*insert cheesy 1950s educational film narrator voice here*
Meet Billy, an average swell guy who has some kinky fantasies he wants to experience. Well, don't we all. Hello there, little Billy!
Billy here has discovered an ONLINE KINK FORUM, and he wants to pick up a spiffy girl to be his play partner. Golly, how's he gonna do that?
Why, he just might be able to meet one if he SENDS A MESSAGE!
But wait, Billy, not so fast!
See, if you just send a message that says "hey," or "sup," or "how are u," you're probably not going to get to meet that girl. Why is that, Billy? What did you say? She must be frigid?
No, Billy, no. It's not that she doesn't want to have hot, carnal, kinky, sweaty fun with anyone. It's that she doesn't want to have it with YOU. Wanna know why?
She doesn't want to have it with YOU because you've shown absolutely no effort, and expressed no personality. There's nothing for her to work with. You're reaching out to her, and expecting her to do all the work leading a conversation. No, Billy, no! You need to give her a REASON to want to talk to you. Let's try again, ok guy?
OH NO Billy, you are typing "I want to suck ur titties, whore." Oh, Billy, what would happen if you went up to Marsha Hendersen out in front of the ice cream shoppe and said that thing? You'd get a knee to the jimmy, that's what!
Don't be a crass, gross, disrespectful motherfucker, Billy.
You see, even if Marsha does want to be tied up and called a whore whilst getting them titties sucked on, she won't want YOU to do it with that approach.
Billy, if you want to meet a partner, you've got be respectful and interesting. You've got to show respect, put your best foot forward, and give her a reason to like and trust you!
Let me help you out here a little, tiger! Instead of a no-effort short message that gives no indication as to your intentions or personality, try writing a polite introduction like a grown-ass adult. Introduce yourself. Start with your name, even if it is your screen name- but don't ask her to call you "Master" or "Sir" or "slavey mc-ass-slave." Titles are negotiated, agreed-upon things. They involve CONSENT. You know, that thing that is vital in the lifestyle? Yeah! That thing!
Tell her a little bit about yourself. How long have you been in the lifestyle. What you do for a living. What your hobbies and interests are. What you liked about her profile.
What's that? You didn't READ HER PROFILE before you went to message her? OH NO, bad Billy, bad!
See, you might see Marsha's photo and think she is awfully swell, but if you are a daddy dom looking for a baby girl, you're gonna want to read her profile. Oh dear, looks like Marsha is a massive strap-on loving femdomme who enjoys giving extreme CBT! Also, she's married and not looking for partners. You almost made a real ass out of yourself there, Billy. That wouldn't have been fun, would it?
See, profiles usually have pretty important information in them. Who the person your are looking at the name or photo of is. Where they live. Their relationship status. What they are looking for. If their profile doesn't have this information, then respectfully ask!
No, don't ask her how many fingers she enjoyes rammed up her wahoo. That's not an appropriate introductory question, Billy, come on now!
Let's look at Phoebe's profile over here. Golly, she seems nice! She's local to you, and looking for in person play instead of online, just like you! But is she monogamous or poly? Is she a sub or a domme? She doesn't say, but she does like photography and sock hops, just like you. She even enjoys the Gutters of Gorgemghast series, so you have some stuff in common. You've never heard of Lexx though, what kind of show is that?
Here, let me write a little letter for you to send to Phoebe, so you can see how it works!
"Good evening Phoebe,
My name is Billy! I hope you are having a good day.
I came across your profile tonight, and I noticed that we live in the same area. That's afwul swell!
Say, I noticed that you are into photography and sock hops. Me too! You have excellent taste in reading, too. I've never heard of Lexx, can you tell me about it, if you don't mind? What's the last photography project you did?
Hey, so it looks like you are seeking a real life play partner. Awesome, me too! I'm a monogamous sub. How about you?
Please feel free to check out my profile. Would you like to chat a bit on here, maybe get to know each other a bit?
Thank you so much for your time,
-Billy.
You see, Billy, this letter is polite, it's respectful, and it doesn't sound like a wankpuffin rolled his face on his keyboard because he was too busy jacking off to use his hands. Pretty charming! It acknowledges Phoebe as a human being, and shows that you made an effort to read her profile and write her an actual personal letter instead of copying and pasting a form letter, spewing vile stuff at a nonconsenting person like a meth addicted sex offender, or being the laziest, most boring lump of flesh that ever wasted oxygen! It opens up a number of conversation topics, and asks for ACTIVE CONSENT to engage in some interaction. It isn't pressuring her to jump on Skype so you can whack off/select your next murder target. It is interesting. It shows a willingness to connect as a person, and a desire to learn new things. Super!
So go on ahead, little Billy. Fill out your profile, write a nice introduction, and have a respectful conversation like an adult. And remember, if you have to announce that you are a supremely confident super cool TWOO DOM, you probably are actually really insecure. So, you know. Just be chill, be polite. Intensity, perversity, deep connection, and fun, all come with building trust, communicating effectively, expressing mutual respect, and establishing CONSENT.
Now, go on out there and give it a shot, Billy. Remember, if she says no to something, RESPECT HER BOUNDARIES, and have fun!
*This public service video is brought to you by EvCo! Please feel free to apply any gender identities or orientations you wish to this advice, and stay safe out there!*
