I'm More Than BDSM

I'm More Than BDSM

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

When I think of what I am looking for in a Dominant, it is someone who is excited about me as a whole person. Not just interested when we talk or play BDSM and then leave me alone the rest of the time. At 71 and never having been married, I want someone who is ready and available to interact with me in my whole life and allow me to do the same with him. A person who shares of and about himself with me, not leave me feeling like I am prying into his personal life or having to pull teeth to get him to reveal himself to me. Someone to relax with, have fun with, laugh together with, cry with, talk serious with, be stable with, but also look forward to surprises with. I'm not content with pieces if a man. I want the whole man and I want him to want the whole woman I am. I haven't met such a person yet. When I wait for a man to be available during a week, and when his schedule eases and he chooses not to spend time with me, that is a sure fire way to deaden a relationship. In fact it is no relationship at all. I'm essentially still single and I won't do that. So far I've only met men who are excited when they are "training" me, whatever that means. Or viewing photos of me, or talking about BDSM. Sadly I have never met a Dominant who is excited about all of me and wants to be with me. I don't have a lifetime to discover a good Dominant. I may not even have 5 more years, who knows? I want a man who knows how to make the most of the time he has to discover me and me to discover him. I want it ALL doggone it and don't say I can't have it

SayYesMaam​(dom female) • Oct 15, 2023

You sound exactly like me. The title is definitely how I feel. That is who I am and what I want except I am dominant and require a submissive.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Oct 15, 2023

I really hope you're able to find a gentleman who will take the time to treasure you as a whole person. On the D side of things, we have this problem too, we call it being treated like a "kink dispenser". Make them get to wait to know you before you play with them, if they don't want to get to know you, then they're not worth your time or your submission.

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

Very true Aradialspire.

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

Very cool SayYesMaam.

decadentEssence​(sub female) • Oct 15, 2023

I know exactly what you mean and it's really frustrating! Had we been closer lambsone, we could have gone out on the town looking for our real men but definitely give them none of yourself until you can get some of them in return xx best wishes with your search

lambsone • Oct 15, 2023

I agree decadentEssence.

LordofPain56 • Oct 15, 2023

I have always believed that the BDSM aspect of a relationship is the least important, least impactful aspect of a good relationship. The persons personal characteristics, habits, lifestyle, financial habits, etc can have a much more devastating effect if those are not compatible between partners. Even to the point of how the Dom routinely interacts with his sub can put a relationship in arrears. I've always tried to address all those things first. If people are not compatible in vanilla aspects, it can't help much if just BDSM play is agreeable.
My only other warning is; don't overload the person with too much information at once. Let it flow gradually and give them time to absorb it all, find real life meaning in it. Give them opportunities to ask questions and raise any concerns. Even if you are the strong silent type, it is better to communicate to help insure the health of a future relationship.

LordofPain56 • Oct 15, 2023

Seems to me like this could have been easily avoided during the courtship phase. If you found him to be the type who likes to "objectify" you, and you didn't want that, then you should not have moved forward. There are some who crave that type of dynamic though.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2023

We are all more than the sum of our parts. We all have faucets of us and to have a complete relationship with another person we have to engage those faucets as well as the D/s ones.

But,

is it not why were are here on this site to seek out those others who do wish to engage that part of us? Just as there are sites dedicated to particular religions or sites for vanilla dating or fishing or comic books or, or or or.....

Yes one should not stick only to the kink, or the fetish, there is a reason we are all on here.