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Rose's Thorns.

A general pondering.
4 years ago. September 21, 2020 at 10:41 PM

... ive gone back to vanilla land... will wait and see but im too sub like. Thing is it gets lonely and he is a nice guy. So date number two and he puts his hands on my ribs and starts stroking them as we cuddle with his arm around me. I can just about keep calm with a hand on them through my clothes but i can't do anymore. I freak out and manage to untense every muscle and avoid a panic attack. 

I said im ticklish which i am. 

 

I really really really don't want to have to answer the question why? 

In bdsm land i can say its red and if someone asks i can say in two sentences that never needs to be spoken again. 

In vanilla land my experience of this isn't as smooth, its why? When? What? How? 

Then oh i forgot, but i can't even touch them now but what about... or you know that thing you said i have more questions.

 

Its exhausting...... wish me luck guys and gals 

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} - Dom or vanilla, a good guy/the right guy is a good guy/the right guy. You don’t need to explain everything right away. You don’t need to answer questions right away. Come up with a sentence to let him know how you feel about it, then let him know it will take more time being together to be able to talk about it ... “Being touched there makes me feel uncomfortable, I’ve had bad experiences/been abused in the past. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it yet because we are new. I will when I’m ready” ... that’s all you need to say. A good guy/the right guy will understand, listen, and respect that. 💕
4 years ago
rosethorn​(sub female) - Thank you <3 i really needed that advice xx
4 years ago
rosethorn​(sub female) - Someone i never spoke to before just messaged me offering to 'help'... yeah cos im sooooo helpless... *eye roll
4 years ago
Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} - Lol I’m open about my history of abuse and PTSD from sexual assault on my profile and blog ... I get messages offering to “fix” me all the time 🙄
4 years ago
Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} - Some men, I mean boys, are ridiculous...
4 years ago
rosethorn​(sub female) - Its so laughable if it wasn't predatory. It's so patronising too 'oh i need fixing' as if im going to go 'wow stranger on the internet can solve all of lifes woes' ... eye roll. X
Im fortune mine didn't develop into PTSD, thats sucky, i do get mild flashes when triggered which happened today, its been years tho.
4 years ago
Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} - Thankfully mine isn’t so much touching, it’s limited to specific words and requests ... it was an “orders given” based assault when I was 13. It’s come up in a phone or video call, put on the spot, context. I haven’t had to deal with it in person yet ... not looking forward to it, but hoping the boundaries and work arounds I’m developing in online situations will help when that time comes.

P.S. I’ve had to follow my own advice on bringing it up, usually after actual panic attacks and freaking out. I’ve always been met with understanding about it and never pushed to talk about it until I’m ready to. Again ... a good guy/the right guy makes all the difference.
4 years ago
rosethorn​(sub female) - Good luck it sounds like you have a plan :) x
4 years ago
tallslenderguy​(other male) - Ditto Juicy (i think that was great input). Some may be living vanilla lives because they have never tasted chocolate syrup with nuts and a cherry on top. i get not wanting to be lonely/alone, and if you like him, hey, he hasn't asked you to marry him, you're just dating. Being a little open at a time, i think, is a good way to measure him. i would not plan on staying hidden, but i wouldn't hit with every thing up front... the hard part will be opening up and bit at a time. i wish you the best.
4 years ago
rosethorn​(sub female) - Yes, its trying to be open but not too soon
4 years ago
Max Sterne​(dom male){Morley} - Best of luck to you!
4 years ago

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