LIMITS as stated in your profile

LIMITS as stated in your profile

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Aug 10, 2022

I am so very curious as to why people state their limits in their profile? I would love to hear your reasoning!

For me personally, my limits change, or I hope they do in most cases. Again, for me, my limits are about growth, pushing (by consent or CNC) me to my fullest and constantly evaluating them. A HARD "NO" last year (or whenever) could be a "HELL YES, again please" this year. NOT always the case of course, but, I wouldn't know if I didn't evaluate or address them (my limits) consistently.

So my point is, for me, I entered this lifestyle about 5 years ago and want to and do continue to grow (everyday). So, with that said, and noted above... my limits change as I grow, learn, open up, am with a new person etc. And that, I actually want as a continuous cycle (not a new person obviously, but you know what I mean )

Anyway, I understand there may always be "hard limits" that are a FUCK NO!!! But why list them in your profile? There's a BDSM checklist here now, so if you really want to "say it all" do that!

Oh, and one more question, probably the BIGGEST - WHY do you (if you do) say "nothing illegal"???? That's just a can of worms all over the world. What may be legal in Canada (my country) may NOT be legal in YOUR Country and vice versa! Actually, it could differ (North American speaking) State to State (U S.) / Province to Province (Canada). So, wouldn't stating a "limit" as "nothing illegal" be quite rhetorical???

Again, would love to hear everyone's thoughts, perspective and opinions to this!

Thank you!
🤍

dollMaker​(dom male) • Aug 10, 2022

Mine are a mix of kink hard limits that have been stable for many years, and hard limits regarding a person’s social ethical beliefs.

I place these there to hopefully filter out those I am not compatible with, both from the point of view as a friend, second set of hard limits vital in that regard and in relation to a dynamic both sets of hard limits are important. This works both ways, as much for the approacher as for me.

I want to avoid the heartbreak of establishing something only to find out, much later down the road, that the person has vile beliefs. This has occurred, in one case the person held violent political beliefs, and in another the person turned out to be racist, lgbtq+ phobic and anti-Semitic. In both cases I ended the dynamic. This was not easy to do, it hurt.

There will be those that will talk about opposites attracting, tolerance of speech/belief, other beliefs broadening the mind etc and if they can feel comfortable and respect someone like that, well thats on them, for myself I can not do that, I want no contact with such people.

There will be those that wont respect my limits, I recall well a right winger trumper on here awhile back trying to force themself on me, I ended up having to block them. Frankly I was completely lost regarding understanding how they thought that we would be compatible, because for me its not just the kink compatibility that matters, but more, the essence of the person is important as well.

So that’s why I put what I put on my profile.

The ‘nothing illegal’ on the profile is a pretty good indication the writer is pretty ignorant of the world of bdsm and kink, and has done little to no research into the legality of kink, nevermind other things such as history, culture and its also possible they are unaware of good kink practices and safety. In away its a sort of red flag, at least for me, a warning this person may not be all they claim. I know some will say why is this important. For myself I think both sides of the slash and middle should be well educated and informed, it’s definitely not the case that only the top, dom etc should be.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Aug 10, 2022

Yes, limits can and should change. Just because someone states the CURRENT limits on their profile doesn't mean they can't be discussed. They SHOULD be discussed because of the WHY they exist. Not just the "I don't like it" but the discovery of the existence of those limits.

As the conversations happen, as the trust grows, a person can find that they trust one person enough to explore those limits while still screaming "hells no" with another.

Profiles can also be changed to reflect that growth but stating it from the onset can (as dM stayed) prevent time from being wasted. What may be a requirement for one person could be a hard limit for another, such as monogamy vs. polyamory. One person may have health reasons to avoid something while another may need that to feel completely fulfilled.

We subs talk encourage Doms to fill out their profiles completely and some refuse to talk to anyone who doesn't because "if you don't make the effort to fill out a profile, how can I trust you will take the time to know me?". Well, if WE aren't open with OUR profiles, how can a Dom trust that we will be open with them? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I'm not ashamed of my limits so why should I hide them?

Sportsgirl55​(sub female) • Aug 10, 2022

Hello,

For me, those hard limits will never change, I know I would never want those things in a relationship, which is why they became my hard limits. There are plenty of other ways to grow over time.

As far as nothing illegal, for me it is there because I once had a Domme threaten to make me "sell myself" on the street corner, which is illegal where I am, so for some, who can loose their job or worse consequences if arrested, it is important to state. At least it is for me.

I think it is a personal choice, to me, it is part of being honest and open about my expectations in a relationship. It is also a great test to see if someone has actually read my whole profile, as these are on the bottom.

Also, for some of us who have been here a while, there hasn't always been the BDSM checklist, that is relatively new.

