During times of my life, I have an aversion to touch, to the point of panic. My Sir has only two choices to help me get over it.
A. Put me on the cross and give me enough pain to do what he likes to call a "reset"
Or
B. Pure orgasm overload which he calls my "factory reset"
I still fight it and it is a forced response. Like I can't get my brain and body to agree.
It is difficult to want touch and to also be touched and try to run from it in panic.
Over the years, he has helped me retain some of my sanity and lessen the shame I feel for not being able to be sexual at times in my life.
So many throw around "asexuality" like it is cool, but this is what life is like on a daily level. The constant fight with yourself and the wish for normal. To want love, sex, and affection, yet run and cry and deal with the shame when you "just can't "
If you live with this and need an understanding ear, my inbox is open.
Just know that you are not alone.
