How to battle Insecurities during sex?

How to battle Insecurities during sex?

DoseofCam​(sub female){Collared} • Apr 29, 2023

I have always realized I've been hiding myself during sex and It has caused me to not try certain sex positions because how my face or my body would look.
It usually wasn't much of a problem before, but recently while I am having sex instead of enjoying it I keep thinking of how awful I might look.

Anyways, does anyone have any advice on what to do? How can I stop thinking this way during sex? (ahh help please)

Hekate He Near​(switch female){Eros} • Apr 29, 2023

Buy a crotchless body sock. Get some smart lights and run colors in a pattern. Also, think back on your partners during sex. How many imperfections did you notice? Exactly.

We are our own worst critics and enemies. I promise in ten years you will look back, wish you had that body, and laugh.

I know it's easier said than done but try to relax, put yourself out there, and have fun. If they are your person, they will see you for who you are. If not, enjoy the interview.

Sasa​(dom female) • Apr 29, 2023

Might wearing a mask or having sensory deprivation help your brain to shut up and go back into your feelings? The idea with the crotchless body sock is great.
Anyway, the goal in this life is being who we are. Crazy hard, isn't it and we lose so much time with playing games.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2023

I agree with this and @Hekate's post. A fun distraction can go a long way.

I would add another component...your partner. I would talk to your partner and tell them about your insecurities. A good partner will do their best to make you feel beautiful, and they will also know that they may need to add in some fun distractions themselves. So you have two people fighting against this than one. And I mean, if you're having sex with someone, I assume it would be with a person you want to be able to depend on in such ways.

To add something else...be patient. If this is something you're struggling with, you adding in props, or someone just saying "you're beautiful" might not be 100% convincing at first. It takes time to change these things. But consistently putting yourself out there with the help of a supportive partner, eventually things will change. So, this would be somewhat similar to meditation I think. The first time a person meditates, they may not see the benefits...they start to notice weeks/months down the road. Be patient, I know it may feel like it, that this is a problem you have to fix RIGHT NOW(!)...but it's not. These things are a journey. There is no rush. Find someone patient enough to go on the journey with you.

I have seen this work first hand and otherwise. So trust the process.

Hekate He Near​(switch female){Eros} • Apr 29, 2023

OOO, yes Heeero this! My partner makes me feel beautiful and irreplacable. Building someone up should make them their best selves. 16 months in and we are literally just getting started because a partner's support allows both to be transparent and turn those fantasies into realities which in turn frees up space for new fantasies. Add in a few events for creative energy and you're suddenly in a dream you don't want to wake up from.

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2023

Exactly. And this doesn't just happen day 1. It is something that you build together.

And honestly, that building of trust might make it even more valuable in the end. You look back and appreciate how far you've come with this person, the things you've gone through. It deepens your bond and that takes up more space in your mind and leaves less space for insecurities and distractions.

Sometimes, the quick fix is cheating ourselves. Find someone willing to be there for you for the long haul.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Apr 30, 2023

I completely understand your feelings! I also struggled to just be "free", both vocally as well.as physically. OMG! The "What if's" that ran through my mind. I'm amazed I didn't choke on them.

Firstly, you are 19 and what you are.feeling and experiencing is NORMAL! Your frontal lobe isn't fully developed yet so you are living in your emotional center. It's a part of.life we all go through. Please try to give yourself some grace to just experience this part of your growth.

I can share with you something I tried that seemed to work for me.

Stand naked in front of a mirror every day. Look at yourself objectively and find at LEAST one thing you appreciate about your body. Do you have cute piggy toes? Do you like how your breasts are equally shaped? Are you like.me and have different shaped nipples that are just kinda cool? Do you have a really cute freakle? Do you have sparkles that shine from your eyes? Pick something, EVEN if it's just a single patch of skin. When you find that something, really adore it. Say it out loud. Fawn over it.

During the day, keep that image in your mind and continue to appreciate it. "Inve had a crappy day, my boss is an ass, school sucks, but DAMN! I really love that I have....".

Every day stand in front of that mirror and find something you love about your body that day.

I promise you, it may take a while, but, you will begin to love more than you hate. Let us know how it goes. ❤️

Personally, I think you are divine!

Heero​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2023

This is also a good idea!

I have also done this with subs, so it definitely works. There have been times when I would institute daily photos, and I would comment on what I found beautiful. Spoiler: it's not always what the sub would find beautiful about themselves. We are our harshest critics after all, as Hekate said.

It's amazing how, over time, something they thought of as an imperfection becomes a source of pride because "Daddy likes it". That soon becomes an internal "I like it too!". It also works, because it is authentic, I do find "imperfections" to be what makes someone special and beautiful at times. My authentic appreciation of the beauty will spill over.

From your experience, it seems doing it yourself would work equally well.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Apr 30, 2023

Heero,

The only problem I see with you providing the praise is that it is external validation. This is about internal validation. I would suggest that you change it, just a little.

Sure, have the submissives take their picture (that's not something I would have been able to do as early as a year ago) and send it to you, however, have them tell you what they like. In this manner, you act like the mirror, HOWEVER, it leads to them asking questions that again, are external validation.

She has to see it for herself, FIRST. Doing so ALSO prevents her (the OP) from thinking she as to use her body to gain acceptance from people.

I'mME • Apr 30, 2023

SBD,

I agree with your slightly different approach with the Dom asking what their partner likes .

Also I would add this as another reason for letting the sub validate themselves.

If for some reason they didn't work out, and we know that it's highly unlikely that Op will stay in this relationship 4ever.

But if a Dom is telling the sub they like this particular aspect, or this feature this could backfire, if they were to break up. Depending they may develop an aversion to the things their Dom pointed out as liking.

Did I make sense?