Getting to know someone

Getting to know someone

Dark Gentleman​(dom male) • Jan 10, 2023

I have found an interesting question on someone profile that I thought would be great to start a topic about. With of course the approval of the writer of the question.

What mistakes have Other Doms/subs made in getting to know you, and develop a relationship with you?

Estaria​(sub female) • Jan 11, 2023

I'm not sure if this is a mistake exactly, but it's something that makes it hard for me to develop a relationship with a dom...

When I meet a dom and he doesn't act like one. When I say doesn't act like one I'm talking about the way he carries himself, how he speaks to me, etc. I'm obviously not expecting a dom to walk in and demand my submission or treat me like his sub...but when I'm talking to a dom there are certain things I don't do or say. Maybe I'm just weird like that, but I have a certain level of respect for doms even if they aren't MY dom and I wouldn't want to do anything to give others the wrong impression of me. I am however a very submissive sub and it's who I am to my core...I am naturally submissive, so it comes naturally to me in all aspects of my life. When I am getting to know a dom and he is not putting the effort in to make a good first impression then I'm going to assume that person doesn't possess the qualities to be a great dom. I need to see a hint of a doms style from the get-go or it leaves me deciding that I don't want to wait to see if he can be a successful dom.

Hope that makes sense!

Steellover​(sub male) • Jan 11, 2023

It sounds like you are looking for someone who is decisive in his decision making and who appears articulate and confident. This might come across in things like the way he speaks (fluidly, succinctly and without clutter such as "like," "Um" or "yaknow" for example) or the way he walks (standing up straight, firm handshake, eye contact, never slouches when he stands, and so on.) These are all things that convey a solid first impression of a super confident and dominant man.

LordofPain56 • Jan 13, 2023

Before I came to this site, I had a very long detailed profile on a different S&M website. It couldn't have left too much to the imagination. It never got much attention (in several years) so I deleted my membership there and came here with a much shorter version (which I also expect to gain little or no attention).
Thing is, you can offer all the information you'd think would be pertinent to a prospect's curiosity, but there can be misunderstandings on their part about what you had written.
In the past, I always had a note at the end for people to respond back with questions or concerns they had about the profile. Even if those might have been satisfactory, it is still not the same as being with them on a trial-run basis at least.
I had hoped that I had developed a process for the discovery phase (pre-courtship) that would weed out people who discovered I wasn't for them after all, so that a painful breakup wouldn't ever be necessary.
Thankfully those never happened, but the few I have known left for other reasons.

I'mME • Jan 13, 2023

LordOfPain,

Despite what you chose to think about what I wrote on another forum discussion (I meant exactly what I wrote, I don't believe I wrote in one place that you were mean)

Im sorry that your dynamics have not worked out.

Kurai Mori​(dom male) • Jan 13, 2023

I'm in trouble here, as I don't come across domly at all... is that even a word, 'domly'?

Regardless, I'm just me at any meet and greet - you get the raw unfiltered me, the tiger camo pants and brightly colored socks in sandals. leather jacket with hand-cuffs hanging off the shoulder. Fedora with round lens glasses and the wrong color plaid shirt. Or maybe Hawaiian shirt, if I'm in a playful mood.
And if I'm in a real mood, I might even show up in the kilt (traditional of course).

I'll sit on the floor, or where ever is comfortable. I'll ask questions and wait for responses - ask for your input, rather than assume I have control of a situation that I don't even know if I am going to pursue. We are after all - only meeting to see if there is something beyond our mutual like for each other online... because now we want to see each other in person.

And first impressions count, right !?!

I'm mostly easy going and come across way to relaxed - despite being mostly anti-society. Which isn't the same as being anti-social... and I can be a control freak - yes, I have been known to color organize my closet and arrange it from work clothes, to everyday wear and dress only shirts. Thank god I don't have any more closets...

I'mME • Jan 13, 2023

Kurai Mori,

Should have read this first....

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 14, 2023

They assume.
They treat me like a play pez dispenser.
They cant have a 2 way conversation.

KatyLatex​(dom female) • Jan 14, 2023

Approaching the question from the other side by thinking of something which worked well, was to meet in person fairly quickly. At the time, I was looking for an in-person (not online) dynamic. Someone contacted me who lived nearby and after a few messages, I suggested we meet in a local pub for a drink and chat. Afterwards he said I stood out from others he’d exchanged messages with by suggesting the meet up. It showed I was genuine and allowed us to see if there was chemistry which is so much easier to determine in real life than via messaging.

CSI • Jan 14, 2023

They try to rush the physical. And although I think I am pretty spectacular all the way around, I get put up on a pedestal and they make assumptions that I cannot possibly be in to x, y, or z because of how I look or behave. "Too pretty to get dirty" was how one person phrased it.