Rose's Thorns.

.... things are weird, so weird its hard to put into words. I doubt many know.... i had to find news from Australia to see what was happening in Wales xxxx 

Shopping lists sanctioned items .... family members thinking buying cards will kill them (genuinely) Another screaming at me because they can't understand how im alive whilst talking to me on the phone..... the irony was lost. 

Black plague... no border. Roman empire invasion.... no border. Covid... sure (its rural... litterly sheep and the odd person crosses to get to the shop for food).

Graffiti in the streets, university 'fences' for no "mixing' because students are super-spreaders, primary school 'enforcement officers' advertised before covid, army in the streets... you wont hear it anywhere tho. 

*family said all young people should be locked up because they are super spreaders and will kill everyone otherwise. *yet im alive..seriously wish they got irony. 

Its not just you finding things weird and your not alone in thinking it, dont be driven mad with fear, stay strong, stay united, stay free, liberty is important. Xxx 

Fear is not good for anyone, just be sensible and follow infection control. X

We stand together, we always have.... during this time you are not alone xxxx 

Whoever needs to hear this its here. Its not just you, we are in this together. Xxxx 

* i wanted to put this up for anyone else who is having issues with family and friends being scared senseless .... im happy to change any wording admin requests x (wasn't sure how to put it)

This isn't BDSM related but i don't think i can put it anywhere else. 

Today ive genuinely had to convince my family that im not going to die.... yes they are that convinced because im 'Vulnerable' and im not on about being sensible, this was just weird. 

Apparently i shouldn't be alive because i have chronic conditions and have already had it .... 

According to family members me and my Dr are lying because if i had it i would be dead. 

I know its awful but when someone genuinely can't work out how im still alive and starts calling me all sorts its a bit well weird.... 

Then apparently im awful for even saying im okay afterwards because so many have died and im being disrespectful (it was a conversation about how we are both doing as uncle and niece, just cos i go im okay doesn't mean i don't care). 

I can't even go into the lists of items you are and aren't allowed to buy because they aren't sanctioned to be safe..... my nan genuinely thought buying Christmas cards (Already in the shop to buy food) or the lad riding a bike outside would kill her. 

I just can't. 

There is being sensible and safe and then there is this ..... trying to reassure them im fine turns into a conversation of how i don't care and Christmas cards will kill them ..... a comedian is likely taking notes somewhere :)

I know its odd but hope its okay to share on here x

So after loosing some weight i decided to try and eat some stuff so chefs hat on

.... two hrs later burns on my hand with blisters .... 

I should have known 

This cheered me up recently especially watching Americans react to rugby for the first time. There are some good videos out there. Especially with tackles and trys. Rugby is awesome..... its like Canadians with hockey but Welsh with rugby. 

Watching someone react going 😲 at the TV is funny when you're so familiar with it. 

Being restless sucks. I know what the issue is, seriously doubt anyone else will get it.... 

It has impacts in ways others don't understand.

Making shit as difficult as you possibly can. 

Masochistic becomes the norm. 

Waiting months to see the dr intentionally cos it beeping hurts and its the only sensation you had in weeks.

Getting annoyed and irritated at the slightest thing. 

Being a pain in the ass to friends and family. 

Not agreeing on shit when i should again pissing others off. 

Its gotten to the point i aimlessly wonder around for walks when i can. 

..... seriously need to punch or box something. 

The alternative would be awesome but not a possibility in the slightest.

To my ex where ever you are.... i hate that you could a, read my body as well as you could and b, knew exactly what to do with it...

Seriously guys out there can you do some reading research and maybe talk to a friend who is very familiar with the area or just women in general.

I give up now ... thats it .... regardless of bdsm or vanilla.

No i don't like porn 

No i don't like being insulted 

No its painful im not having fun or enjoying it. 

But god forbid i tell you any of that. 

Bottom line i miss trusting someone that much, literally putting my life in someone else's hands. Having someone else to give there perspective on things and offer ideas that i could accept or reject. Someone i trust to bind me, hold me and help me escape. 

No it didn't go well at the end. If i was in a life death situation... who would i still contact? I hate that its still him. Sucks. 

Literally the only stable person i ever knew, even with the screams at night. X 

Can anyone suggest a good film to watch? 

Something funny would be good. No disaster films ... they are all inaccurate... no one had to que for milk and loo roll. Lol.

Thanks x 

... ive gone back to vanilla land... will wait and see but im too sub like. Thing is it gets lonely and he is a nice guy. So date number two and he puts his hands on my ribs and starts stroking them as we cuddle with his arm around me. I can just about keep calm with a hand on them through my clothes but i can't do anymore. I freak out and manage to untense every muscle and avoid a panic attack. 

I said im ticklish which i am. 

I really really really don't want to have to answer the question why? 

In bdsm land i can say its red and if someone asks i can say in two sentences that never needs to be spoken again. 

In vanilla land my experience of this isn't as smooth, its why? When? What? How? 

Then oh i forgot, but i can't even touch them now but what about... or you know that thing you said i have more questions.

Its exhausting...... wish me luck guys and gals 

The pit, black as ice opens, 

Not a sole in sight, darkness expands.

For there would be hell to pay.

Nonetheless a smile occurs. 

Never reaching her stone dead eyes. 

You dare .... go on, 

Medusa would devour your sole. 

Eyes shine empty yet whole. 

Meaningful moments are gone. 

Just the delight of a deathly smile. 

Hell once imagined,

returns for the walking dead. 

Thrash at the chains, 

All you want, go on 

your all mine. 

The death inside spreads,

A plague of uncaring, 

Manipulative, sadistic, 

Unkind, emptiness. 

Leaving your sole ravaged.

Enjoying the spectacle, 

Coal black eyes, 

Gleam with delight.

Yet, her posture 

Giving nothing away.

Consuming all you are, 

Until nothing of yourself

survives, Nothing can.

Its the price paid. 

Being whole is no more. 

For the smile upon soft lips lift,  

With stone dead eyes.

A horror of a sight, 

As eyes gleam un naturally. 

Posion to some, a delight to others.

For medusa is alive and well, 

Avoid her stares at all costs. 

She is not the forgiving kind. 

Already warned.

But you know. 

Xxxx

Hey guys, 

Im wanting to start eating meat again after being vegi for years. 

If you where to start eating meat again what would you start with? 

Already good with fish :) 

Can feel like a place of sanity atm. Thank you x