end Miki wrote: That's a tough one for someone who is inclined to have romantic connectioons with a D/s dynamic.
I have been able to avoid the "R" word simply by not seeing too much of the same person, or not too often in a short period of time. I'm wired the opposite, not at all interested in romantic connections with my play pals, so it's easy for me to say. As already said, the distance thing will help keep it platonic, but be careful if the occasion presents itself to meet the other person. That's where the "best laid plans" really do tend to jump the tracks, to paraphrase an old line. Just have fun with it while it's good, but if things start to take a gooey turn you might have to call it a wrap with the person. All too often, one thing indeed does lead to another. |
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SubMattyK(sub male)
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2 years ago •
Jan 10, 2022
Following this thread because I am in the same situation from the sun perspective. I am happily married and maintain strong, open communication. We have agreed to set appropriate boundaries that allows us to explore of needs/desires outside of our marriage to help make our bond/dynamic between each other stronger.
On my side, that is searching for a Dom that I can submit to fully, but not seek full sexual release. My desires are service/humiliation oriented. I feel will open, up front communication about one’s specific situation will determine if there is a right fit. If not, the search continues. In your specific case, keep the communication open. Sounds like it is working for now, but if the romantic feelings creep in, talk about it. Be open with how you feel and perhaps it’s not the best for anymore. No shame in that. Things change, people change. I have experienced this. I cannot understate the communication. Stay open, stay engaged and you and your sub will be just fine. 
So lately I've been playing long distance with a sub who is married. The wife knows and is okay with it, just doesn't want details. The marriage is good, so he's not looking for an out or anything, the wife just isn't kinky so he's allowed to pursue that elsewhere. He and I have agreed there will be no romantic connection between us -- he's a submissive, not a boyfriend. |
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creidsinn
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2 years ago •
Jan 10, 2022
Honestly, it’s a mindset. You just don’t let it go to a place of romantic love. I know that’s not truly helpful, but it’s worked for me. It does not work for everyone. This is somewhat like a ‘friends with benefits’ situation….some people can do that and some can’t. Some people can just Top or bottom alone, with no involvement, and some can’t.
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