I saw a forum post today that caught my attention. It was an excellent question. I felt compelled to reply.... my reply kind of ended up a blog in response, so I am posted it here as well.
Here is the link to the forum post by @Badgirlblues.
https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2853&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=
BDSM is inherently dangerous. It is both illegal and stigmatized in "normal" society. When doing something dangerous - it should NOT be spontaneous. That is how people get hurt or worse. BDSM, whether as a kink or lifestyle, requires an enormous about of knowledge BEFORE practice and continuing education as you practice. It also requires a LOT of self-reflection and analysis of why you are exploring this lifestyle and what your interests and limits are.
Can you imagine if someone just decided one day to call themselves a doctor and began performing surgery or prescribing medication?? Doctors go through nearly a decade or more of education before they can call themselves a doctor because it REQUIRES knowledge BEFORE practice. So why would you allow someone to have control over you or would you attempt to control and take full responsibility for another without learning how to first. Parents are an example of doing something without prior experience and look how well that turns out for so many kids (and their parents) when they aren't prepared to actually BE a parent.
Does it take away spontaneity? Yes. Absolutely. But if you are practicing safely (SSC) that is necessary so someone doesn't get hurt. People who participate in BDSM activities without knowledge, without vetting their partners or even just taking the time to develop trust FIRST can end up getting seriously messed up both emotionally, mentally and physically.
Once the trust, extensive communication and research happens, spontaneity can be introduced to the dynamic IF it is agreed to. It's called consent. If you have known your partner for a long time and you decide to give BDSM a try - you still need knowledge and an abundance of communication (and a lot of it), but experimenting can be accelerated because the trust should already be there if in a healthy relationship.
I had known my Daddy for 24 years before we started our journey in the lifestyle. I trusted him. I trusted him to not hurt me (in the bad way... but we still did a LOT of research however because the trust was already there, we could implement what we learned more spontaneously though slowly. Even with the trust, we still hit bumps along the way because we didn't know ENOUGH and because we didn't have the communication skills necessary. In hindsight, how we learned was more RACK than SSC in a lot of ways.
By having all that knowledge and learning to use communications skills effectively, enjoyment should be able to attained more quickly and less dangerously. IMO, it should be a requirement to practice BDSM.
This does not mean there is no enjoyment had along the way. And I think those experiences are shared quite frequently as people share their personal journeys. Which many here do.
But because there is so much misinformation out there and so many that DO jump in before learning, there are considerably more educational type blogs than experiential because those of us that really care about this community want people to be safe and impart the knowledge we have learned.
Though, I feel the really great blogs include both. Personally, if I write a blog - it literally is being written based on my own experiences and the knowledge is imparted along with the relating of the experience.
**This is my own opinion based on my personal experiences. I welcome commentary and discourse on the subject.**
Be kind to each other. Do your research. Be your freaky self.
😻Kitty😻
