I've often been told I should share my experiences in written form. I, generally, share best in small groups or one on one. Whether in pm or chatting in the lobby or in person. But I do genuinely love to help others on their journey. So much so, I'm considering becoming a lifestyle coach/mentor.
Lately, newbies have been getting referred to me for help with their questions. Not gonna lie, it's a bit nerve wracking, but also I LOVE it. I enjoy sharing and helping others have good experiences in this lifestyle that I absolutely love. The sense of community I have searched my entire life for I have finally found. And to finally feel comfortable in my own skin, because exactly who I am...no longer hidden from the world.
So here is some beginner advice.
This is just what I have gathered over the years and observed and it is just the top of the iceberg. There is so much more...I hope some of this helps and if you have more questions, please don't hesitate to reach out - not just to me but others! Ask questions in chat. Listen to and observe others. Learn who has experience and ask them questions - on both side of the slash. Don't be afraid to ask those questions in the lobby. So many can answer your questions and give different perspectives, but also it could be helping other new people like yourself.
Just remember...no one has the "right" or "true way" answer.
Take it all in and go with what resonates most strongly with you AND do your own research. Lots of it!!! Read blogs, forum posts, google that shit!
Go to events and classes in your local community.
I learned here on Cage my first year. Too nervous to go out into the world. It helped prepare me and gave me the time I needed to learn and do research.
But the in-person community (I don't like the term IRL, because I truly feel online and in-person are valid lifestyles), is the most amazing experience I have ever known. The friends...the FAMILY...I have created and the experiences I have had compare to nothing else I have yet to experience. I could go on for days!
Fet is a great place to find local events in your area.
Don't be afraid. And if you are like me...I literally was in the lobby chatting the entire drive to the munch just to keep my courage up (and no, I wasn't driving). And if you don't like the first event/munch/group you go to, go again...it could be a different crowd. Or find another, but don't give up. And if there isn't a local community that is active or you are someplace that just doesn't have one (i.e. rural) - look for virtual events. It's not the same, but it is something!
Being new, there are many things, emotions, questions you may be having.
Is there something wrong with me for liking what I like?
The feelings that there is something wrong with us when we start out in this lifestyle is very common. Society's view on it is very negative and in most places the things we do are considered illegal. I went through that stage. What is wrong with me for liking these things (i.e. pain, bondage, edge play, age play, etc.) or wanting more (i.e. poly lifestyle, D/s, DDlg, S/m, M/s, etc.). Because of my experiences here and out in the local community... I have no reached what I call the fuck-it stage. I am who I am and if someone doesn't like it...fuck it and fuck them.
There is nothing wrong with us. It is just a different way of living and the rest of the world hasn't caught up - BUT there are more of us out there than you will ever know. I found out my a professional I was seeing is on Fet - coworkers too! LOL
Now, if you are mentally unstable (not saying you are!!!!!), then that should always be dealt with by professionals first - then come back to the lifestyle...That being said, you will find there many find this lifestyle a type of therapy, meditation, centering, grounding. A way to find structure and guidance. And those are amazing things. This lifestyle will also teach you so much about communication that you will never have known otherwise - a sense of closeness one can rarely find in a vanilla lifestyle.
What role am I - which side of the slash - what label do I use?
Navigating your natural or chosen role is different for everyone. I'm more naturally inclined to be Dominant, however, I chose to focus on my submissive side. It allows me the chance to let go of all the control and pressure that I have on a daily basis with work, motherhood and maintaining a household. For others, it is a natural state of being. It's who they are.
There are also various sides to each side of the slash. A sub can be a slut, masochist, little, babygirl, princess, brat, service-oriented, etc. A Dominant can be strict, a Daddy (caring but firm), a Sadist, etc. You can be one or all or just some. And the great thing is YOU DON'T have to choose! You can explore each facet as it comes out and decide if it is truly something you enjoy or not.
I find that, for me personally, the aspects or traits or even the side of the slash depends greatly on who I'm interacting with and even what is going on in my life or environment at the time.
I think that is enough for now. Again, I hope that something in this blog resonates with you and helps you in your journey. My "door" is always open. And please feel free to share what you have learned on your journey in the comments.
