Lessons learned…

Lessons learned…

Bunnie • Apr 16, 2022

We often read posts of what is believed to be important for the other to bring to us personally, to ensure the success of our relationships (needs and wants).

Of course, me being me, out of curiosity I’m going to flip this

What do you believe is an important responsibility on *your* part, to uphold the integrity of your relationships. And, why?

I encourage you to delve deeper than umbrella words, like “communicate.” But if you must use it, feel free

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Apr 17, 2022

Thinking of a D/s relationship, I feel it's important for me to bring 3 things (obviously lots more, but these are what I believe would be my greatest contributions) to ensure a successful dynamic / relationship.

Openness - for me to be truly honest and transparent at all times. Especially in times where I want to shut down (close up) because I'm afraid.

Willingness - for me to truly hand over the reigns, be willing to be guided and lead.

Trust - I don't trust easily. I love easily, but I tend to have my armour up when trusting someone fully. So with the above, this last, trusting, is the most important for me to bring to a dynamic / relationship.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Apr 17, 2022

Short reply cause I'm stuck on my cell.
I think every relationship for me is different (I am Poly) and I'd need to bring different things to each. I also think these responsibilities also morph and change at different times and stages of the relationship. I'm 25 years into mine, a lot of things we do aren't so apparent as they would of been at say...year 1 or 5

(in this moment) For my primary relationship I need to bring...

The ability to not pull out the "Domme card" just because its "easier" and the ability to understand that just because he would let me, doesn't make it right.

DrWakko • Apr 17, 2022

I think the most important lesson is be yourself. You will go to play parties and events and see people who do and can do a lot of things. Just because someone is popular doesn't mean you need to be like them. The more true you are to yourself the better you will be in your relationship.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Apr 17, 2022

I've learned over the years that my most important contribution to any relationship is to know what version of myself is the best possible version there is and then make sure that I've cultivated it, maintained it and brought it with me as my offering to him. It's only when I'm giving the best I have to offer that I feel comfortable expecting the same in return.

Miki • Apr 17, 2022

Like an umbrella, "communicating" (and its variants) are words of many facets and one shouldn't dismiss it 9them) as a bad or sub-par thing.

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Anyway, as one who eschews committed relationships, my response is brief and strictly hypothetical"

I'd expect myself to act and behave as I would expect the other to. Not meaning carbon copy thoughts, words, and actions, but rather, consideration for others and their feelings as being no more or no less important than my own. Yes, being considerate is a big deal.

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I know, probably not the in-depth thoughts some might expect, but I suck at talking too much.

LordofPain56 • Apr 18, 2022

In my view, I think it is important for the Dom to create an everyday environment that is consistent and easily managed by her particular mentality. Intertwined with this idea is the creation of a routine structure for her life in which a set of rules is documented and well known to her, along with the knowledge of punishments that await for transgressing the rules.
As far as communication, in my view, there should be no secrets from the beginning of the relationship onward, and that there should be no blowback if either partner desires to express needs or wants from the beginning to far down the line. It should be understood that each partner would receive and respond respectfully to their partners needs or concerns regardless of any issue or situation. It is the Dom's job (in my view) to help the sub and advise her if she is getting into trouble with her friends or co-workers so that the negativity occurring between them does not end up upsetting our own happy home.
But mostly, if each is following the rules set forth from the beginning (which both had agreed upon), the relationship should sail smoothly. However girls change over time and that could upset the apple cart. It is the Dom's job to investigate any changes in her moods and behaviors by having open discussion in an environment that is neutral and un-threatening. Sometimes that change is so big that it breaks the bond we originally had, ending the relationship. But that is the breaks.

Re: Lessons learned…

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Apr 18, 2022

As a submissive… I believe that my responsibility in my d/s dynamic is to provide a nurturing environment for my dominant. We all know the many facets that this lifestyle can bring into one’s life. Being in this lifestyle is intense at times. It can put pressure on the one who is assuming the leading role in the relationship. I feel that.. It is my role as a submissive to be nurturing and to be my dominants peace. Being the calm after their storm. The water to their parched thirst. That is my role.

I loved this discussion and I enjoyed reading everyone’s responses. To see people open up is truly wonderful.

Love,
Noire

T slave​(sub female){Owned} • Apr 18, 2022

Be willing to give more than you expect to receive. That only works if both in the relationship live by this rule.

i have found that by giving more than i expect to receive i am less likely to be disappointed.

Forge​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2022

Personal integrity. If I say I’m going to do something then I’d better do it or else what good is my word and how can you believe anything I’ve said.