Online Brat Taming

Online Brat Taming

j prince​(sadist male){J.Prince} • Mar 4, 2022

But first, little bit of backstory:

Ab a year ago I was talking to a newer friend of mine and she started dropping hints of a fascination with submission. I naturally jumped on them and started questioning her. And for the next few minutes I helped her find out her archetypes and start to understand the terminology of the community. We figured out pretty quickly she was a text book brat.

A little while later after we’d been talking about bdsm more and more, teaching her terminology and ethics and what not, she asked me to be her dom. At the time I was still new to the practice but WAY too overconfident. So, being the hotshot rookie that I was, I eagerly accepted, and promptly ran that short dynamic into the ground. We stayed friends and tried a few more times but it never worked. We were solely online training at the time, something I had no experience in, but didn’t rly recognize.

Time went on, I did more research, began to hone my practice, balance the dragons inside me, and finally settled into a good solo groove. Yesterday she came back to me again asking if I would train her again. I refused because she can’t do in person training and I can’t figure out online training. She got mad, did her brat thing and stormed off, didn’t talk to me for a little while but eventually cooled down.

At that point I realized I really did want to train her, to take on that leadership role and help her smooth out her rough edges. But I have no clue where to start in an online dynamic, so I figured I’d ask some advice here. What’re good ways to fit bdsm into an online dynamic?

!NOTE! If anyone has a more comprehensive understanding of online relationships, !DM ME! I’d love a mentor in this whole realm of ours, preferably a fellow dom. I learn best in one on one conversations.

Cheers

sugaaa • Mar 4, 2022

Us Brats are fickle human beings. So hard to tame, so hard to understand, But a Brat can always teach us something about gentle human care, understanding, & great conversation. Too tame is Brat is to bring more of a schedule to the table. Texting on certain days, going to get food, going on adventures. Most brats did not experience this in their day to day. Or atleast not one that excites them. They crave attention & having a brat as a sub should be an honor, listen to them, they are some of the most openly spoken people…

Brandallofu​(dom male) • Mar 4, 2022

I love the input from both posts. "Balance the dragons" is a good way to put it. For me this post represents more about the training dynamic than it does a brat, but brats definitely do take a bit more focus, as suggested, and online training is a reality now that shouldn't be passed up. This isn't to say that IRL is being replaced by online as that's never going to happen, but online, if done correctly, provides such a vast, deeply compelling, connecting experience that I suspect it should be regarded as highly valuable. Online training brings the submissive into a place of confidence, peace, structure, understanding and well being, as well as provides a grounding source of knowledge, initiates and hopefully retains a connection to a reference partner and security that doesn't exist otherwise.

I have a lot of subs who have gone on to fill their lives with other partners who still remain in contact (with the partners permission of course) years later. Ultimately, training should lead to an unbreakable connection of honor, integrity and trust... Three key elements to living a fulfilling partnership in the Lifestyle. And of course, there is always the hope and possibility of finding that one fit that makes everything else better.

J. Prince, please feel free to contact me if I can be of assistance. Forwarding the interests of the Lifestyle online, in a healthy, positive way has long been a priority for me. And I've worked with Men, Woman, Couples and all sexual preferences, so whatever floats your boat, I'm good.

And to be a bit more inclusive, if anyone wants to discuss why online training is SO beneficial, please feel to contact me. If anyone couldn't tell, I take training very seriously and I'm passionate about the importance of doing it with the correct focus. What we do as Dominants in this Lifestyle impacts people in ways we can't measure and there needs to be a type of reverence for guarding a newbies / submissive (s) experiences so they can learn just how good this life really is and go on to live it in a healthy way. Blah, Blah, Blah...

As far as Brats are concerned, sugaaa really nails it in her post. Brats need a LOT of attention and direction and that's such a good thing. But then again, that's why training is so important. It relays information and builds something inside the brat/ sub that didn't exist previously. I don't agree that they are hard to tame or to understand. In Real Life, brats are just non glorified pain sluts waiting for discovery, but online it's all psychological and the conditions that make up a brat are pretty much all the same. I'm not saying every brat is the same, they aren't. I AM saying, what makes a brat tick is measurable and controllable and easily understood, but as in all interactions for online, there has to be an interest or mutual direction being followed ( that the Dom sets with agreement from the sub), otherwise it's just blowing smoke and hearing ones self talk. Without interest, purpose doesn't exist and it's a waste of time.

In fact, if mutual interest going forward IS there, if anything, brats are easier to put in line because they want what they don't have and they need. We all do and that's pretty much what training is about. Helping to create a connection by delivering to the individual an understanding of who they are, how they fit and why, along with a host of other topics too vast to stir in this pot.

Good post. Thank you.

KENG​(dom male) • Mar 4, 2022

Brandalluf, I read these posts with great interest! I have had problems trying to grasp the thistle that is online training so any advice would be most welcome. Like yourself I believe that newbies as well as the more experienced subs should be cherished and helped to understand all aspect of the lifestyle.

