Question from a beginner

Question from a beginner

BritGuy • Nov 25, 2022

I'm asking this question as I would like other people's thoughts and advice.
Being new to the lifestyle, with Daddy/Dominant traits I'm seeking how to navigate through new territory here. I've organized a GB for my FWB Brat at the club tomorrow. It's a theme night and she received a message from an acquaintance who is a Dom and specializes in flogging. He will also be turning up with some girls. Being the way she is, she doesn't see flogging as a sexual activity and she's been flogged by him before and "coached" in various ways of being a submissive. Is there a code of conduct of any sort I should expect from this guy when approaching my girl while she's with me? I'm just looking how to handle this properly and correctly. I know she's excited about the whole evening and what I've managed to arrange and also now the prospect of being flogged. This guy knows who I am and hasn't messaged me yet and probably won't. Last thing I need is to be disrespected in front of her as I'm a punch first and ask questions later kind of guy. I took on the Daddy role loosely as it keeps me grounded.
Her and I are a team, we are FWBs but in a solid relationship.
Any constructive thoughts as to my actions should anything not go the way I expect with regards to the Dom who I have a feeling will try and assert his dominance over her during my presence. I admit I'm new to this hence my long drawn out blah.
Thanks.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Nov 25, 2022

First of all, I would say that, unless either you or she specifically invited him, he shouldn't be coming at all. If one of you did specifically invite him, you should contact him and lay down the ground rules for his behavior. For example, that he needs your permission to touch, flog, or play with her in any way. If you really want to get strict, you could tell him he isn't allowed to talk to her without your permission or without you present. If you don't want to ban him from the night altogether. He can still contribute to the night's theme by flogging and playing with his own girls and leave yours alone. Be proactive and assert your authority BEFORE the night. Don't leave anything to chance and get some of your other guests on board to deal with him (as in ask him to leave or eject him) if he transgresses your ground rules. Don't leave your girl's safety to chance.

BritGuy • Nov 25, 2022

Thankyou for your input and much appreciated.

missusK​(sub female) • Nov 25, 2022

As a Dom, he should be aware that there protocol to follow. He should be asking your permission, not hers, especially is she is collared by you (in any capacity).
I don't know your agreement (with her),but it's up to her to also let him know he needs to ask you first before any play of any sort happens, sexual or not. She is your responsibility and it's hers to let others know that.
I am a sub, and if I want to engage with another sub, I also need to ask permission. It's just respectful.
I'd set some boundaries. They may be needed in more place than one.

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 25, 2022

Sounds kind of strange, how you put it, he sent a message to her about (I'm slow on the uptake sometimes, WTF is GB? I know FWB because when active I do that fairly often.

But anyway since she's been with this guy before, and you describe her as an "FWB Brat"-- I guess there isn't a lot you can do until and unless you make the situation a real dynamic.

I must say, only from observations over the years, as a rank beginner perhaps an FWB Brat isn't the best of choces for someone new at this.

I know I am definitely not a "true sub" in that I do not do long term relationships or dynamics, but still, as a new person to this, avail yourtself of materials and written experiences from other dominants that are out there before starting a dynamic of your own. Lots of subs, especially brats, don't allow much of a learning curve. But that's based solely on what I have heard and seen and it's a small sample size compared to the number of freaks there are out there.

Anyway, hope you enjoy (enjoyed) the Theme Night.. always a different scene from the run of the mill "Meet my Meat" (for dudes) night at a munch.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 25, 2022

Ok- so questions:

You are the D/D and she is your? What?

Secondly- are you guys poly in relationships or play?

Thirdly- was this guy invited and if so by whom?

Fourth- is this other guy aware of ypur dynamic?

CSI • Nov 26, 2022

This comes across as you saying you are not her dominant, but you are her friend with benefits, especially if she needs to be "coached" in how to be submissive. In that case, you are just 2 friends going to be at a birthday party.....or do you want it to be more? Or do you want it to be perceived as more? Has she/you explicitly stated you are in a dynamic and have boundaries been discussed?

