Diary,
I find myself being extremely annoyed by my self-awareness😅. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time.
(I feel because I'm aware, I'm always conscious of other people's feelings.)
A blessing because I can understand and appreciate/accept that no one person is the same as the other.
Because I want to understand how they view the world. I know that it's ok if they don't see and feel the same things I see and feel. I know that sometimes I may not understand them but it doesn't mean I can't accept them for who they are.
It's a curse because I tend to put others before me, especially if I care for them.
Now don't get me wrong. I love caring, it a part of who I am but it suck when I don't feel like I'm being cared for the same way.
I don't do things for others because I'm expecting something in return. I do it because it feels right to me in the moment, because it makes me happy to make you happy.
But It be nice if I felt the same type of treatment from someone. (Haha, I probably wouldn't know how to act 😅)
😁 I'm working on being selfish. It's hard but I started asking myself constantly "what do I want?"
And the answer is simple and complicated, just like me.
What do I want? I want to be my weird self and be accepted.
What do I want? I want to laugh every day but I also want you to make me cry from the pain.
What do I want? I want you to tease me, so I can beg.
What do I want? I want to feel bliss, mind, body and soul.
What do I want? I want to be loved and owned.
What do I want? I want everything and nothing.
But most of all I want to know what you want? What you like? What you need? And how can I make you happy?
Smh.. I just can't help it😔
