Ive started exploring a new dynamic with a Daddy. The best way I can describe him is a quote I found and fell in love with before I even met him.
"I, with a deeper instinct,Choose a man
Who compels my strengths,
Who makes enormous demands on me,
Who does not doubt my courage or my toughness,
Who does not beleive me naive or innocent,
Who has the courage to treat me like a woman" ~ Anaid Nin
One element he is adamant on is that we are not codependent on each other. That we both hold a safe loving space for each other but continue our own personal journeys for our destination or paths. To be our true selves and not an illusion of what we believe the other person wants. To feel love openly with no agenda. Sex and play is how we worship each other and deepen our connection, yet we are not dependent on false promises to eachother. To be 100% open about our emotions, desires (not just physically but also in life) and intentions.
For me personally it feels liberating. He allows me space to explore sexually and mentally but also demands that I'd be the best version of myself by being true to myself. Not by holding me back and confining me to his way of thinking. Rather encourages me to form my own opinions and is not scared of my intelligence or spirit.
It is something I have never experienced before. Even as a young adult I was controlled by the fears and desires of others. So it's fair to say that I have accepted this new encouraging form of love and affection and it is addictive. Which has me wondering about the differences between attachment and codependence.
Attachment: noun
1. An extra part or extension that is or may be attached to something to perform a particular function
2. Affection, fondness or Sympathy for someone or something
Co-dependancy: noun
Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who require support on account of illness or addiction.
I feel like I have spent a lot of time working on myself for the past 3 years. Two of those years I've spent single. I like the way I am now and I'm proud of how far I have come. I used to question my motives for being submissive and honestly as much as I desired it I also struggled with trust. I struggled with handing over control (because I'm a control freak). When I met my Daddy it all made sense to me. I had not worked this hard to have someone try to change everything about me (Yes I know that is an entirely different topic). But rather I wanted a partner, someone who would help me dream big rather than lock me up (pun intended). So when I compare attachment to co-dependency I much prefer the the premise of attachment.
This does not mean my heart is not full. Actually it means the opposite. It means that the love I have for myself takes pride of place. I hold a special place for my Daddy however I do not rely soley on him. My happiness is not because of him but he helps to echo it. He takes it and magnifies it. I do not need another person to complete me, because I am not broken. But I do want love, attention and someone to walk with me. He loves my independence and he can't wait to see me blossom with his love and attention. In fact I have never felt so happy and open.
I know that my interpretations may not resignate with everybody and that's ok. We all have different paths and different directions that life brings us. For me this feels like the right direction and a positive move.
