learning to love my hands.
I have hand dysphoria. Being intersex it is hard to ignore ways in which my body decided to present (cis female.)
I have dainty hands.
Yesterday at work In a hospital I reached for some gloves and when I realised I had put on extra smalls and they could fit relatively fine. After the call I had to go into the bathroom and take a moment to regain composure.
My hands to some don't look small because I have long finger but the palm of my hand is only about 3 and half inches long and not thicker than a dime.
Ugh 😫
I have trained in martial arts my whole life and often do weight training so I am really strong.
This makes my hands feel smaller than they should be since why can't they look powerful!
Creating the headspace to look at the bright side💡is a challenge. Lets try it?
My hands are so compact when I grip it can tigten like a snake since the bones can almost coil up due the size.
Also I give great massages due to the fact I can be both delicate and yet powerful.
I have with plenty of training so have high dexterity and can often do things people find hard rather it is thread a needle or making a clean cut with a scalpel.
My hands have a unique mix of power and tender that had they been bigger they could not do.
So what if hands might never be masculine why is that a bad thing - in my brain?
I might wish for androgynous features but there is nothing wrong with liking some of my "feminine" features?
I love my F breats and although choose to wear binders most of the time due to being harassed never once wanted them to be altered.
I want to love my hands and not view them as a psychic liability.