I had an interesting conversation with my surviving son. Having a couple of drinks, gh and good convo. One topic I really couldn't speak on like I wanted to was L, my ex.
My son tells me that L still loves me and that he shouldn't be on the couch (uh fuck yeah the couch is fine). He explained to me about his hurt, a hurt that I already knew about that he carried for years never healing and refusing to heal from it. His idea of healing was to cut everyone off and leave (his choice) But for me, I believe karma had a hand in him being hurt the way he was. My ex was a rolling stone/womanizer/fucked everything that he could. even cheated on his wife that gave him 3 beautiful children. So now the most recent ex P had passed away and told him the news the hours after I found out ( it was after midnight and he was sleep) The reaction that I received when I told him was fucking unreal, he really didnt care, he brought up what happened and how that marriage ended. What i didnt have the heart to tell him that was karma hitting him in the face. What was done to him is what he has done to other women in his life. Well, then I continued on to tell him that his stepson and his daughter were looking for him (his daughter has been searching for a yr). His stepson needed forms signed since L's name was still on P's accounts. He really couldn't believe that his name were still on the accounts. Well, trying to explain/give a reason why that is, he didnt want to hear it. He ran into P a few years ago, she wanted to tell him something but he didnt want to hear it or look at her. He just gave her a look and then she turned away(according to him). Now he feels everyone is out to get him smh or they just want to see if he was still alive because both owners are now deceased. Which means everything in his name including the house is his. (please pack your bags) I know that was a bad thought but, I need a break from him for a little bit lol
A few hours later I told him that his first ex wife passed last year, he stopped dead in his tracks and kept it moving. I only saw him cry one time during the 19 yrs Ive known him. If I knew then what i know now, I would have told him to stay with his gf through her struggles until her passing. He's not the one to stay around when things to get too tough for him to handle and she really needed him to be there for her. Years later he found out why she was doing the things she was doing I guess he felt he should have stayed, but his running away instinct kicked in.
Ok, now back to my son telling me that i should give him another chance. I gave him numerous chances, too many to count. I'm all for giving someone a second,third, fourth chance, but when does it end? It became more draining after awhile and nothing/no one was changing but me. Once he told me that he will help take care of Z as long as I slept with him. Really?????!!!! she's your daughter and fucking dare you use her to get pussy. So yeah, no more chances for him. L has told my kids so much shit about me to the point I'm the bad guy. I was the one that fucked up the relationship even though he told them about the women he was fucking behind my back. go figure.
My take away from this conversation is that I'm always going to be the bad guy, who fucked up the relationship, that no matter how kind I am to him, I will always get fucked in the end. I need to stop being so trusting, and believing there is good in people. I need to take off my rose colored glasses and see a person's truth