Blondie​(sub female){Collared} • Aug 11, 2022

I feel very much the same way. I always want to keep an open mind and try new things. I may be shutting myself off to an incredible sensation or experience by immediately saying no.

Of a certain act is too much or too overwhelming, compromise and start smaller and work up to it, if possible. Then decide if it is a no. You just might surprise yourself

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2022

Well as we have conversed on the topic and enjoyed a few laughs, I will definitely add my few cents to the chat. Concur with comments from yourself and dollMaker. I don't think I have any limits listed; however, I believe we should all be discussing with whoever we are talking with about how far we go and in what direction. Limits should be discussed as well as fantasies and especially dark fantasies (some which we only ever might dream about but never actually act out). Each individual relationship is different and unique and what may be a limit with one person may be a kink with another. Not that I could ever wrap my head around say scat or certain age-play fantasies (EVER) but I figure if in the course of a discussion with someone and either comes up I can politely back away. I do believe if anyone tries to use their position to get you to do something illegal, I'd say "Red Flag" and "Stranger Danger". But I often laugh when I see "Nothing illegal" considering many of the acts we commonly practice are still considered illegal in many states simply because they are on the books. They may not be enforced because . . . well . . . almost everyone does them. But they are still considered illegal. So if you say "Nothing illegal" I hope you aren't in a location or state that outlaws what you are enjoying.

Which makes me laugh: Can you imagine being the politician who raises your hand and suggests a motion to overturn sodomy? LOL. All the other politicians would call you the perv. But literally 11 states in the US still purport to ban all forms of sodomy, although the Supreme Court ruled sodomy laws were unconstitutional in 2003. So if you're around the DC area, you might head to Virginia instead of Maryland in order to enjoy the bliss - because Maryland still considers it against the law. And if you have "Nothing illegal" well then you just can't do it in Maryland.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2022

Hm.

I suppose one could argue that listing your hard limits is no more or less important than mentioning your biggest kinks. On the other hand, ideally these are the kind of things that people would discover while they get to know each other. One could also ask why do so many of us have those stupid bdsmtest results on our profiles when they are notoriously vague and inaccurate? Maybe because they are not so misleading that they don't sometimes still point us in the right general direction. Maybe listing limits do the same, even if too a much lesser degree.
And lets not forget how much we hear about how little time people spend actually paying attention to profiles other than pictures. So is listing limits or kinks (or anything else) necessary, helpful, informative, or just something we all do - which oftentimes doesn't matter all that much anyway?

I regularly review and change my profile because, just as you pointed out, I change. Mostly I like to add little funny things here and there for no other reason than because it makes me laugh, but after considering your question I removed "nothing illegal" from mine because I think you have a point, not just because things are different all over, but because some things we should be able to just assume. (For example, I've read "no children or animals" many times but is it really necessary to include that or can we safely assume that in addition to being hard limits they are really probably likely not ever gonna come up in casual conversation here?)

I think that "nothing illegal" carries with it an implicit understanding that the legality in question refers to the laws in the area where the profile owner lives, or at least those that would not put anyone at immediate risk since they are not frequently enforced. For example, those ridiculous laws that LL mentioned prohibiting sodomy (and a few other fun sexual practices.) Fortunately people enjoying them are not often caught in the ass so there aren't a lot of arrests. And good thing because those of us who regularly engage in and enjoy many of those things that are against the law in MD are now officially criminals and fugitives!

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2022

Hopefully no one turns us in. I love cuffs but I don't look good in stripes or orange. Whatever prisoners are wearing these days.

Zelia • Aug 11, 2022

I think limits are listed on people’s profiles because there’s a box titled ‘Limits’. If the box wasn’t there I’m sure they would be listed much less often.

The second part of the question regarding ‘illegal activities’ is something that I think is almost encouraged on other platforms. I’ve seen it a lot on platforms where beastiality and being willing to engage with people underage was much more common.

Lots of groups expected people to list ‘nothing illegal’ on their limits in their intro as part of their screening process, if it wasn’t there many admins asked questions to try and ascertain that people were not engaging in the two activities I mentioned above.

Maybe some people list it because it’s so commonplace on other platforms and appears on almost every card; and it generally does relate to animals and minors. You’d be surprised how prevalent the level of interest in both is.

It’s a funny one that I usually don’t pay much attention to. I generally know what it means. I don’t think it’s terribly necessary and wouldn’t list it myself but understand where it maybe comes from.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Aug 11, 2022

Beyond engaging with minors and animals, there is also that little talked about aspects, "snuff films", hard drugs, and on here, I once saw a profile where someone wanted to be made into a eunuch and another who wanted to be chained 24/7 in a dank basement and forced to make porn to be sold on the black market.

While I think we can agree that "nothing illegal" PROBABLY means kids and animals, it could cover a wider range than that.

Oh Maryland, My Maryland....it's a good thing there are no politicians in my bedroom.