I’m super new to this site and this lifestyle and still getting my bearings but so far unfortunately a large part of my experience has been negative as right off the bat I had men calling me a slut/whore/slave when I don’t even know them and it says nowhere in my profile that I would be interested in that. Is it possible to find a dom on here that is a genuine person? Someone who is not looking to humiliate and hurt me? The times where I ended up telling someone on here that I’m sorry, it doesn’t seem we’re a great fit for each other they immediately attack me and say how dare I turn them away or critic them? Honestly wondering if I can find a caring dom on here...
Unfortunately there are toads, frog and princes. Your 19, single and to them all, you are hot property. Don't worry about the ones that are...hmmm... to nice I'll use the word "idiots" although I'd like to call them other wise as they give the good Doms a bad rep. Worry about you because in the end it is all about you and the one you pick as your Dom. Just be polite. Politely tell them no and move on. If they continue, report them! Eventually you'll find your prince charming, just hopefully not to many toads.
You will encounter immature people from all walks of life no matter where you go, and it's best not to get worked up over them. The block button exists for a reason. As for what they expect to accomplish by being rude over the Internet... That I can't tell you, because I'm not sure.
What everyone else said. Honestly, sites like this don't require references, so you get who sign up. Judging from the morons who spam my inbox, many guys watch a few porn videos and call themselves Dominant. To them, every woman labeled as a sub are nymphomaniacs without standards. The anger that is directed at you is because your prick of reality burst their bubble.
You said that you were "super new" but you're already expecting to find someone ? Just like they can't go to Dom Depot, we can't hit up Sub's Way for a slab of beefcake. Any Dom worth having isn't going to rush things. He's going to take his time, have conversations that are perfectly ordinary, and see if you two are compatible. You're looking at months here unless you want to drop blood in the water to summon sharks.
Wait. Be patient. Read profiles and contact guys you find interesting here. Guys, not Doms. Unless you are someone's submissive, hold them to the standards that you would for anyone else. Just get to know people in general. Read blogs and forum posts. Strike up conversations about what you read. Who knows what will happen ?
I am in the same situation as you. The best way to deal with it is to not respond at all if they are crossing the limit. Right now just focus on becoming aware of yourself and learn as much as you can about bdsm.
If you want to find a real Dom check out your local munches and communities. A community will do their best to keep out the predators and the fakes. Plus a community will offer classes. These events can be intimidating to some, but remember everyone at the munch or event was in your shoes at some point in time. A community should be very accepting and welcome you in with open arms.
To find events or munches in the area do a google search for munches plus your city. You may have to drive a bit, but its worth it. The munch in most communities is the first step to becoming part of the community.
A lot of really good advice has been given on this thread (especially Aria’s comment, taking it slow is hard but worth it), so I won’t repeat that.
I will say I think it’s important to stay flexible and open to possibilities. You never know what you’ll find or who you’ll meet and when, whether that’s on here or some other site, or at an event. All of those things have something valuable to teach. If you focus on learning more about what you’re interested in, asking questions and getting to know people, I think you’ll find the decent folks If you crack at it long enough.
I also feel the need to say, and you should ask as you get yourself into a local community, what kind of vetting if any occurs. At the club in my town for example, if you can pass a drivers license scan and haven’t got a sexual criminal record, that’s all the vetting they do. As I’m sure you know, not having gotten caught or convicted for bad behavior doesn’t rule the possibility out—all this to say, the venue that you meet someone in doesn’t promise that they’re good or decent, which is why taking it slow is so important no matter where you meet someone—people reveal their true selves slowly and you want a good sense of them before making a commitment.
I also want to say that experience can mean someone has skill or technique, but that doesn’t mean they are a good person either, and the reason I say this is because many (here and offline in my experience) use that as a tool to push.” Ie with, I’m experienced and so I’m good and you should trust me” kind of talk.
The takeaway I’m trying to leave is this: stay open to new experiences and opportunities but to explore prudently, with caution, and not to let anyone push you out of your caution before you feel it’s right, no matter who they are or where they came from, how old they are or what they claim to know.
Also those assholes that are being rude because you’re not interested in their BS (because what you’ve described isn’t how decent folks behave)...block them. Report as well—harassment is reportable, and send screen shots of the convo to site admin Evangeline.
I hope you have a good time here or elsewhere and feel free to reach out to me at any time should you wish to. At the very least I’m a good listening ear.
It is simple, but not easy, to find a caring dom and it is possible for you to find someone. As you can see from the replies to your post, there are people from all parts of the scene who share your concern.
My opinon: On both sides (dom/sub and men/women) There are a lot of people who get into scenes and roles for personal gratification and instant satisfaction.
Just like with regular dating, some people hit the ground running without the adequate skill set or appropritate levels of emotional intelligence to maintain a healthy relationship.
As for the rejection bit, just block from the start. Do not waste time engaging someone you do not know over an issue or situation that would jeopardize your well being.
Hit me up with any other questions and dont give up the good fight.