Brandallofu​(dom male) • Mar 5, 2022

Keng. Like all things in the Lifestyle, there is so much to the subject that it would be a fools errand to attempt to sum it up briefly. If you could be more precise about the things that stump you, perhaps I can help sort things through with you. Open ended as your question is, I can tell you that there is a great deal of satisfaction in getting it right and not really excusable to get it wrong.
There is a great responsibility in bringing someone up. I think if you approach it from that perspective, as I'm sure you already do, it makes the path much more clear. I work with developing communication and connection, because without both, anything you do with training, will fail. For me, training is topical and A to Z, embracing all things that someone could have an interest in, without casting shadows or doubt. If you have been in this for a long while, and I suspect you have, go with the core of what you know and be as honest and open about any and all of it.

If I can help, I'm here.
Dana

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 5, 2022

As a hard-core Brat myself the issue I would find with "online training" is the lack of a physical presence to "enforce" the training makes it a no-go. That kite won't fly.

Along with being a "brat", I am also strongly independent, so none of those tricks like "scheduling" and whatnot won't butter the toast, either.

As for craving attention, well, that depends on what one means by that.

I do very well living alone, and can go without being noticed (and actually prefer it more and more the older I get) - but it could be considered by some a a form of "attention" seeking -- I like to get reactions from doms, would-be doms and sometimes people not even in the business.

I do that mostly by just being a flat-out smart ass, showing irreverence to those who want to be dominant, and so-forth.

Other times I do things like put pebbles in the guy's shoes, screw up the ass paper spool, other little pranks. (A recent favorite, some "invisible" type Scotch tape around the kitchen sink spray hose and its lever. Point it forwards, and when any overnight "guest" goes to use the sink, he gets a bit wet.

-------------------------------------------

It bears mentioning for those new in here or haven't seen posts of mine, I am not a "sub" per-se, or as "officially defined" by those who are more focused on role-definitions and parameters.

I'm just a sexual masochist. That's the only submitting I do, and when playtime is over, off I go to my regularly scheduled life---- so with that in mind my input may or may not be excessively relevent to the preceding posts.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Mar 5, 2022

The online training I've observed over the years is a kink unto itself. What one dom considers "proper" training (positions, protocols and behaviors), the next might chuck out the window and declare useless (in THEIR eyes). There's simply no way to gauge whether what's being "taught" will be pleasing to anyone but the teacher and perhaps, the student. As so many people point out (regularly), there's no cookie cutter approach to our lifestyle.

A long, long time ago I was even under the tutelage of a dominant who claimed it was his speciality - his niche, if you will. From my first hand experiences of being an active participant and also witnessing the regimens of others, it seems the entire endeavor was designed to:
1. Satisfy the needs of the trainer to exert control in the guise of providing a service
2. Satisfy the needs of the sub to believe she is being prepared to be universally pleasing and presentable to everyone across the board.

You also hit (no pun intended) on the issue of enforcement. That's a big deal. Online training is dependent upon the sub going through the motions of completing assignments, tasks, etc all to the end of being rewarded with one on one attention and lavish praise. But, without a physical presence to keep the mind sharply focused, and even provide some first hand discipline, I didn't see anything of long lasting substance being internalized.

Again, just my own experiences of being on the receiving end and observing others doing the same. I think what's most relevant in these cases is that the trainer and trainee both get their needs met without any expectations of the Holy Grail being offered by one and then carried forward into the light by the other.

Zelia • Mar 5, 2022

I find submissive training to be a really interesting subject. Who trains Doms? What qualifies a Dom to train a sub? Genuine questions.
I understand the notion of mentors for Doms, the more experienced guiding those of less experience but the idea of Doms training isn’t spoken about often.
Submissives are trained in basic tasks such as positions. This is, by many, classed as training. Who trains Doms in aspects of their role such as, providing quality aftercare. This, to me, is much more complex than standing with hands on a wall.
Maybe a good starting point with your friend would be to discuss key aspects of the lifestyle together to make sure you understand each other and your expectations. I would do this before entering any relationship.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Mar 5, 2022

This is the best advice I've seen offered to the OP. "Self diagnosing" yourself as a dom at the age of 16 and declaring yourself ready to take on training women by the age of 20 seems more than a bit over confident.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Mar 6, 2022

There seem to be a lot of differing opinions regarding the idea of Doms "training" subs. I use quotation marks because they are humans and not circus animals to be "trained." I prefer to call it mentoring.
The thing I have told many people is that subs should only be mentored by other, more experienced subs, not Doms. Ever. Here's why: A Dom can teach you to be HIS perfect sub, but not necessarily the sub you feel you is perfectly YOU. Same thing with Doms only being mentored by more experienced Doms, but I believe very strongly that he can and should learn from subs - his own and others.
And a lot of reading and talking and listening to people more experienced than we are. These are some of the ways we all learn - Doms and subs alike - about things like aftercare.
Disclaimer: I have mentored subs 6 times in the past and every time have said "never again!" before going on to do it again, thinking that since I knew why it was such a bad idea I was the exception to the rule and therefore better equipped to be a good mentor.
I was wrong.