Just me

Insecurities have a funny way of slapping you in the face. Yesterday and today have been a bit of touch and go. Let me explain, yesterday my normal routine was messed up and i was on my way to work, traffic here in so cal is horrid at 730 am and i get super stressed from it. I reached for my choker to play with it as i seem to find it calming, it wasn't there. I had run out the door and made it half way into heavy traffic and i realized it wasn't on me. I had a heart dropping moment. I of course told Sin right away and he was very understanding due to the chaos of the morning. Anyway day goes on and its just more crap ontop of crap. I kept feeling for my choker. I realized at some point i felt like i was becoming my old self, the insecurities and quietness were creeping back in. Then Sin had a not so great evening and even our normal routine wasnt normal. It was very short. I went to sleep feeling like i had messed up in everyway. He didnt make me feel that way i made myself. So now to this early morning, my alarm no matter what is set for 345 so i can tell Sin good morning, today my alarm didnt go off. My eyes popped open at 315 and i wasnt going to message him first because i didnt want to wake him. So i went to shower and left my phone in my room. I came back and still nothing, now of course i start with the insecurities. I finally ask if hes awake and i get im awake. Not anything like his normal. I became very shut off at this point. I didnt want to look forward to anything we usually do in the morning, i was falling into the dark place i use to hide then the phone rang. I saw his name and i was cautious i was peeking around the corner, he took it slow i think sensing my hesitation once he got me to laugh he pulled me right back into our world and things felt right.
The reason i gave the whole story is because no one ever told me how easy it is to slip back into an insecurity you have had. The things that happened were minor but my mind took them and ran. I could hear everything i had been told by my ex and how i wasnt worth it...blah blah blah. As I write this all i can think is if one new person learns anything from me its that it is very easy to fall into old habits or ways of thinking even if things that triggered it were tiny grains of sand. If you are lucky and have someone who knows you they will pull you out of your own head. Every action has a reaction and one drop can cause a tidal wave. Talk to people dont close up trust yourself and when you cant, trust your friends. Today Sin saved me from myself and in turn i made his day better.