So, I am a student of Japanese Tea Ceremony, Omotesenke school, to be exact.
As such, I drink ceremonial grade matcha, prepared traditionally in a tea bowl with a whisk. It is the finest tea leaves, exposed to the least amount of sunlight, so it has as little bitterness as possible. It is plucked from the very top branches, only the first couple leaves. From there, the leaves are steamed, dried, and ground into a fine, talcum-like powder. This is used to make koicha, which is a thick tea the consistency of warm honey, without the stickiness. It is nothing like the tincture one drinks from a steeped tea bag- the leaves, themselves, are consumed. It is very intense.
Today, I practiced, for the first time, making a single bowl of thick tea for 5 people. This involved 15 grams of powdered tea leaves, as each serving of thick tea is approximately 3 grams of tea. I used some matcha that was for sure on the old side, but still safe to consume. I didn't want to fuck up really good, fresh tea.
The monstrousity I produced was not good tea. there were a couple of chunks in it. I used a bit too much water in the first pour, as one is meant to make a ganache as the leaf particles slowly absorb the water, kneading the tea until it is glossy and pulls on the whisk. Then, one adds more water, just enough that it pours into your mouth when you tilt the bowl, albeit a bit slowly. It's not meant to have chunks. The tea was for sure on the old side, too.
Still, I'm poor, and I have that guilty kind of "you can't waste that" feeling, especially since true ceremonial grade matcha from Japan (in a tin, and never from China, where the soil on tea plantations for matcha is often contaminated with lead,) is quite expensive. Therefore, I drank it all. All of it. All 15 grams. The glaze of tea left in the bowl? I turned that into usucha, which is thin tea. It all went into my body.
After, I did two loads of laundry, did the dishes, and wrote a speech. Now? Now my stomach hurts, but I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME. I am buzzing about like a fucking bumblebee. My crippled ass is flying. I climbed on my mate. I mildly frightened the cats. I ate a low carb brownie, forgetting that I made it with coffee.
I can fold space. I have become a Bene Gesserit witch. My eyes are glowing, not blue, but green. The matcha mush flow. I have seen all that was, all that is, and all that may yet come to pass. Look upon my works, o mortals, for all shall love me and DESPAIR.
Not sure how to get off ceiling, please send help.
