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Is it needed to tell me that you're a nice guy?

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30}
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023

Is it needed to tell me that you're a nice guy?

I feel like putting your characteristics in your bio is very helpful, especially if you don't have photos on your profile for privacy.
But why tell me in a message that you are a "really nice guy who is safe and sane" and then repeat it in every message.

Does it bother others when someone reaches out and pushes the "im a nice guy/girl" narrative? Do you think it's necessary to tell someone what you believe you are or would you rather show it in another way?

I feel like if you believe that you are a nice person, or a safe/sane person you shouldn't have to say it. Especially over and over again. I feel like once in the bio is perfectly fine, but if you have to consistently repeat is over and over again, it comes across like you are trying to convince me of it. I had someone put the safe/sane in the bio and push it in every message and when I mentioned something about it, I got "well if I said I wasn't a safe/sane person then it's not a good thing". Then proceed to get aggressive about it.
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Sincorrigible​(sub female)
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2023
For me, repeated comments and behaviours like that indicate someone who doesn't know how to interact in a socially appropriate way.

The lack of interpersonal communication skills is astonishing on any dating/social site.

Depressing.

I discount heavily and know straight away that that person is not someone I will enjoy conversing with.
Sololoquy
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
Sololoquy • Oct 29, 2023
I would be put off even if it appeared in the bio. It sounds like protesting too much or else being entitled. Being "nice" doesn't even say anything useful. Does it mean kind? Chivalrous? Compassionate? Conforming to society's norms of politeness? Being unobjectionable to people's grandmothers? Unable to be assertive or deal with conflicts? Toxic positivity?

Who knows? Actions speak louder than words, but in the meantime, there are a whole lot more useful words to describe oneself than "nice".

I'm a compassionate and thoughtful person who has no problem saying no to people to assert boundaries, even if it makes me the bad guy, and I'm also an emotional sadist in kink contexts, so I wouldn't even really know how "nice" fits in with all of that. But I think what I wrote gives a much clearer picture.
Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30}
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
I feel like I'm a nice person, but don't feel like I have to push that idea. People are going to make up their mind about me. Someone might think I'm rude. But I feel like repeating myself that I'm nice is meant to try and convince someone.
Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30}
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
Sincorrigible wrote:
For me, repeated comments and behaviours like that indicate someone who doesn't know how to interact in a socially appropriate way.

The lack of interpersonal communication skills is astonishing on any dating/social site.

Depressing.

I discount heavily and know straight away that that person is not someone I will enjoy conversing with.


For this specific instance, he just kept repeating his bio and how "safe and sane" he was. Ever after asking about the real him. That I didn't want the bio version of him because I can read it. All I got was how much of an alfa, safe, sane person he was. If felt off
K y i v
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
K y i v • Oct 29, 2023
Scammer, probably with few English skills..
Miki
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
Miki • Oct 29, 2023
Could be the dude is socially inept or at least "unrefined" as it would be awkward for most to put "I'm a nice guy" on a profile blah.

The second part "I'm safe and sane"-- well, given the number of creeps everywhere, I can see where a guy might want to allay any perceived worries on the reader's end, but again, that's not how to go about it.

Such things can be expressed without saying all that simply by polite and proper interaction in messaging and any texts or emails that might follow if someone were to reach out after reading that profile and matching behavior should someone not only start a conversation but subsequently meet the guy in person.

A better way to indicate "all the above" in a profile is to work via the "Limits" category and list all the things he is not into and won't do.

But still, , writing that on a profile not only looks strange, it's ineffective to the "smart shopper". Anyone can write how nice they are, how stable and harmless they are--- but the proof would be in the pudding.


Conversely (and hypothetically) if I were to to put things like "I am an incorrigible smart ass, take me with a grain of salt. I also slurp my soup, blow bubbles in my beverage through the straw and lick my plate in public after I eat."---

Those exceedingly endearing dollups of honesty is not at all awkward and in fact, are properly informative, and none would have reason to doubt it.

(and that would save me a lot of trouble declining "meet up" offers.)

Hmmmm
Freedomincaptivity​(sub male)
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023

Re: Is it needed to tell me that you're a nice guy?

Little Vixie wrote:
I feel like putting your characteristics in your bio is very helpful, especially if you don't have photos on your profile for privacy.
But why tell me in a message that you are a "really nice guy who is safe and sane" and then repeat it in every message.

Does it bother others when someone reaches out and pushes the "im a nice guy/girl" narrative? Do you think it's necessary to tell someone what you believe you are or would you rather show it in another way?

I feel like if you believe that you are a nice person, or a safe/sane person you shouldn't have to say it. Especially over and over again. I feel like once in the bio is perfectly fine, but if you have to consistently repeat is over and over again, it comes across like you are trying to convince me of it. I had someone put the safe/sane in the bio and push it in every message and when I mentioned something about it, I got "well if I said I wasn't a safe/sane person then it's not a good thing". Then proceed to get aggressive about it.


Oof, this is a loaded one. While I agree there is something silly about putting that in a profile. Nowadays people put way too much stock into silly terms or try to psycho analyze everyone and everything. I'm probably not gonna be popular for saying this, but I miss the time where people could just get to know one another and not have to go through an almost impossible to win application scenario as if applying to a job.

As for wanting to be perceived as nice, don't we all want the people we wanna get with to see us as such?


Last edited by * on Sun Oct 29, 2023 11:16 pm, edited 2 times in total
fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected}
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
Nice guys show they are nice they don’t say they are nice.
Kind of like honest people are honest, they don’t preface every statement with “to be honest.”

It’s a red flag for me… but a tiny red flag.

Even if they are nice… nice doesn’t always mean good. So it isn’t a selling point to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
LordofPain56
7 months ago • Oct 29, 2023
LordofPain56 • Oct 29, 2023
I once had a detailed profile (not here) that one could read and easily determine for themselves whether I was a nice guy or not. My current abbreviated profile here might not reflect much about my personality at all. I just don't care anymore. I'm just here for the forums mainly, but happy to talk to anyone who messages me with questions.