Thank you for making this post! It’s been a minute and I see you’ve already gotten a lot of good input but I thought I’d add my two cents
Again thank you for touching on this, I’ve been going back and forth whether to make my own post about violent/taboo fantasies and the shame that can surround it. Personally, I do still deal with shame from certain fantasies that get me off and it’s difficult to turn that off. For me I think it has to do with the fact that during my upbringing sex in general was not talked about and was viewed as something shameful. So I always had difficulties living out my own sexuality and accepting that I wanted and enjoyed sex.
So now I have a cnc (consensual non consent) kink. At first, I was very freaked out and thought similar things as you like how can I get off on this when so many people suffer having that forced on them. But I’ve done a lot of soul searching and for me I found out that it lets me enjoy sexual acts without shame, because, in the fantasy, the act is forced upon me so I didn’t do anything “wrong” by having sex. I don’t know if I’m phrasing this all that elegantly so I hope it makes sense!
During my research I’ve also discovered that actually many sexual assault survivors use cnc as a coping mechanism. That sounds counterproductive at first, but actually it is a way for them to relive the trauma but with control this time (they can stop it at any time with their safe word) and so can feel empowered in sexual situations again.
So fantasizing and even (safely and consensually) living out these fantasies isn’t inherently wrong and nothing to be ashamed about! I know, easier said than done, I also still have problems with it.
Something to note though is that I’ve heard from several people that having a cnc kink can sometimes make it difficult for you in court if you are ever the victim of an actual sexual assault because perpetrators can use your kink as an excuse. It sounds insane but a lot of people don’t really understand this kink and think it’s strange so often they will agree with that assessment! Again just something I’ve heard so take it with multiple grains of salt! Just something to consider. Stay safe everyone!