Ive craved you for months now. I thought by now I would have pushed you out of my system but you have only burrowed deeper. All it takes is a phone call, a sound of your voice. The words that you say to me and im right back where I started.
You have this way of calming me yet stirring my insides at the same time. Settling my head but making my heart wrestles. You told me the olther day that you are not scared of my emotions, to not hide them from you..... i replied I don't think its you I'm hiding them from.
To feel so much with so little physical interaction amazes me. So many times over the past months and months have i thought I should walk away. That im being selfish trying to keep you for myself. That you have so much to deal with right now I should give you space. You tell me no, you need me. I lighten your day and make you smile. You say I am strong, I am good, Im your princess. The truth is I too need you, otherwise I could walk away....... why can't I walk away.....
Absence is difficult but I've done it before. I love it when you call me yours, even if its just for that moment. That moment is amazing and makes me crave more. You dont wish for me to put my life on hold for you, but at the same time I cant move past what we could be. I just have to wait. Ive been waiting, and it hurts but I cant not...
You say its just bad timing and you wish it could be different. You've known sad your entire life. I've known love. All i wish to do is fill that empty space for you, to share what I have with no restriction. No boundaries. No preconceived perceptions. Just us. Happy. Together. As i know we could be. Daydreams, fantasies, phone calls and messages. Selfies, video chats and sending cards to my address. Its all food for my soul. Sometimes im starving and can never feel full, others im content and satisfied.
So for now I clear my eyes, pull in the straps that bind me and try to remember to breathe. When these tidal waves of emotions hit me, to hold in and stay calm. The storm will be over soon. Soon i will be able to function properly again. I just need 5 minutes to compose myself. To let the emotions out.
Breathe
Deep
Breathe
Release
