IceGirl(switch female)

Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Me just sharing what comes to mind.

Afraid of attractive sexy men.

1 year ago. October 25, 2022 at 10:33 AM

I have anxiety around the fact I might soon have sex with a guy. Since biologically my stupid female body makes me crave it at times.😰

I have been fairly transparent about my feelings and experiences. The majority of my life I tried to pretend it was all just one horrible dream but sadly each day I wake up it's just another day.

I had mentioned how I have been exclusively with women but recently I almost had sex with my best guy friend of 15 years but due to him having ED issues he couldn't get it up.

Ultimately this was like taking a sledgehammer to the 15 years and we now have a shitty strained relationship that ultimately I don't believe can survive.

That's the context for this in the moment I was aroused for him I felt my body so strongly respond hormonally I don't even know if I was thinking at all .

When it wasn't happening I was in tears and shaking violently from the frustration that permeated every fiber and cell of my being.

When a woman who had swore off men goes face down ass up and is grinding her lips driving her hips into your cock praying for you to get it in her.

That does not seem like the state of someone who's spent an entire life convinced she's a lesbian.

I had always said to people I was bisexual but am 95% 5% I find like almost every woman attractive in some way but I'm only into a small select group of guys.

Yet what hurt so much is that when I did find a guy attractive I not only behaved so differently I just didn't have any control the way I have with women the raw desire too strong it completely overwhelmed my sanity.

Does this mean if I find a guy attractive I'm more attracted to him then any woman?

I don't want the answer but this is one if the reasons I'm just done talking to guys who find me attractive at all.

I once had a girlfriend who realized when I was in my ovulation window I couldn't go out without her or I had to stay in the house.

I thought it was abit much but now I see sorta what she saw in me but I felt it my body totally would love a guy to fill me with his seed during certain times of the month and she just determined that by how I would dance talk and touch guys.

Since I don't ever wanna make this mistake again until I have a girlfriend caring enough to keep me away from guys I gotta do it myself.

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Your hypersexuality isn't a flaw in your personality. It's hormones. It's nature. It's biology. It's normal and natural.

1 year ago

IceGirl(switch female) - It was the first time I felt such an urg. Even after having that experience once It would be ludicrous to say it hasn't changed me. 😓

I used to denigrate my femininity, I realize it is as much a part of me as my eyes.

I just choose not to explore my feminine lust that doesn't mean its not pleeding for me to give it an opportunity to come out to live more three dimensionally.

I feel sadness that I hate this aspect about myself and can't just embrace it but I refuse and really wish it didn't exist.

1 year ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I understand you have a huge amount of shame regarding your feminine side. It'll take time to no longer be at war with yourself and hate that part of you. Please grant yourself some grace. Forgive yourself for anything you may have had to do to survive and keep working at it. I know it's a difficult road but the more you dig towards authenticity, the lighter and free of the Shame you will be one, I PROMISE you.

It's too bad the journey sucks big monkey balls to get there.

1 year ago

ozark hiker girl(sub female){Owned by E} - I agree with SBD, grant yourself some grace. Life is hard sometimes but don't beat yourself up about things you find out about yourself that you didn't know. We all grow and change and yeah sometimes it's really painful. hang in there!

1 year ago

IceGirl(switch female) - I don't wanna grow that's the thing I liked the way things were. There is an old saying i heard it call frog and the scorpion or turtle and the scorpion.

One day a Scorpio asked a turtle to take him across the river and the turtle said no way you'll sting me the Scorpion said no way id do that we be in the water and we'd both die as they were almost through the water there was a crash and the turtle felt a Sting through the shell and was panicking saying you fool now we're both gonna die why would you do that.

The scorpion replied I couldn't help it it's in my nature.

As talked about I spent my life resisting my nature hell i didn't even allow myself normal female hormone balance until 32 because it made me so uncomfortable when my body was firing on all cylinders.

Now I been that way for years and my mental state and my body are in a constant state of war.

My body wants me to just try to chill out and be more typical so that way I can have a more typical life and by extension have normal relationships.

I don't much care what my body thinks this inner conflict.

1 year ago

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IceGirl​(switch female)

Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Afraid of attractive sexy men.

IceGirl(switch female)