*Clears throat and does best Eminem impression* Hi, kids! Do you like violence?
That may be the weirdest, yet most fitting, intro to a post I’ve had. Neat.
Good morning, my dear loyal reader! This post is going to touch on a topic that may be sensitive to some people, so please proceed with caution. I’ll have a proper trigger warning in just a moment, but before I do, I just want to say if you don’t finish the blog, due to the nature of the topic involved, I completely understand and I still love ya! My next post should be back to its regular goofy format.
***TRIGGER WARNING! The following post is going to touch on CNC, or consensual non-consent. Please proceed with caution!***
Disclaimer: I would never touch a person without their consent, and completely despise those who subject others to any form of abuse.
With that all out of the way, let’s begin, shall we? CNC, or consensual non-consent, for those unfamiliar with it, is a bit of a darker and arguably more taboo style kink where a person, or group of people, agree to a consensual scene where one or more participants roleplays a lack of consent in an often rough or violent sexual encounter. I dislike the big R word, but that’s kind of what it is meant to emulate. And of course there are different varieties of this kink, and I can’t spend all day working on definitions, so we will go off of that general concept.
I can completely understand how this kink is not for everyone. It is a little fucked up. It’s a little twisted. And if anyone reading this has ever had their consent stripped away, I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am that it happened and I wish you nothing but peace and love in this life and the next.
The general focus of this post is not to go into details and explain how to do it, or try to convince people it’s right or wrong. My focus is going to be a couple questions that I can’t seem to understand.
As for me, I enjoy this kink. Or at least the idea of it through written mediums such as text. I’ve never been in a situation where I got to experience it in person, and my opinions on it could change drastically. It could be too… real, I guess. So that’s worth keeping in mind too, I suppose.
The first quandary I have comes from previous experience with the kink. I had a friend and play partner who was into this and kind of opened my eyes to it. She loved it. It was the focal point for a lot of roleplay and stuff and it went generally well once I got more experience with it and overcame some of my concerns.
You see, this friend is one of the coolest people I’ve ever had the chance to know. But she’s also one of the women who have had their consent stolen from them. On multiple occasions. So I tiptoed around to avoid causing major problems or flashbacks or anything like that. And I never did, but I’d be a liar if I said it wasn’t a concern.
But the interesting part of it, is that given her history of abuse, how into this kink she was. I can’t wrap my head around it. To turn one of the scariest, most horrific things to ever happen to you into one of your favorite kinks? It boggles the mind. I don’t know where it sits on the spectrum of healthy to batshit crazy, but it’s on there somewhere.
Has anyone else come across this? Or possibly have a good reason for it? Because I honestly don’t understand it. But I’m also not a smart man, if you ask most of my exes.
the next topic on CNC that I’m curious about, is how does it work on a mental level? Ideally, you’ve agreed to take part in the scene, you know generally what to expect. Once it begins, you KNOW you’re safe (assuming you’re with a trusted partner) and they know you gave consent.
So how does that work? One of the biggest draws of CNC, in my opinion at least, is playing with fear and the highs and lows from the adrenaline. But that wouldn’t last long, right? Doesn’t it break down into just really rough sex at that point?
And that’s not even counting the fact that it can mess up the flow of things when you check in with your partner. Some people are better at staying in the moment than others, so that could also break the immersion. And I feel like communication is huge with this. But most of it would likely take place before though.
Of course this is for an in-person scenario. With a text based session, it’s easier to suspend reality a bit more and let your mind go. And maybe that’s my disconnect with it. I can see the flaws and the weaknesses of the scenario because I’m analyzing it from a position of not being actively in that moment. Once it’s real, things may change.
Or maybe there is no rational way to view it. I’m a nice guy. Some would even say I’m a good guy. So trying to wrap my head around something that stems from an act of pure evil may just not be possible for me, and that’s ok. I don’t need all the answers. But I still ask the questions.
I still love the CNC kink, even though aspects of it confuse me. I will enjoy the opportunity to engage in it when it’s available. And while text is the only medium where I have actual experience with it, I do look forward to the idea of trying it out in person one day. Sure, I’d never so much as pat someone on the back without their consent, but if you give me the green light, shits gonna be interesting.
To close this post, I want to take a moment and again speak to anyone who has ever been abused and had their consent stolen from them. Wether you’ve been a long time reader of my blogs or if this is your first time seeing one, wether you stumble across this the day it’s posted or weeks, months down the line, know that I love you. And I hope you’re doing ok. There’s no way to take back what you went through, but just know you don’t have to go through it alone. There are all kinds of support systems in place. And even my goofy ass is available to talk if you need it.
