How do you connect?

How do you connect?

knottykitten​(sub female) • May 10, 2022

This lifestyle is very much just that for me. It’s part of who I am and what I need so how do you connect with like minded people. I know there’s here but it’s not really a connection and seems to rarely end in a actual connection and I don’t mean for only a Dom/ sub relationship. Just a connection with like minded people where you have friends, mentors, and your people you turn to. In most aspects of life there are communities and this one seems to have few or they are scary as hell to join into those few if you find them. This lifestyle seems to lead to far too many people who are just not in it for good reasons. How do you weed out the bad without getting your heart broke to have your people?

A friend • May 10, 2022

Trust your gut... it is always right.

knottykitten​(sub female) • May 10, 2022

I rarely make connections because I just don’t trust people but sometimes you just need advice sometime you need people. Yes I have people I turn to for many things but no one in this lifestyle so when I need advice and people who are going to care enough to give advice that is solely for the good for me how do I find them?

Copperband​(sub female) • May 10, 2022

I have found some great friends through tiktok. There is a lot of nonsense on there, but also a lot of nice, friendly kinksters having conversations about consent and different BDSM topics. It’s both fun and serious, and I have found it less about finding a partner and more about connecting with others. There’s been some really interesting discussions too.

delfina • May 10, 2022

Personally, it’s been hard for me. I got shamed in the past for what I liked. Like what others have said, it’s not about finding a partner exactly, more so having friends, people like you to talk to and enjoy topics without being shamed or judged.
Came across a couple local communities and they were super nice and caring. recently joined thecage in hopes of having more friends and widening my circle.
It’s tough with the society now a days. Unfortunately your heart will get broken in it but what matters is finding people like you who will care and be there for you about everything.

Sasa​(dom female) • May 10, 2022

Sometimes I found people, more often they found me ... and then it takes time. Being patient, talking about what people have on their minds. I never start with anything kinky, that's secondary for me. Finding a friend or a partner... it doesn't matter, it simply takes time and shouldn't a partner be a friend too.

About the weed... fast people are not my people and even then you could end up with somebody who isn't what he or she said. Some lie, but others massively overestimate themselves. After all, you don't give your common sense to the cloakroom just because someone calls themselves dominant or submissive.

I wonder when dating came out of fashion and everyone is jumping into a "dynamic" after a few weeks... if it takes that long. But even in a very, very long relationship, we will disappoint each other... that isn't a disaster, it is life. There is always a little bit of heartbreak but also tons of joy. I learned that from my parents and grandparents... and their relationships ended after one died.

Trust yourself...

knottykitten​(sub female) • May 10, 2022

In this lifestyle and a Dom I’m very selective of them and it’s not an instant relationship for me it’s years. But sometimes you need a person a this is happening what’s your opinion on the situation person who understands and who gives a crap. I need that. I have gut feelings but I’m also a person who try’s to look at the situation from multiple sides so I tend to give a lot more.

IronWorld​(sadist male) • May 11, 2022

Don't know. It just happens. Honestly, I would recommend a gaming convention. Lots of kinky people in those settings who are just there to have a silly, goofy time. I met my best friends in the lifestyle through a medieval/fantasy combat larp I co-started around 2003.

Totally understand the trust issues. They're a total pain in the ass.

Bunnie • May 11, 2022

“How do you weed out the bad without getting your heart broke to have your people?”

Unfortunately it’s really difficult to avoid bad people. But it is easy to shift away from them when you realise they’re not your type of person. It really is subjective. Birds of a feather really do flock together, so it’s just a matter of taking the time to find those who’s feather’s resonate with yours. Talk to people. If you want to meet people, it requires bravery. Putting yourself out there. It’s ok to be wary and mistrusting. Good people don’t mind wariness. Go slow. That goes for friendship as well as something more. Again… good people don’t mind building something slowly. It’s about quality, not quantity. And wise people understand that quality takes time and effort.

If you seek social interaction, on thecage there is the chat room, blogs, forums, private chat (messages/bond/private messaging in chat). You can control how much or how little you interact… an aspect I love because it allows me to interact accordingly to my comfort levels on any given day.
If you’re seeking advice, I love the forums for that, as it generally can at times give a wide array of feedback and suggestions. It’s important though to research what you’re told, always.
Over the years I have also developed a small group of people who’s opinions I value and trust, which is a blessing I never would have anticipated I would have, in the beginning. Those people tend to be those who are consistent in their wisdom.

For local community, there is FetLife. Munches are a great way to meet likeminded people in a casual setting and to be able to just relax and socialise in a no expectation/strings attached environment.
There are also groups on there that allow the opportunity to interact with likeminded people in discussion on specific topics or questions.

Hopefully this helps

House Talion​(dom male) • May 12, 2022

Munches have always been one of the best was to meet ppl IRL. Online I'd suggest messaging ppl that reapo d to posts that share your own idealistics.