Rose's Thorns.

im becoming more and more tired as time goes on. I don't think tired covers it, flat might be a better word anyway... Im tired of having to keep putting myself back together. Things happen in life that can stick with you, even when delt with. Im tired of having my head put in a blender every few years or at least that's what it feels like. 

Im good at being strong but the truth is its exhausting. It would be nice to not have to, to have the option. 

Im also tired of keeping my walls up, they are getting heavy; but they are there for good reasons. 

Im tired of not being respected as a single woman. Of the messages requesting kik or images or unwanted images being sent to me. 

im considering going back to vanilla, even though i know my identity as sub. 

the one thing that's stopping me is its often worse. 

(after posting this, im likely to get messages 😞)

it would be nice if someone my own age took an interest in me. Someone who wasn't +20 years my age and was actually single 

im so fed up and board. Im trying to come up with a list of fun things to do over the next few weeks. Any suggestions?

im currently trying to relax and trying really hard to sit still.

there is a slapstick comedy bdsm show on Netflix called bonding  if anyone has watched it, is it any good or just likely to annoy me with stupidity? Thanks 

are the simple things. Holding a door open with a slight smile, pulling a chair out and feeling the connection as your coat is taken off. 

walking around the house with no underwear on as a surprise when acting out by moving something to the wrong place on purpose. 

going for coffee and smiling at the tie being worn. 

having someone say sit down when your pacing or make you a cup of tea. 

going out in a crowded place with your partners hand on your hip. 

going to get drinks getting hit on and going back to the table the two of you are on, keeping an eye on you but knows you can handle things yourself.... Also staring at your arse as you go to get the drink, how anyone knows this I don't know but somehow you do. 

not being able to make up your mind of what you want to eat and he makes a suggestion. 

things that seem simple and non bdsm but can be and mean so much more to the two of you. 

with Mr  louboutin. Shoes glorious shoes.... So many to chose from. 

no matter how many family meals you go for... You will still remember the best meal off that table wasn't food 😁 

fantasy - using my five d loop collar for fun with another willing and consenting human 

reality- considering using it as a neck brace .... my stupid back neck and shoulder hurts so bad

after seeing another post about the secretary, i decided to snuggle under a blanket might grab a pizza and give it a watch :)

can be hard enough some nights, the past few weeks well.... There have been some issues locally including hearing the screams from my flat. It's always been difficult for women.... I had seriously hoped we would be further along in 2019