Who I am or Who am I?

Hello. I am trying to understand this dynamic but I am lost. I have been back and forth in this lifestyle. When I came back, I thought I was ready and wanted it. I listened to advice, good advice, that helped me...but I'm still doing wrong. 

I am a sub/little. If a little has communication issues, should they even be part of this lifestyle? How should they tell their Dom that they have communication problems? What if the sub has told the Dom that they have problems with communication, but voiced concerns are still dismissed? I was told that the Dom should think for their sub, but where is the middle ground? At what point should he or she think for themselves without being disrespectful to their Dom? I really am just trying to understand this. 

Doms? Subs? Have you ever dealt with this situation? What advice can you offer? 

I'm just Me 😘

It's amazes me how so many people are the same but fail to realize that. 

I'm finding out that so many people are afraid of being alone and would rather be miserable with someone rather than explore the possibilities of being alone and happy. They don't see the possibilities only their fear. 

I have gotten to the point in life that I would much rather be happy alone than miserable together with someone that doesn't want me. 

Accept people for who they are.

Love them as they are.

Accept & acknowledge their ugly truths.

Admire their beautiful indentations left on should they touch

Let them go if they truly want to leave.

But remind them...no backsies 

You don't look back, don't accept back 

Only then can a person truly be happy 

Again, I'm just me 

Without one plea 

Not giving a damn

about what one thinks about me 

🌹~In Search of Truth~ 🌹

                    💋

She knows. She knows herself,

her strengths, her independence.

                She knows her.

........ Yet she falls prey to him.

....... To the smile that graces his lips, plays on his eyes, and runs wild while she fantasize.

.....what was it that had her hooked?

That when he laced his fingers with hers

That when he pressed his body against hers

That when he threateningly spoke in her ear, & he smiled oh so innocently while grabbing her pussy releasing a primal void she never knew she had coming.

What was it?

That hooked her on his every word, every command, every touch.....

That let her know he owned even her senses by just a simple breath 

What was it that had her hooked?

That when he kissed her it lasted forever 

That when he sucked her she tingled 

That when he bit her, he knew she had to have more 

And then He laid claim to her soul 

What was it that had her hooked that when she tried to leave, he only grabbed her, and she, for him, pressed herself against the wall, legs apart, ready to take that glorious cock 

That when he grabbed the back of her head toward him, and he had plunged deep inside her, it was then she groaned drunk off of pleasure.

.........every plunge drove her wild.

That when he stopped, she whimpered only to be surprised by two wet fingers plunging in and out her ass. Suddenly, two became three and three became four.

I want it, he whispered 

Nervousness came to forefront. And she tensed. 

Please he whispered gently in her ear. That was enough for her to back them off the wall, grab her ankles & tell him to take it.

He wasted no time plunging into her tight ass. He bent over her and grabbed her hair and fucked her ass wildly. He laces his arm around her throat and fuck her while harshly taking her breath away, plunging in and out, in and out.   

Her eyes roll to the back of her head as they both come in perfect sync and he pulls out of her roughly making her whimper. But suddenly she grabs his leg and began humping it like the little bitch that she is to him.

Who is your Master? He asks roughly

She hesitates only to have her nipples feel his wrath and she cries out dramatically, "You! You are! Master You are!"

That was enough to give him a self satisfied smile.

Now he owns her. 

 Now he can claim her.

   Now he has her hooked.

She he wanted him. And he and only he could have her submission.

Unfortunately, that's when she awoke mid business meeting, pussy fully soaked & her needing more.

Hope you enjoyed

As I am just me

without one plea

not giving a damn 

What anyone thinks about me

 ~In Search of truth~ 💋

This journey has been the craziest one I have ever had. Came to bdsm for fun but ended finding parts of me I didn't know existed and developing parts that I love and will cherish forever.

I'm learning that everyone won't be able to accept your change. Unfortunately, I changed in my personal life as well as in this life. I became stronger & more vocal. I stopped letting people walk over me. Learned who I am, to say no, and my inner worth. I learned I don't deserve half of the mistreatment I'm receiving...this hasn't set well with those who can't have their way. I'm starting not to care anymore. 

Think I'm going to leave these bdsm relationships alone. Kinda suck at that. Just need to explore on my own. 

I'm too much to be a sub/slave/little. I'm too soft to be a dominant. 

So I'm just going to be me. 

I'm just me 

Without one plea 

And that all be 

Just me and only me

What I have come to learn is that I will never understand this lifestyle.

I don't get any of this and there's no one to fucking talk to. I'm sick of assholes though. 

What I do know and understand is that we are ppl here. Dom and sub alike should be respected. If a person can't respect you, then they don't deserve to be in your area, occupying your time.

I can't live without a certain amount of respect whether I'm a sub or not. It seems like Doms have zero respect for submissives. I don't think I'm a sub then. I'm very sure that this can't be all doms. I never believed in the absolute of anything. 

