I had a random Dom msg me with a response to my Skydiving. Normally I would not have not even read it but I did it was a simple response "You haven't realized that is what you enjoy about it? Scared and pleasure.... With so many levels from there. " and it made me think i that it? Endless possibilities of getting that Rush. I thought what truly attracts me to being a sub. And it is the Rush.
I made a bucket list after I was finally free of my 2nd abusive relationship. I wanted to live,to explore, to learn, to feel and conquer my fears. I wanted to FLY. My list full of things I'm scared of doing.
My grandmother taught me from a young age domestically a woman's place is to serve man, to do anything possible to make him happy he chose you. I experienced my first taste of BDSM at 16 and fell in love it. Submitting was in my blood I craved it. A tragic indecent caused my would be Dom to commit suicide. I was lost scared alone and found comfort in my 1st ex. I brought up my desires and was met with distain. So I surpressed my wants needs, desires and fantasies.And now that I'm free what I once craved now terrifies me. Like sky diving, swimming with sharks, falling in love; submitting was secretly on my list the whole time. Something that now feared but I knew of the pleasure that lied within. Submitting had become a never ending Rush that I crave again.