Hello, my favorite reader! Yes! You’re my favorite!! Why would I lie about that? All the other readers can go fuck… Wait, that’s rude. And in this community, isn’t telling someone to go fuck themselves just an invitation for a fun time?
I kid, of course. I love all my readers equally!
But you’re still my favorite ;)
Todays topic is going to be a little strange. Based on the title, there will be truth in the advertising!
Before I begin, I have to give a random content warning. Because random, it is. This post will be about animals and sex.
THERE IS ZERO REASON TO HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS! THAT IS NOT WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! THESE ARE TWO (maybe more) CONSENTING ADULT ANIMALS IN WEIRD HYPOTHETICAL SITUATIONS! THERE WILL BE EXACTLY ZERO HUMAN INVOLVEMENT!! PLEASE SEE THIS AS THE HUMOROUS CONCEPT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE!!
At lunch today, I was having an amusing conversation with my sweet slutty angel about random wildlife and we were talking about possums. She mentioned that she thought they were cute despite everyone thinking they were ugly.
I laughed and said “Just like me! You think I’m cute when I’m just funny looking!” That got the expected laugh and then I followed up with how I may be a giant possum with a functional and useful tail. That kind of made her think for a moment before she erupted in laughter as I said, “In the dark, everything can be a finger!”
That got me, somehow, to pose the question: If animals were into kink, would they use their tails?
And THAT is the weird shit I’m going to dive into today!
Possums:
If a possum was into some kinky things, their tail could be really good for a few things, right? Impact play with that weird bony worm-like tail would make for a good little whip! Or wrapping it around their possum playmate’s neck and engaging in a little breath play? Do you think they would do that? Hell, I would lol
Dogs:
Dogs spend an awful lot of time giving long loving licks to their crotch. Can you blame them?
Off topic, but related: If you could lick yourself like a dog, would you? Would it be weird or just another form of masterbation? I can say without doubt and without hesitation that I would lick myself so much that I would no longer be welcome in public places or family gatherings. Doggy style, indeed! #NoShame!
Back to dogs:
As mentioned, they have those tongues, and I’m sure they would get some enjoyment out of them. But what about their tails? Some dogs wag them so fast and are so floofy it could work as a makeshift flogger. Not sure it’ll work because of their fur and coat though.
Cats:
Cats tails are a bit more flexible, so I could see them working really well as an anal toy during their feline fun times. Slide the tail in and watch it stick out your partners nose! I know that’s not how that works, but none of this makes sense. Done get pedantic!
Turtles:
Nipple clamps. Enough said.
Birds:
Feathers are already commonly used in various amorous activities, so why not expect Polly to tickle his… beak a little?
Frogs:
Those tongues have to be good for something! You just have to hope that the sticky part doesn’t randomly pull you inside out of it gets stuck on something. Although, someone tickling my ribs from the inside then ripping me inside out isn’t the worst way to go. 6/10, would recommend, May need vodka though.
So… yeah. I’m insane. These thoughts are why I’m not allowed in public without an adult.
What other animals have anatomies that lend themselves to being kinky with their own species? There has to be more! This could be a weird children’s book that we write!!
