Week 3
This week is about pouring back into myself and the goggles of realization fall in place. I will rediscover my interest do things intentionally for myself. This is the week that I would use to reflect on things about my dynamic the good and bad as i am now out of the emotional hazzy faze and will see things for what they were.
Day 16 – Wednesday 5 February 2025
Crooked Smile by J,cole
It is crazy how a change in the music genre you are listening too can change/alter/contribute to the mood you are in. This morning on my way to work i decided i am only playing what i call my "Happy" songs, these range from my 2000 pop songs to the ones that make you wanna give your booty a little shake lol. And as expected it worked. I am making the conscious decision of no more sad Nirvana. I will not allow myself to be sad no more and think i am not enough and the whole sad story business. I am ready to move from the sadness of it all. I will still have my moments here and there but i will not let it consume me.
That is not what "He" would want me to do. And above that being something he wouldn't want I don't want that for myself. So I am going to start this week off on a positive note. I am grateful. I am grateful for him...however little our time was. I am grateful.
Day 17 – Thursday 6 February 2025
Worst behaviour by Drake
Staying true to this weeks guide of pouring back into myself, i got up an hour early for the first time in the last 2 weeks and i did my stretches and went for a 30 minute run. And i forgot how calming it is to run, heart beating, deep breathes, steady pace, chilly air, blasting music you and the silence. Its truly beautiful. My soul feel rejuvenated, i felt cleansed. 30 minutes straight after not running for 2 weeks was a bit much but i needed it..and it paid off.
While running, i was thinking how intimacy tells you more about the relationship than intensity. I know right? What does that even mean? Sometimes we make the assumption that extreme emotions, overpowering feeling, butterflies are a reflection of having a strong connection with someone but most of the time that is not the case these feelings are rooted in infatuation, lust or even traumatic events. If you are not a very self-aware person when you meet someone you may think that oh no we don't click there's no chemistry or whatever the case may be. But honestly to really gauge how good and viable the relationship is, its about the level of intimacy you and this person have - not the physical kind. I mean the emotional intimacy. the willingness to be vulnerable and bare yourselves to each other, feeling safe, comfortabele and connection that goes way beyond just physical attraction. Intimacy will always tell you more than intensity. How willing are you willing to get "naked" with them?
Day 18 – Friday 7 February 2025
Slow down by Skip Marley ft H.E.R
There is this sound on tik tok of a girl saying in regards to moving on from a break up and it was something along the lines of " He had his is fingers in my brain, that is how hard it was to get over him" something like that. And that is how i was feeling. His views and insight on life and things in general were just so refreshing. He was under my skin to say the least. He opened my eyes to the unlimited possibilities of what life can be and how i can make those endless possibilities a possibility for myself.
I am enough by myself. I am resilient, funny, smart, caring, empathetic, beautiful there are all these endless things that i am. And no matter what happens i am still all that. So to my sub friends...hold your chin up sweetie. There is Dom out there waiting for a sub just like you and even if there isn't one at the moment or whatever that does not change even a quarter of who you are. No one can change that...only you have the power to do that.
Day 19 – Saturday 8 February 2025
Fancy by Drake
This week went by way to fast. My registration was finally finalised this week and i have access to my school. I have never been this motivated to have a semester start. I took myself stationary shopping and bought some new colour pencils and gliterly gel pens that i have been seeing and i got myself a colouring book to use for rewards and stuff.
I am at such a better place. It is shocking actually. As much as hate to admit it we did not go well together. Which once i was being honest with myself i knew it was something i had known even before we started our dynamic, but i was hopeful that it was stuff that would blow over or change as time progressed. I always knew we wouldn't get far, because we are just 2 very different people. And i will always want to be with him, but i am fine because when i am honest with myself the dynamic was not it for me. However i am grateful for the time, i will always care about him.
Day 20 – Sunday 9 February 2025
Chiquitita by ABBA
Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leavin'
You'll be dancin' once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grievin'
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shinin' above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Every word of these lyrics is how i am feeling..I am dancing again and singing a brand new song.
Day 21 – Monday 10 February 2025
What it is by Amber Mark
I really do hope that my blogs will be informative, insightful and helpful to subs going through breakups. I want to stay true to being a free woman being able to help as many subs as i can. There was a movie that said " If i helped you dont say thank you, instead, help three other people and in return those three people help 3 more people" and that is what i want to do.
Unfortunately, i have not seen a lot of safe space for subs. Everywhere is open to be talking about kink and the fun stuff but as soon as it is about the more serious "ugly" side people are not as welcoming. They are harsh, cold, don't acknowledge the subs pains and this is the case alot for the younger/fresher subs. Our complaints fall on deaf ears sometimes or are met with judgement and harsh criticism. This may not be the case all the time but it happens way too much. So i just want to help, i want a sub to come across my blogs and find something even if it is just one day that resonated with them. I just want a sub to know that its okay to go through these emotions and it is contrary to popular believe not the end of the world and you will get through this.
Day 22 – Tuesday 11 February 2025
Alright by Sam fisher ft Meghan Trainer
Week three done and dusted. i am on a roll. I journaled for the first time in like months and it was so nostalgic. I was going through some school boxes when i found a box with all the books i had hand made when i just started journaling.
Its is very important to do things for yourself even when in a dynamic. That helps you keep a piece of yourself. Go out when you can, keep yourself busy. Grief is something that you can overcome, you just need to give yourself time.
Overall week 3 was a success and mor ethan i was hoping for it to be. I am excited for week 4
