Disability and Real Time D/s and M/s Relationships

Disability and Real Time D/s and M/s Relationships

lambsone • Nov 16, 2023

I thought it would be interesting to learn about how folks who live these lifestyles in real life cope with disabilities. They can be any kind: physical, emotional, mental, etc. If you'd be kind enough to share what you do to maintain quality of life and kink and/or PE, perhaps someone can benefit from it. Thanks.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} • Nov 16, 2023

I’m a Bipolar Type II which is a challenging disability in a D/s dynamic. What we have to be most careful with is drop after physical play. I’m hyper sensitive to sub drop and sometimes I can get stuck there. The level of aftercare has to be much higher and for a longer period of time. I’ll usually need a good 3 days of f care.

Recently, we pushed a little harder than normal and I was stuck in drop for a week. I had a panic attack too (about 3 days after the play). So we are taking it easy on the pain play for a while and making sure I fully stabilize.

Being in a dynamic with a disability is possible so long as you and your partner are well versed in the ways that taking care of you are necessary.

AlphaByDesign​(dom male) • Nov 16, 2023

The best way to deal with disabilities is by avoiding any kind of self destructive behavior that makes your more susceptible to them, whether mental or physical. I know that many times this can’t be avoided because it’s beyond control like being in an accident etc..

As far as mental illness goes, I never get anxious or depressed, but I also don’t do drugs or drink alcohol or spend all day playing video games. (All of which I find to be a stupid unproductive waste of time). I try to stay busy doing something that requires mental energy or physical exertion. I love to run and swim and am a voracious reader. I’m also constantly interacting with people in the real world, not online. If you have a physical disability, I would find an activity that I can do for an extended period of time each day within your capacity to function. Like going for a walk, or doing stretches. If you’re consistent and and somewhat strenuous, it will change your mood. Just some ideas to consider.

Miki • Nov 18, 2023

I live a mostly solitary life, by choice.

As I wrote on another thread I have a roomie who is away more than home and that suits me and her.

There is nothing involved save for a very long friendship since college days.

Like me Kim isn't into gooey romantic relationships, (also she is totslly non- BDSM) because her work moves her around a lot, and she is also very independent.

The only relationships I can "speak" to are platonic friendships.

I also have disabilities. Clinical depression, which is properly managed by a rather powerful (and old school) med.

Additionally, as some in here have read on other threads, I am a deaf/mute.

So, those are somewhat challenging but having been like this since very young I have long since learned to cope--- and thrive.

Genuine friends, or as the case may be for others, partners are understanding and willing to do whatever to meet half way and/or otherwise mitigate the obstacles presented by disabilities... like mine or any, actually. Of course everyone is human and sometimes patience with a person who is limited may thin, but in the end the ability of both to move past such things is key.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

Thanks for sharing Miki. When you were playing, how did you handle signaling your partner if you had a problem? How did they tell you what they wanted you to do?

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

Very true Alpha By Design and some excellent advice. I grew up in a Bi-polar family and have come to believe that the person with the illness is primarily responsible in most cases for keeping their disease monitored well. I'm well aware too that sometimes they need help with it even if they are trying. But what you have shared would probably take care of most cases of it.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

Thank you for sharing your experience Sweetlydepraved. I myself have an inherited depression illness which is happily under control. But many in my family on both sides experience mental ill ess of one kind or another. Somehow, we all make it work and have managed to hold our lives together. I'm glad you have an understanding Dom who cares for you and that working together gives you the quality of life you need.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2023

I have a physical disability from scoliosis. When I had a Master years ago, it didn't really bother me much but since then my back has gone back almost to the way it was before the operation I had to correct it. All of my vertebrae are fused except for the first 4 in my neck and the last 4 in my tailbone. This shortens the torso and cramps the internal organs and possibly shortens a person's lifespan. So sex was a major concern for me at this age, especially since I've curved again. So what I do is practice with a dildo, research my illness to find out what I can and can't do, and inform a Master, if I have one, about my disability. I've let several know that I can't bend at my waist and can only bend at the hips. I have this in my profile here as well. I can't do positions where I'm bent and tied up like a pretzel even though we both might crave that. I am also 25% deaf now due to age so I may not hear commands clearly. I am missing some letters of the alphabet in my hearing too. So a Master would have to speak clearly, and at a moderate pace for me to catch what he is saying. I've had to ask for instructions to be repeated especially if an accent is involved that I'm not familiar with hearing. So these are the disabilities I mostly deal with now and how I handle them.

Beautiful eyes​(sub female){Taken} • Nov 19, 2023

I have secondary progressive MS.
I know my limitations.
However it can be hard to describe how you are feeling from one day to the next. I have good days and bad days.
Myself and my Daddy, have a really good way of communication, especially during a session or scene.
We use the traffic light system, plus one I have.
If I say a number, and spasm he knows by the number what I need.
He makes sure I rest well and am on top of my health. Daddy and my self take breaks durning the scene when need....it can take a bit of getting used to, however we get back into the mindset straight away again.
There are a lot of good equipment out there to help with positioning.
I tend to push my self to far at times, and sometimes I crash.....but open conversations help.
It just means we have to find creative ways around things sometimes, which can be half the fun.
I have been living with my condition now for over half my life, so I have gotten used to my condition. That doesn't mean it can't send me for a loop at times.
I know that I am not going to suddenly get better, however I am way to stubborn to give up. A very understand Daddy, and him trusting me to know when my body needs rest.
I don't know how long I will be able to take part in kink, however I do know, that I will take each experience and live life. Xxx

LordofPain56 • Nov 19, 2023

I'm old, but I aint dead yet!