The old ways

Purĕ -
just experienced it myself a couple days ago. His loss. ...and a nice prove that he wasn't really a Dom.

SirWH​(dom male) - Yes it is not good seeing it happen at all

Voldemort​(dom male) - It's a common occurrence brother.

NarahPrimal​(sub female) - I think some people lack courage to speak the words I'm not interested or maybe they simply don't care. kindness is easy it's a shame others don't see it that way

dollMaker​(dom male) - No explanation that you can think about, but there is a valid one for the person who blocks. I disagree with you, they don't owe you an explanation, sure it might be nice to know why, that info maybe allowing one to address an unrealised personal flaw, of which there can be many one isn't aware of, or an approach that has gone off etc.

However these impartations of personal, character challenging information are rarely met with, ah let me think about that, learn from that info, but more likely anger, fragile egos that can't deal with rejection, on that basis just blocking is cleaner and easier for the blocker. Many people in online bdsm spaces, particularly subs have been on the receiving end of toxic dom energy, and horrible, vile horny net person crap, so I am not overly surprised that many subs having been on the receiving end of this before, block quickly, nor am I surprised no explanation has been given.

I think blocking is a kind of safe word, and ultimately those are not open to challenging, something sacred in bdsm. I get why knowing why could be developmentally useful, but ultimately I think accepting and moving on is more healthy. I have been blocked on here and those choices are valid for the persons who did so, and I accept them, without knowing why.

Heero​(dom male) - I both strongly agree with you, @dollMaker, and strongly disagree. But these are with your ideas, and not you. 

The part I agree with you is how you handle it. "Accept and move on." I think this is right. I would also add what @SassyinCali said, that you should think of it as "dodging a bullet", even though it may suck and be confusing in the moment. 

BUT, there is a big difference between being accepting of something and saying it is "ok", whoever did X had a valid reason for them. I think such a sentiment is very flawed, and it is not about not being accepting or respecting the sovereignty of another human being, it is about not being an enabler to immature/poor behavior. 

You can walk out into a world where you say, "good morning, how are you?" to people you pass by, and someone responds with "F*ck you and your family!" And technically, this person would be free to do so, and they don't "owe" you a good morning. They may have a "valid" reason for saying "F*ck you" that you don't understand. And I would agree, the best course of action would be to just ignore that person and accept there are strange people out there. But it is a very slippery slope to say that is "ok". It is a very different thing to defend such actions, where good faith is met with baffling hostility. "It's ok, they have the right to be hostile to you, they don't owe you anything." This is not ok in a society. There are reasons why you have laws that prevent certain actions. I am sure the guy who stole my car had a valid reason in his mind for stealing my car. That does not make it ok. We made a law against stealing for a reason. Because me having nothing to do with your situation, and you responding by stealing my car (with some valid reason I don't know about), is not ok. You can pay someone to paint your house, and they may have good reasons for taking your money and not painting anything (kids to feed, bills to pay), but that doesn't make someone stealing your money for a job you paid them for ok. These are extreme examples, but it illustrates what your stance is pointing towards. It is not just a free speech issue or an each person is sovereign and has rights issue. People are interacting with each other and their decisions affect each other. You can't just say things are ok.  

And yes, some people can abuse this. People can say horrible things in the name of free speech, for example, and technically they have the right, but it doesn't mean we have to encourage their message. 

I would also add that blocking is very much NOT equivalent to using a safe word. It can be. If say someone was stalking you and sending very inappropriate messages despite being told to stop. But this equivalence is not a given. As @SirsBabyDoll said, some people use it as a sorting system. A kind of swipe right/swipe left mechanism. While I think this is odd, I wouldn't have a huge problem with someone doing this without speaking to me. Such actions do not break good faith. 

It is a very different thing to have initiated a conversation and then ghost someone. A person who does this intentionally is disrespectful and it is NOT ok. People can have "valid" reasons for doing anything. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" is a saying for a reason. Something being justified is more than someone thinking to themself it is justified. We live in a society. And this is a community. The point of being here is to be around like minded people and connect. Doing things that are disrespectful against this purpose is not ok. And one problem I think is someone who goes around doing this will read a post and go, "oh, yeah, I totally agree. It was totally ok for me to ghost/block this person that I otherwise showed no signs of disinterest to, I don't owe them anything."

That isn't the point. Approaching things in good faith is a very important thing if you want a community to work properly for the maximum benefit. It is NOT ok for people to just do something simply because "they don't owe anyone anything" or they "have a valid reason internally". 

I promise you you would not want to live in a world where that was how things worked. And I don't think it is ok to say to someone "it is ok that you did this disrespectful thing."

It is ok to not like someone, and it is ok to do so for no and any reason. "I don't like people with unibrows, so I want to block you." "I don't like people who end sentences with a period. So I'm going to block you." Each person has this freedom. 

But a lot of people come here to make meaningful connections, and play the game in good faith, and they do not deserve to be treated in such a way. It is not ok. 

It is also not ok to say "well, they blocked you because they don't want an uncomfortable confrontation." Just as you don't know their situation, they don't know yours or how you'd react. Sure, they can guess. But again, a very non-descript message with some semblance of a reason for blocking you, then immediately blocking you without waiting for a response would both avoid confrontation and at the same time, show respect for the time you've given this person. 

