"This woman needs a safe place to land, the strength in your hands"
Home is where your heart is no matter how far apart.
So going through my old music and found these 2... so many more but I know not everyone's a country fan. Once again my music spectrum is alllll over the place
Quasimodo a story I was told as a child to scare me to do what was right. The scary man who lived in the bell tower, the one so horrid his own family didn't want him.
Many days I'd walk past the tower and see movement wonder if the stories were true. I could relate to the stories, I put on a brave face everyday as I would go to work or walk amongst the crowds but for me my heart was always in the shadows. I feared everyone and everything.
"Esme" the quiet soul with the happy face. The odd girl who smiled but no one knew anything about. I had not past no future was just here and now. I lived in the city almost my whole life never traveling like my family before me had never getting out to explore. I was just another person in the faceless world.
The night came quickly and I found myself looking at the tower, lost in thoughts of the man who lived there. I didn't hear them come up behind me grabbing me and muffling my cries, as I struggled I looked up and saw him in the tower. I swore I thought I saw rage flash over his face before everything went dark.
I tried to struggle to get free, I couldnt see. I felt held down scared and trying to run they were everywhere. The demons wouldn't let me go. The mocked me told me I was useless I was nothing no one would miss me, they laughed at me as I struggled, the tears welled up and then I heard a loud crash. I was giving up then I heard a clam voice say "unhand her" the others laughed. I tried to fight and heard the voice again saying the same thing then there was commotion all around me. I fell to the floor and curled up trying to hide from it all. The demons were going to win. They were going to take the brave voice and I to hell. I started to shake as I felt even more in fear and then I felt someone grab me up in their arms and run.
It felt like we ran forever I didnt know who had me if the demons still were there. I felt warmth surrounding me a calm, then there was light, a beautiful soft glowing light. I took in my surroundings and saw the bell. I know where I am. I was free from the demons and in the hands of what people said was a beast. As I focused I saw his eyes and knew I was forever his.
My Esme he said, you've always been mine and I protect what's mine. You no longer have to fear, the demons cant get you with me. I will keep you safe no matter what....
I knew my² heart was his.....
Even though Disney made this story very different I believe they were meant to be. Esme saw Quasimodo for who he was inside and though this is one story where a Disney hero doesnt get the girl, I believe that a connection like theirs couldnt end any other way but for Quasimodo to have his Esmeralda.
3 years 4 months and a day was the last post I ever put on Facebook or ig of my ex. Out of all the 100s of pictures I have on there maybe a handful are him and I or him alone. Any others have my children on them.
Six days from that last post my life started I showed him the door and changed the locks.
Well last night 3 years later he demands I delete the pictures of him on facebook.
1. No
2 no because my kids are in them
3 no because it's my past and I dont try to forget my past
4. No you don't get to demand from me
5 hell no its mine!
He said I was crossing boundaries, that hes remarried and loves his wife... lmao so what stop stalking my Facebook because you had to scroll wayyyyyyyyy back to see any of those pics!
My kids deserve to see us when we were happy and know they were included, that we did things as a family with both sides of our family.
They know now that mommy and daddy couldnt figure out how to be friends anymore so they arent together and that mommy just wants Daddy happy.
Now with that said the asshole can kiss my ass because it's my social media and 3 years later you dont get to say shit!
Some of my favorite music only comes in this month
And some of the best movies!!!
So you know your from cali when its 55 out you get your hoodie on and have frozen hands and toes...
Great remake of a great song!
Happy Tuesday
Today I was faced with a reality I had known was coming but kept putting off.
I let go of the one last barrier i had in place. I had a safety net always.
When my ex and I separated I met someone here. He was my everything (almost) for 2 years.
I was let down over and over and my loyalty kept me there and my need for someone. I started to venture out and started to grow.
I was to the point that I was ready but put it off until my little man asked me if this person was ever going to be here and said hes never coming. I knew then I was crippling myself and only hurting is all.
So today I said goodbye to the person who helped mold and shape me into who I am today. I dont fault him his choices or what happend. I fault me for not being true to myself.
Today I release all of the weight I carried and false dreams I let live in my heart. Today I may have hurt another soul but it was to save my own.
Tomorrow the sun will rise (cali bi polar weather permitting) my littles will wake up smiling and hungry and I will find my footing again and when the time is right I will be free of baggage and be able to give all of me no holding back.
So until tomorrow I will mourn my loss and tomorrow know it's a new day.
I
I want someone who knows me just to say my name
To tell me though things are different now somehow I'm still the same...........
(To have someone see you to understand)
For two years I've lived my life way out on a limb
I put my faith in you not knowing you would break in the end.............
( putting faith in a person to have them drop you is the hardest part)
If it's true home is where the heart is
I guess now I'm homeless...........
( I have always believe home isnt a place it's a feeling)
This song.... at so many times of my life it just fit. We never get back to "me" just a better version of who we were!!! Never go back always keep moving forward.
Live life
Love hard
And never be afraid
You made grief my chief emotion
Why'd you have to do what you thought you had to do.............
"Was it ever really real"
Some days I miss my rock, no matter what was going on she helped. The crazy thing is I find her in so much music around me
A piece of me died the day I lost her and shes been on my mind a lot lately as I go through a lot of life crap. When I second guess theres always a sign I get from her that I'm gonna be ok. Right now I keep hearing this and smile because it takes me home
This was many years ago. I'm just expressing how we can survive loosing even someone we loved unconditionally.
???
Cooking...
Drinking.....
Music....
Dancing like no ones around...
Yep good night...
Finding happiness alone can help when this ones center was so lost today..