Should be a class for new Doms.

Should be a class for new Doms.

Heart of Persephone​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2018

It takes a skill to be a Dom. I’m sorry but I feel that a 19 yr old cannot come in and say he’s an experienced Dom of many years. You haven’t been around for many years. I wish there was class for the young Doms to learn that being a Dom is not yelling “drop on your knees” when first meeting. Or “you will do this this and this everyday”. Or “do what I say I’m in charge”.

BDSM DOM​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2018

I agree with Lil Red Wolf on her post.

I also want to add in, that I dont believe these young ones are ready for the responsibility of taking on a pet, sub or slave. They are vastly inexperienced, and in most cases think this lifestyle is about power control. They live for the rush of being in charge. Which shows they are all about themselves. They are not ready for the lifestyle period. I know this sounds harsh, but if they are ego driven, uncaring of others, all about themselves, looking for a quick booty call, then they shouldnt bein the LS. In all honesty, I believe the LS is about Respect, Trust, The bond between the Master / Mistress and their guy / girl is also very important. And with open communication. In addition to caring about one another. This lifestyle is NOT just about sex and power. Its about so much more. To me a Good Master / Mistress provides for, protects and cares about their girl / guy. I know some will disagree but I stand behind my words. Honestly speaking any one under 20 years of age is not experienced enough to be a Master / Mistress. That's just my feelings about this.

ZacTheCuck​(sub male) • Aug 11, 2018

I agree as well, but that is the way of the internet. People can they are whoever they want to be, and most do. Honesty is something you will rarely find online. My say is just ignore/report fakes and people are just simply pretending to be something they aren't.

DrWakko • Aug 11, 2018

There are classes. Most communities offer classes. On top of that most experienced Doms will mentor and teach new Doms. The kicker is that most new Doms don’t ask to be mentored. The new Doms think they know everything.

This can also be said for new subs but it’s not as common.

Reserved​(other male) • Aug 11, 2018

I feel age is just one thing to be considered, new Doms period are a concern. Age and maturity for sure are connected, sometimes but I know 50 year olds who are still grossly immature and 20 year olds who have due to life experiences an old soul and maturity to match.

Beyond this as someone who was at one time a young person in my field I feel you cannot develop if there is not experience afforded to you. Now whether that is a submissive who has plenty of non scene time who can help, or a mentor Dom, or otherwise it will of course return to one of the basic tenets in being involved in a dynamic, communication.

There are always going to be people on both sides of the dynamic who just aren't quite getting the eb and flow of things. And sometimes we have to kiss some frogs. Fortunately this community seems to have people who have been around a while who are willing to help and either be a mentor or sounding board or otherwise. Conversely we also have cliques who seem to only be out to advance their interest while pretending to offer education so sadly even offers of help at times are fraught with danger and deceit.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Aug 11, 2018

Emotional intelligence, listening skills and empathy are the difference there. Unfortunately, they're also nearly impossible to teach.

Asteria​(neither female) • Aug 11, 2018

No class will make a good Dominant if the person him / herself is not a decent human being. There are no skills one can learn that are going to be of help if amongst them there will be no willingness to be honest. One can learn bondage knots or spanking techniques, but those will not solve everything.

Inexperienced Dominant can gain knowledge and experience step by step, sometimes with some help and support from more experienced submissive (or other Dominant), and sometimes by experiencing with equally inexperienced partner, so they can learn and grow together. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, the questions is whether we want to learn from them or not.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Aug 11, 2018

whats worrying me its not the young doms, but the subs who put their fate into their hands. But we cant deny the fact that young subs want a young dom, for lots of reasons, maybe wrong ones but if they want to learn this life on their own terms and with bad experiences so be it.
In another note, you could find a mature person who never had bdsm experience and still categorise himself as a dom.....

Asteria​(neither female) • Aug 11, 2018

It is not about age, I think. At least, not everything. Yes, with age comes patience and knowledge, but... only if a person wants to learn and grow, so it can't be taken for granted.
But I don't see anything wrong in a relationship of two young people, who want to explode BDSM together and learn and grow. It can be equally safe and healthy as D/s relationship with older, experienced Dominant.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Aug 11, 2018

I was 21 and my last Dom 19 when we started, prior to this we both had kink experience for two years, we both had an interest in BDSM however we both acknowledged that we both needed to learn a lot and develop our skills and knowledge base, one aspect of this that I loved was the open and honest conversations, this helped me as a sub to understand both sides of the coin and same the other way around. It was 6 months of nothing while we looked things up and got to know each other better as people. Part of the difficulty with this is finding likeminded people, you can find someone who has more knowledge but everyone has there own style and personally I wouldn't trade my learning in that way finding out what I liked and didn't for training under experienced Dom. This lasted for years, it can be helpful knowing others in the lifestyle but not essential, it can be possible to find your own way, just be very open honest and stop even if you cant explain why your uncomfy. Just my take, each to there own, this isn't to dismiss experienced and training Doms either.