Good afternoon, my dear loyal reader! How are you this fine Thursday? I hope you’re well! And if not? Stop it! Because it’s just that easy, right?
But I’m doing good today. It’s a happy day. It’s my birthday! I’m now another year older, a little wiser, and not quite grey enough for it to matter. Which I’m weirdly annoyed with. I know the grey is coming, so hurry the up!! Stop teasing, you jerk! I’m ready to go grey gracefully and fully embrace life as a silver fox. Or whatever term is used nowadays, since it’s not the early 90s anymore.
To celebrate my birthday, I have spent most of the day listening to music, even though I’ve been working all day. The joys of having the easiest job in the world! Later I’m going to dinner with family, followed by a relaxing night at home with maybe a little fun on the side. Who knows? Could happen!
But the overall topic of this post is going to be a little darker, a little less happy. Yay for that on a birthday, right?
But I pose a question to you, wonderful reader of mine. Have you ever been dealing with a heavy emotion and randomly found a song that just completely fits your mood and explains what you’re going through in a way your own words just couldn’t?
Obviously everyone has been in some sort of mood and a song comes along and amplifies it or helps you cope or even makes it worse. That’s one of the beautiful things about music. It can really have an impact on one’s emotions.
But that’s not quite what I’m asking. Have you ever been neck deep in the shit and a song comes from nowhere and just explains the tangled mess in your head and makes sense of the chaos in your heart?
It happened to me recently and it was such a strange feeling. To peel back the layers of the onion that is me, I deal with a lot of negative thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Chalk it up to a family that didn’t care. But I’m not here to bash them or vent my frustrations.
Recently I was having a fairly strong bout of self doubt and feeling like I wasn’t good enough or able to be… anything really. Am I really a man? Why do my friends even talk to me? Am I even worth looking at as a romantic interest? Am I going to be a good father if/when the time comes? Am I even a good person?
Luckily, these thoughts spring out of nowhere and choke me like a Popeyes biscuit without a drink. So it’s a fun game of “Let’s ruin this kids whole fucking career!”
Sorry. I got weirdly sidetracked. The point is, as I was running the shit gauntlet, I had a song come on that just hit me in a strange way. One line struck a chord. I listened to the song again. I really paid attention to the lyrics. The whole song really start to resonate with me.
I must have listened to this song a dozen times. Each time a different line came along and hit me. It made me analyze it all in a new light and it made me forget about all of the “You’re a fraud! You don’t belong here! You’re not good enough!” nonsense I was feeling.
So what was this song? And what lines in it caused such a strange revelation? It was Perfect Machine by a band called Starset. If you know them, then you know they can put out some great stuff. If you don’t… go check them out if you like good rock. But the part that really got me, and still does, honestly is this:
I'm just a liar
Without deceiving
I'm just a broken clown
Make believing
I should've let you know
You should've ran for cover
I'm just a parlor trick
A two-bit counterfeit
And when I start to feel those negative things creeping into my brain, I just go listen to this song. And it helps. I don’t understand how or why. That requires a level of smart that I’m just… not.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or what songs really “fix” you when your brain wants to be problematic? Music is a great tool for coping with mental and emotional trauma and issues, at least for me. So I’m curious if you are the same, my dear sweet reader. So tell me, are you?