NOW, having said all that. I do not think it would make sense to ban blocking and have a mechanism that makes this more cumbersome to do. But that is because it borders on "the cure would be worse than the disease", to reluctantly quote Trump. Also, some people use blocking for sorting, as mentioned above, and can do so without reasonably hurting anyone. Someone blocking me without me investing any time in them is easy to get over--I haven't invested anything in them. 

Also, being an online community, you don't REALLY know who blocked you and why. It may not even be the person. You don't really know the woman you were speaking to blocked you. It could be her husband who found here cheating and demand she block everyone or delete her accounts or whatever. 
So, I don't think blocking should be enforced. 

In many ways I am like you. I am temporarily baffled and bothered by these things. But ultimately, it rolls off my back and I accept it and move on in short order. But that does not make it ok. And not everyone has our temperament to shoulder such things without great distress. And it is something that is a reasonable ask. 

You have to be an adult to sign up on this site. It is not a big ask to suggest decency and good faith in your interactions with people on a forum... to ask people to be respectful of others' time. It is well within my rights to be a racist bigot if I wanted to, say, it is a very different thing to say me exercising my bigotry on someone is "OK, and they should just accept it and move on, because I don't owe them my understanding." 

If someone is deliberately an asshole to you, or is contacting you in an abusive way--either according to the rules of the site or what is reasonable, then YES. Block them. You don't need a reason. But there are many times where that is NOT the case.

Unjust blocking happens. Blocking for no reason after taking up someone's time if they were respectful to you should not be banned...but it should also NOT be encouraged/supported. 

Heero​(dom male) - I welcome anyone to block me citing the above post as the reason. I will also accept blocking me for the above post but not giving me a reason.

Play nice and take care all.

I'mME - Dollmaker,
Im in agreement with you on ppl not having to pony up an explanation why why thy blocked someone..With that said it is nothing like a safe word, the two parties are not in a dynamic, so no its not a safety gesture.

dollMaker​(dom male) - I think exiting something, whatever it might be is a kind of safe word to the situation, and most of us, even on a daily basis chose not to put ourselves in situations so we exit, and blocking is a form of exiting. I think everyone in this exchange has got caught up on my use of 'safeword,' and its traditional bdsm etymology, when I don't, and didn't intend it to be thought that way in the context of this thread, and my comments on it. I said 'sort of' implying, though maybe not strongly enough, that I was taking the word outside of a traditional bdsm use, to fit a thought I had about blocking.

I disagree I'mMe, interactions with people, may not carry a physical risk, but emotional, mental health etc can be impacted, triggered and blocking if used in that context can be seen as a safety measure. Of course everyones mileage will vary on this.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)​{🍕+☕} - I disagree, in part, with you dM. If people are in a conversation, have been going back and forth, and say goodnight amicablely, only to discover that the next morning there is a block with no explanation, it's childish.

The key is the explanation. I'm NOT saying the person doesn't have the right to block, I'm saying that IF there had been no indication of anything going suddenly left, an explanation should be sent, and then the person blocked.

Here, blocks are used like a filing system and that's normal, but to be in a conversation one moment and *poof*, suddenly blocked....it's purposely hurtful and that shows that person's character.

dollMaker​(dom male) - Its happened to me, a sweet 'goodnight Daddy,' next day, gone, no explanation, nothing. I accepted it, they decided to not pursue what we had started. They had a reason for it, I was sad, but such is kink life, particularly online. I have no ill feelings, I hope they found what they needed, I wasn't it, that is ok. I don't think that was childish of them, it was what they needed to do, and sometimes people need to call a halt, to safe word out, and I don't feel an explanation is/was required. I look at it same way as someone safe wording. I think if one is in a dynamic, long established then yes that then would be very rude to suddenly do that.

The problem with saying an explanation should be sent, when its not a long term, or more involved thing, is the reaction, and males, mostly react very badly - regardless of role. I have seen loads of reactions to someone saying sorry, no, or saying that something isn't for them. The vile, horrible, nasty, immature crap often sent back, from someone who might have appeared nice before is shocking. I have had a little of that, so called doms landing in my inbox demanding I share my knowledge and what I do. I have said no, and wow the reactions are very telling, I can but imagine how these types would react to a sub saying no, pulling out. I have only had someone actually understand once why I said no, and they turned out to be a really nice, genuine person, so much so I regretted saying no. Anyway my point is I can understand why someone might opt to cut and run via blocking.

I have had to cut and run a few times on here, when my boundaries and limits were pissed on and ignored, and in one case I was stalked. I felt at the time that how I dealt with things was how I had to, so those that also decide this have good reasons, maybe wonder about walking in their shoes. Of course it is possible some of these people suddenly vanish or block, after some interaction, have been caught by an ignorant significant other and that is why they are no more.

Anyway everyone's mileage on this will vary.