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Nov 26, 2022

I'm confused in my understanding of the post... I'm reading a variety of things embedded in it and not seeing the connections.

First you tell us; you are new to the lifestyle with daddy dominant tendencies (congrats on finding your niche in the lifestyle). But this progresses into an event you have organized for a Friend With Benefits (FWB) that identifies as a Brat - without knowing the extent of the relationship. It is hard to advise on the protocols that apply here...

If she is simply a 'friend' then the relationship is casual at best and there is no dynamic to speak of.

But you also mention 'Organizing' an event for her... as the 'organizer', you are overseeing this event. And have already arranged who is participating in the activities... Yes, No?

Then you mention this other practitioner - a flogger. Who has had an acquaintanceship with her in the past. Explaining that he 'coached' her in being subservient... and that they have had interactions before.

Now we jump into her being 'your girl' and 'being with you' - which wasn't made clear at the beginning of this post with her introduction as a FWB Brat.

But as we come to the end of the post - you say you are a team and in a solid relationship. But also reiterate that you are FWB's...?
Looking over your profile, I didn't see anything that indicated a relationship or hint that you were involved with anyone.

IF; the relationship is there. Both sides need to recognize it and make it known. Establishing a dynamic to be recognized by others - so that, protocols apply.
Because right now, I only see an individual who is going to an event with a girl he is interested in... I don't see a dynamic.
Technically as the organizer of the event - this flogger should check in with you and address his desire to participate and get the ground rules, so he knows what is and isn't permitted.

I'm not going to address some of the other statements made by the OP - as these aren't relevant. Unless they are? In which case we should be having a completely different discussion here.

I'mME • Nov 27, 2022

OP,

You know what you wrote, so I won't repeat it. I don't mince words.
Protocol for a dynamic is that if another Dom wants to play with someone's else's sub, they contact the subs Dom and they work the details out. The owner sets the rules, keeping the boundaries of their sub in their head.

The situation you described is confusing but what I think I read is the following.

You are in a FWB relationship and you set up a gangbang for your partner.
You are new to kin.
Is your FWB new to kink?

Between the lines I hear some jealousy which you may want to get a handle on. They called your FWB, what,
Did they ask if them if could come?

Kink or no, uninvited guests are never welcome unless they speak beforehand with a host. Aren't you the host?

This Dom (but I'm using that word loosely, because they have been disrespectful and completely on purpose snubbed you).

I ask about your FWB's experience for several reasons. If they are newer then they perhaps would not know about protocol (manners/respect) .
They also may be somewhat naive to their role as a sub.

Did this 'Dom' tell them or ask them if they could come? They would have been perfectly within their rights to say NO..

This situation you described 'gangbang' seems like it has turned into a swingers event, with the 'Dom' bringing himself along with a couple of girls. Your words.

If your FWB does not get any sexual pleasure from flogging, what is the point of the 'Dom' coming?

First thing I would do is talk to my FWB and ask how the conversation went with the two of them, the exact conversation.

If you are the DD, then take the control back. I would tell my FWB that perhaps something can be arranged later down the road with this other 'Dom' but this round let's stick to the original plan.

Then I would (check your ego) and send a polite message to this 'Dom' telling him the same thing and in the future to please contact you first, if you have this type of defined dynamic. Do not put this task onto your FWB, contacting this 'Dom'.

Also, you should know someone pretty well before handing your sub into the hands of someone else, you are responsible for keeping them safe w/in whatever boundaries y'all have set? (because that is after all what they are, correct?)

Oberartz • Nov 28, 2022

First and foremost if you submissive doesn't want to interact with him he should abide by her wishes. Secondly you should be protective of her and ensure her safety period.
Thirdly it sounds like you have no real understanding about being a Dom or Daddy.