The cradle of wisdom

In this blog I'd like to talk about something I see people mentioning sometimes. It's usually words like "good dom", "fake dom" or "bad dom".
In my case, I am naturally curious as to what these people actually mean when they say these things. Also just to clarify, they're also thrown around about subs, so just switch "dom" out with "sub" and you'll get the idea. In any case, the only way that I have ever been able to get some sense of understanding about anything, is by taking it case by case, so that's what I'm going to do.

First of all, if we define something "fake" as "not genuine", then we can try to apply it to a dom. Doms can come in all shapes and sizes, with all manners of different beliefs, kinks or opinions. I therefore won't be going into detail about what the general dom is like, since that is purely subjective and thus I can't know it if I don't experience it. But if we define a dominant as someone who "likes to dominate", the only reason that this dominant would be a fake, is if he doesn't really like to dominate at all. This might be the case when you try to make, let's say a boyfriend, dominate you sexually if he has no interest in doing so. He might act out the role, and do the things you like, but he will be imitating what he thinks it's like to be a dominant.

Secondly, if we try to define good or bad, we'll be going down a rabbit hole of different takes on what it means to be good or bad. For example, Socrates once argued that the skillful thief, who fully understands what he's doing and does it well, is a better person than an accidental thief, who doesn't understand what he's doing or did it on accident. Why did Socrates come to this conclusion? He argued that, by being good at something, you have to put in effort and be diligent, both traits he considered "good". Even though the "good" thief was clearly on the wrong path, he was a better person than the thief who didn't know what to do. An interesting thought process, and something that I quite liked.

It would be just as easy to argue, that the better thief would also be the worse of a person, than the accidental thief, because he had practiced and gotten good at a malicious craft. So to me, it's very hard to define what a good or bad dom is, except through what you personally consider good or bad. But if it's only what you consider good or bad, and not really about the person, then it's more of a "bad match" case and not really anything to do with the dom.

For example, if a bratty, little girl submissive got together with a very strict master dominant, they would probably not be a good fit. Both of them would feel unfulfilled and could very well be blaming the other person. What is really happening is that your expectations, and your onions, are getting in the way. You also see this whenever you meet someone new as a dom. The training they have received could be vastly different from the training you consider to be vital. You might even think that they have been taught something that is wrong. But the truth of the matter is, that this is simply just how the dominant is, what he cherished and what he liked. You can't call that a bad or good dom. It's just a dom. But to you, it's easy to classify based on what you think. And make no mistake, it's perfectly fine to hold an opinion and decide whether they're good or bad based on what you think or feel, but they are neither good nor bad to anyone else, unless others share your point of view.

So to top it all off, you can't call someone a "fake" unless they're actually imitating enjoying dominating, and you can't truly go around calling someone a good or bad dom, since it's purely subjective and your "take" on what is right or wrong. Though it would obviously be possible for a community as a whole to develop a general consensus of what is right or wrong, and THEN you could say that "this dom is a bad/good dom" based on what the community values. Again, all of this could be applied to submissives as well.

You might also stumble upon the term "natural dom/sub". This is typically referring to a person who doesn't really know they're a dom/sub, but is so naturally talented at it, and enjoying it, that they have great potential if they were to be more knowledgeable about bdsm in general.

In any case, these were just a few thoughts I had. Hope you enjoyed, and if you want to discuss it further feel free!