[ TW: Death]
Since this morning i have been going through my day as if on autopilot just in utter shock.
Today on my way to work i received a message from a family friend that stayed in the same complex as me that my neighbor died...but she did not just die. She was killed...she was shot in the head...9 times on tuesday evening....TODAY IS THURSDAY...... She was on her way to collect her an outfit she got made for her for her end of year party at work and on her way she was attacked by the savages that did such a terrible thing to her. the worst part is we will never know how it all played out..unless obviously the perpetrators are caught and they confess.
She wasn't just a neighbor she was a dear friend, she watched me grow up. She saw me from the young girl that was still in primary school in her school uniform to the woman that i am today. We spent alot of time together i would often go to her place to cook and hang out. and despite the huge age gap we connected.
the kicker of it all is that i was supposed to be with her that evening. She asked me to go with her to go fetch her outfit and i agreed but last minute there was a complex and i couldnt miss it as i am part off "leaders" in the complex. The meeting was only supposed to take 10 minutes but its was 18h30 and the meeting had not yet even started..so i told her to leave and that she must video call me when she reaches the place. She wasnt too happy about it but left regardless. And we had this thing that whenever the other one could not go with the one would say "you will look back at this day and wish you came with me"...so like clockwork she said that and i responded "ME! NEVER!" and i blew her a kiss as she drove off. and that was the last time i saw her. how i wish i said i love you.
i was so caught up in the things i had to do after the meeting as well as pacifying my boss for taking the day off that she gave me. That i never noticed she never video called me, and i went to bed not knowing that she was already dead. Wednesday came and i said i would call her and scold her for not calling me but i was so caught up in work and the whole uniform thing with my boss that again it slipped my mind. When i came home and didnt see her car parked there i just though she was doing some last minute shopping for the year end party on friday.
i know there is nothing i can do to change it but my mind can't stop playing tricks on me. i keep thinking and blaming myself for being part of the leaders because had i not been she would not have run late by those 30 minutes. That those 30 minutes would have made the difference between life and death. And it kills me. the mind can be such a crazy and wicked thing. Her picture was posted on the complex group with a message informing people of her death.
and though out the day as people would reply to the message i would see her picture- it was a picture i had taken of her on sunday for a dinner she was going to. And everytime i couldnt help but think how scared she must have been, when the first bullet went through, how she must have begged and mentioned that she is a single mother of 4, the fear she must have felt as she realised what was happening and how it would end. oh my dear friend my heart is shattered. it is hard to breath, i have no strength to speak to eat. i am just floored. i am in utter disbelief.
9 BULLETS TO THE HEAD!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. How can someone do that 9 bullets all to the head...my brain can not process it. i am hoping its a terrible dream that i will hear her in her car driving past my house, with all her windows and playing her favorite song Loyalty by Kendrik Lamar full blast.
i am utter distraught...but i am trying to comfort myself with the thought that she is in a better place...