Kink Checklist

Kink Checklist

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 3, 2023

Hey Folks,

I need some assistance. I'm looking for a FREE, downloadable, comprehensive kink checklist that includes the yes/no/maybe/unsure/unknown columns. I'm having difficulting locating a good version. I'd love to have several options.

Can anyone direct me?

Thank you!

Draco inanis • May 3, 2023

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1u9ljApqg0qK0dhNEV6WIpOgBdpZ_OuFlphimUZN6y7s/edit
Created by Slacker5001
The best list I have found.

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate} • May 3, 2023

I have one for you. 😉

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1miIcXDWwz_-zJxCuYGn2_vQRlaglTUOdLMsb2N6rpZA/edit?usp=sharing

DeepEmbrace​(dom female) • May 3, 2023

Great post by SBD and super awesome resources provided by Draco and Eros.

I have found that with these things I often have to go through a million different resources and just create my own spreadsheet(s). That is what my kink friends end up doing, as well. Once you have your own master spreadsheet, it is easier to edit and adjust it based on pre-negotiations then share the final copy for negotiations to begin (or for updating in post-negotiations or re-negotiations).

There are a lot of quizzes out there like Sexionaire, MojoUpgrade, We Should Try It, and Quivre. Some are set up so they only show you and your partners your mutual interests. However, the issue with these is that none of them are comprehensive and if you take all of them they are extremely repetitive except for maybe a few items or a section or two.

That is why I recommend making a master spreadsheet with everything under the sun and use that. Or to make it more efficient you can take out anything that you know are hard limits or non-starters or completely non-interesting for you and your partner(s). Though I do recommend leaving that stuff in so it is written down that it is a hard limit, non-starter, or completely no interest.

Not really a quick way of getting a comprehensive one of these that is unique to you and your needs. But good to use resources or spreadsheets that have already been started as a way to cut down on some of the labor involved with them.

And dont forget to add a section on aftercare and medical issues, if you havent already! That is what I notice is missing on maybe of these. The other things commonly missing are anything that is seen as kinkier or more fetish-y-er than the "norm." Additionally, anyone who is LGBTQ+ and/or not in a male dom/female sub relationship/dynamic will most likely have to make a lot of adjustments to these resources and lists because most of these are written with heterosexual male dom-female sub relationship/dynamic in mind. If you are poly and/or ethically nonmonogamous, then you will probably have to make some adjustments as well and add in additional sections because many of these are written for monogamous couples and/or monogamous couples who miiight do a little group play or swinging on the side.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 4, 2023

I find the lists extremely helpful when introducing someone to kink and the language used. I find that since we have our our argot, using the lists helps to direct the discussion. You are able to explain what the differences are between how it's understood by vanilla "....but in this case, I believe/it is talking about....".

And sometimes, you find kinks even YOU don't know about and so you both get to research them together.

And sooooometimes, what hasn't been considered as a turn one, as you discuss it, your body lets you know that "hey! Wait! Let's try this!". Those moments are fuuuuuun!

😈😁

Purĕ​(sub female){♥︎loved} • May 4, 2023

oh, I could use one,
for the next time when the
"what are You into"-question slides into my inbox
🤭😂

Purĕ​(sub female){♥︎loved} • May 4, 2023

Soo true.

Maybe off topic:

But what I experienced is also, that something what I considered a "not into" became an "Yes please,never stop" after realizing that my "Dom" totally enjoyed it.
For me it was a "not into" eventho I never experienced it, but my mindset was "nope, not my thing".

We talked about it and the way he talked about it, ...I simply heard and felt how it excites him... so I needed to try it. It still didn't became a kink for myself, but his reactions and pleasure became the "let's do it again and never let us stop" thing.

(sorry for the off topic, I may take spanks as "punishmenr" )😊

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 4, 2023

It's not off-topic AT ALL (sorry but no spanks for you! 🤣🤣).

Lists can help facilitate otherwise uncomfortable discussions and in BDSM, discussions MUST happen.

I agree, sometimes, we do things because of the look on our partner's faces is what we want...rather than the kink.

Villanelle​(staff) • May 4, 2023

Just a heads up that we wouldn't normally let a thread stand with links to google docs or similar but in this case we have made an exception. With respect to those who have provided links, please take precautions when clicking on unknown links or downloading files.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention our own BDSM Checklist which you can complete via your profile. You can make it public or keep it for yourself. As others have mentioned, a list of this nature can be a useful tool for self discovery or for discussions and negotiations with a partner. We have a whole article about it in our Magazine, "BDSM Checklist: What's the Point?".

https://thecage.co/magazine,150.html

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate} • May 4, 2023

Thank you for the understanding. Maybe the cage could have a vetted checklist that could be downloaded in order for people to use offline? I know the one that I use is extensive, but then again, that is what I wanted. Another idea is a version of a contract that can be downloaded so that people have it at their disposal to use? This way the cage can insure the safety of the links.
The reason I bring this up is that there are newer people in the lifestyle that do not know where to get these resources and even thought the cage has a checklist, it is only for cage use. When vetting a potential play partner or dynamic partner, it is important to have something that can be downloaded and filled out, and printed.

Just a suggestion.

~Eros