Oh my god, back in August one of my ex best friends made me promise to no longer use disapline or any force against my arousal.
They argued it wasn't healthy that arousal is a normal part of life and in reality if anyone I knew was that way I'd fucking ask them to stop.
But then it leads to moments like this I wake up after having a very arousing dream with a threesome with a male and a female of all things and end up alone on my bed with no one to play with me so damn horny the only thing masturbating did was lead me to tears.
There are times I really feel for women and men who take a vow of celibacy not that I have but the human experience really doesn't play nice when sexual needs aren't met.
I generally only get serious with women but even more I first need a deep emotional connection it's why in the last 7 years every attempt at a relationship has failed I was just sick of meaningless sex.
Like I am not a human sex toy maybe its because I was raised Catholic or because I was engaged to be married and my girlfriend left me when she decided she'd rather be with a guy or maybe it was the sexual abuse. Whatever contributed to me becoming this way no matter the just I just can't fuck someone until I love them and I guess its so old fashioned I am hopeless.
Someone just shoot me.