Respect should be mutual...not one sided. I mean if I'm ok with you disrespecting me, then at least I was respected enough to give you permission to do as you please. Whip me, spank, or whatever is ok.  However, emotionally damaging a person, or opening them up to be harmed, or getting angry because they won't let you just because you are a Dom is never ok. Treat a sub at least as if they are human. 

What's even more interesting is that the more I researched into this, as well as what I'm experiencing from Doms, is that a Dom not having even the slightest respect for the basic necessity of the sub is a considered to be acceptable among some. A Dom can violate boundaries but a submissive can't? A dom can harm a submissive but a submissive isn't considered a "good girl" if she is hurtful. 

Recently, I recovered from covid. So, am I supposed to make sure I stay a "good girl" when I can barely breathe? I'm actually still recovering painfully so. So how am I supposed to try to "keep up" the "good girl" status quo when I'm handling shit bigger than me? This is where basic human dignity and respect comes in that I'm finding out more and more Doms lack. 

Idk... These are just my random thoughts on this journey. 

I'm just me 

Without one plea 

And I no longer give a fuck

whether or not you like me 

~In Search of Truth~

When I started this lifestyle, I literally knew nothing. I was a ticking time bomb looking for fun. 

I've been chewed out by some and lauded by others. Guided by a few and misguided a lot. I have no friends here. I'm so closed off and defensive that it's hard me to connect with others and for others to connect with me. It hard to open up. I stay well guarded.

There were so many mistakes...

But I regret nothing. My role in this lifestyle is still foggy at best and muddy at worse. I came back for simply fun and ended up finding a part of me that I lost...my strength. A Dom didn't show me. I showed myself. 

Considered "just a sub", "bitch", or "whore", I found I was so much more. I found that submissiveness is nowhere near easy, especially for strong independent women. But I also found submission is a gift that not every Dom deserves. It is a gift that can easily be abused if you don't pay attention and guard it well. 

But it's my gift to guard. It's my gift to hold because my submission is intertwined with my heart. Therefore, it should only be given to a worthy soul.

I'm just me 

Without one plea 

Not giving a damn

what anyone else thinks of me 

~In Search of Truth~ 🥀

I choose me....

Which is more painful:

Ghosting?

Or 

Watching you leave slowly? 

Is there a difference?

I'm letting you go

You don't have to stay 

I'm not the others...I won't beg you to either.

At the very least, I'm too strong for that 

Will it hurt? Yes...

Will I cry? Maybe...

Will I survive? OF COURSE....

You owned all and none of me at the same time 

You commanded my presence without ever being near 

You are forever a part of me, my essence 

But don't think I won't let you go, 

..............Won't let you walk 

..............Won't pack your bags and

drop them on the outside of MY door 

My worth is more than the nothing you give me 

My submission was a gift 

And you throttled it 

I love you but I'm not in love with you 

I can love you from afar

and watch that love dwindle into a ravine 

Walking away completely clean 

But today....

........................ I choose me, all of me 💝

~~In search of Truth (& today, peace) 

SBL

😘 My pussy stronger than your dick 😘

Just read this interesting post on ghosting. I never really thought about the pain that went along with ghosting but I have never really ghosted either. 

However, I am quick to tell a Dom that I have no problem leaving. Until the guy I deal with now came along, I never put my heart out there to feel ghosting.  Feelings always led to me being clingy. I hate clinginess.

I actually leave when I feel clingy. I tell him straight... I feel clingy.. I'm done. 

I fail to understand why subs or Doms for that matter would open themselves up. 

Talk, have fun, laugh much... But no one should ever be allowed to touch your heart. We control no one, only ourselves. So there will always be the possibility of ghosting but we can control how much they can truly hurt us. 

The one thing I learned in this lifestyle is : the one who is allowed to touch my heart must be worthy. He has to bed thoroughly tested. Guess what? I should go through the same for him. Our worth must match. 

But always remember: my pussy is stronger than your dick. So if you ghosting me, I'm good. I know how to fuck myself to oblivion. Fuck myself so good that I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke. The other person should always be an accessory not a necessity. You are wanted not needed. 

I've spent the last hour reading various blogs in hopes of getting to sleep. About 10 minutes ago, I began drifting off. I realized something though. In order to get what you need, you have to stop fighting sometimes. Just let things go and the natural order of things will take you to what's necessary for you to have. 

**Here's to letting it all go**

~~In search of Truth (sleep) 😴🛌~~

Night night my lil fuck bunnies

Yep! It's official! I fucking hate Christmas and I should never be around family at Christmas. My sister died trying to save someone else and now they want to act like a victim. I'm officially cutting everyone off because I'm going to go to jail and I don't look cute in those type of stripes.

I could use a good strong dick and drink! 

I usually searching for truth...

Now, searching for good dick!