Sasa​(dom female) - Good view. It might take a while to be there for the most of us cause everyone has feelings that count and rejection we don't understand hurts, but yes it is a good way to see it and to think about it.

blushingforyou​(sub female) - I would also find it rude if someone I was pleasantly chatting with blocked me for no reason.
I find it unnecessary just be an adult and tell you don’t feel it’s a match.

blushingforyou​(sub female) - Also, if someone told me they no longer wanted to chat with me. I would never contact them again.

sexycurves​(sub female) - Interesting post and comments. I'm good at looking at things from different perspectives and so I can see where you're all coming from.

In this case, it seems to have been unexpected, after a conversation. I would have preferred them to say something along the lines of 'thanks but no thanks'. If this happened to me, totally unexpected, I would be wondering where I'd gone wrong, simply because that's the conclusion I'd come up with. But hey, it's about them and they chose, for whatever reason, not to want to be a part of your life, so I would try not to sit in being hurt or sad or whatever for long. There's other people that do want to be part of your life and want to get to know you.

Personally I don't use the block button very often. I either don't respond and delete, or tell them point blank that I'm not interested and then delete. It depends on what they've said.

SassyInName​(sub female) - I can see all the sides. I don't think anything about blocking should be mandated. But, personally I will only block if I had already said no and they persist. Or if they make me very uncomfortable or insulted in their attempt to contact. As in, they are offensive. But if we have been chatting and I am no longer interested in chatting, I will normally just say I do not think we are compatible and wish them luck. If they get mean at that point, which has happened several times, then I will block.

I also had it happen to me (being randomly blocked), so it is not only subs that do it. I chatted with a Dom throughout one day and everything seemed pleasant and fine. We said goodnight and the next day I was blocked.

It was confusing, but I figured I dodged that bullet. If the person was not mature enough to say no thanks, not interested, or something along that lines then they would not have met my communication needs as even a friend.

Sasa​(dom female) - Male submissives get easily overwhelmed. If they are new it is permanently one foot to the door. The reason can be everything, shame, fear, insecurities, lies ... maybe the same for women. It is a strange feeling, isn't it? We all had that

I'mME - *This is going possibly upset some people so if you have trauma, been diagnosed with something, you may want to skip this.*

Blocking equals a virtual fucking button that people have weaponized.

I should not have to state the exceptions where a block 'button' is a needed tool, so therefore i won't.

What i have noticed is that we have become a society of people unable to deal with social activities for whatever reason or issue they have going on in their personal life, therefore everyone must pay the price for that.

There has been a dumbing down of society for at least 30 years that i have personally observed. They no longer push the 3 R's in schools or they put it on the back burner. Abstract is where its at. But this means that people are not learning to critically read/think. So now we are seeing the results of the last 30 years, probably more, but I'm going based on my own observations.
Simply put (do the math in your head to figure out the age ranges) people can not have a discussion bc they dont comprehend what others are writing. They will reword it , rephrase but not correctly, then wonder. Wtf your problem is and why you said something. Then comes the fun, all of a sudden you become the monster, the abuser, you fucking with their mental health, you are messing with them period. It can not be that you just simply corrected what they miswrote.
Many will not see past their own nose. This is because when you grow up in front of technology, you are not interacting w humans. Im sure many parents loved it. However, someone that grow up spending ungodly amounts of time in front of a computer screen misses out of certain skill sets. Empathy needs to be modelled in order for children to learn it, over and over. An adult csm not learn empathy, they may learn to mimic the appropriate words, but they do not mean them. If one spends enough time around somone like that, you recognize what I am writing about. They also do not know how to interact with a group of people, how to deal with someone who disagrees with them, how to hear the word no, etc. So you have no critical reading/thinking skills being taught at a early age, many of these people have no empathy, and many diagnosis of mental illnesses.
If anyone has been out on other type platforms you know exactly what i am referring to.

A discussion becomes these generations spewing ad hominems instead of conversation.

What does all this have to do with blocking? Well, these are the reasons that culminate into why a lot of people block.

That's their prerogative, but i find it fucking frustrating as hell for several reasons, chief one, its a lack of communication skills. (Please keep in mind what i stated earlier about the exceptions for blocking)
Where i come from, if someone does not understand what another said or writes, usually they ask for that person to explain or they reread the words, which believe it or not, can help immensely.
I can not control other people, all i can do is try to answer a questions or try to put something another way. Im not the best writer, i dont give a damn about typos we arent in English lit class, we are on a social platform.

However these days its like traversing a field where mines are buried. I try to take everything possible into account when deciding i read what someone else writes. Is English their first language, what age range am i looking at, its called having critical thinking skills. When nothing else is left out of all the things it could be, then i can reasonably conclude that this person is being an asshole. I then decide on a course of action. Im of the opinion, that if i direct someone to GTFO my page, then that's what they need to do.

I realize that it is not the way everyone thinks, and that is okay. But the incessant blocking bc someone got butt hurt is RIDICULOUS.

Its a sign -o- the times. I for one am going doen swinging, im not going to tiptoe through the tulips on a social media platform. Adults can disagree and it doesnt have to be personal. Its the ones that do not take the time to try and understand where another is coming from, make assumptions, lord over others, etc that just make it where i dont want to engage with them.


Sorry for the book like post, this subject is something that gave some thoughts to.