Play with Emotional Attachment and without

Play with Emotional Attachment and without

Amaltheas Joy​(switch female)​{Honeybadgr} • May 6, 2025

My husband and I were recently, as in today, talking about emotional attachment in bdsm and D/s dynamics. He worried that I get hurt easily, which, I can because I do form attachments. These attachments come out especially hard when my little is involved. This got me to thinking, have I ever played without an emotional attachment?
Yes. It was rather lovely and there was no pressure. Once was a spanking scene, no sex and it was intense. Lots of humor, pain, aftercare, tears, and laughter. Ultimately, it ended because he attached and was not ok with my poly status. Another time was rather recently and it was fun. There was a scene contract involved, play collar, and it was educational. Again, no pressure.
But, in the instances where 24/7 dynamics appear with a contract, whether written or not, I seem to become emotionally attached. I can argue this is my trauma response...probably...but whatever. It is what it is. I attachment when I allow someone into my life and have more control over my daily routine. I tend to view that as a friendship and a commitment of a sorts. When the attachment severs, whether by me or the other party, I struggle with letting go.
So, for me, I can refrain from emotional attachment with play partners and scenes, but not from 24/7 dynamics with/without contracts. Which, makes sense right? Because the latter would theoretically involve being collared. But you can be emotionally attached to a play partner and have a play collar too. Just different levels of attachment OR are there people out there who can remain completely detached?

Fill me in folks. I want to know your thoughts. Share your insights. Lend me your brains.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • May 6, 2025

While I have mentioned a few physical scenes where there were no emotions attached, My favorite one is one I have told a few people here, but not the general populace of Cage at large:

Years ago, I was unpartnered and wasn't really looking for anyone, when a friend of mine told me of this woman, she knew, who was wanting something a tad off.

Seems she was getting married in a few months but was sorta unhappy. Her soon to be husband loved this woman to death. He doted on her hand and foot. He kept telling her she was perfect and could do no wrong. I think he was looking for a pedestal to put her on and wanted to worship her from below.

Frankly she was tired of it. She wanted to be yelled at and scolded and made to do things over when she made a mistake.

So my friend and I met with her and told her what she wanted was some mild humiliation. No biggie. The three of us came to an agreement where this woman would come to my apartment and clean it for me. All the time, I would follow her around and tell her "WRONG!" and make her do it over again.

No sex, no physical contact. The only clothes she took off were shoes and socks (symbol of submission and my foot fetish, don't you know)

So this operation went on for like 3 months. Then she stopped showing up. My friend told me the last time I saw this woman was the day before her wedding.

Never heard from her again.

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • May 6, 2025

I believe the writer of Slavecraft even says this, that if you slave for someone you will fall in love with them. He just states it as a matter of course, like it's the inevitable consequence of dedicated service. That makes sense to me. I don't think you can pour that much energy into someone, that much time and attention, and not become attached.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • May 7, 2025

Let me ask everyone this:

Can real objectification happen with an emotional attachment?

Fuckdolls, being treated as a table or bench, being referred to as a "thing" seems impossible to me if you have an emotional attachment

Amaltheas Joy​(switch female)​{Honeybadgr} • May 7, 2025

Topeka,

I think that it is individual and how we attach. I have an "attachment" to some of my things. My teddy bear, a cutting board, a necklace, etc because there is meaning and sentimental value to those things, these objects. I do not think the answer is black and white. I attach, therefore I need to be mindful that my expectation with someone Im engaging with has care for me and what does that mean. This is why clear conversation is so important.

So, I would argue that you CAN, but it depends on the dynamic and it should be discussed if attachment is desired or not whenever play is involved.

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • May 7, 2025

It’s entirely possible to have a roleplay scene of any kind where the participants play any role, while still loving and being attached to one another in the relationship at large.

In a more lifestyle context, I think objectification in any variation can coexist with attachment, but it takes time. You can’t start with attachment and objectification, because like any role you have to take time to live it with one another. If I’m treating my submissive as my cock sleeve and personal foot cleaner, because this is so outside general rules of respect and empathy it will take time to develop that role and for both parties to truly trust you’re both happy in your roles together. Once you’ve established that your submissive is content as your sub in the ways they’ve consented to it seems entirely possible to become attached to one another as such though.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • May 7, 2025

The first sub I had was married and so was I. We were happy with our vanilla spouses. We just wanted to have our kink. It was a drama-free relationship. The rl sex when we were together, and the online play when we were apart, was awesome. We enjoyed each other and had fun.
I guess it all depends on what you need. All we needed was what we had. There were no expectations for attachment beyond friendship. If there were, it would have killed it.

Amaltheas Joy​(switch female)​{Honeybadgr} • May 7, 2025

But even with friendship there can be an emotional attachment. Can you have a friendship without an attachment?

LoveandDevotion​(sub female)​{Taken} • May 8, 2025

I know myself well enough to know I can't not be emotionally invested. So I don't do casual. It's a committed relationship or I'd rather be alone, tbh.

Kelpi • May 8, 2025

I can't recall a time when I played without attachment. In fact it was an attachment that brought us to the play. I love to hear her moans and screams and all the other little sounds a sub makes when she is being played with. Most of all I love knowing I can make her create those sounds. To get to the point where you know just what to do and when to do iit does take an attachment for me.