*in my writing below when I say I’m ready my lord, I’m thinking from Leonard cohens you want in darker (I posted this song below too). To me this song has always felt erotic. So I’m ready my lord could be I’m ready master or whatever. But in this case a dark master.. anyway, I’m writing about the choice between a self destructive reaction or a healthy one when triggered.
I’m ready my lord
I tried
It wasn’t enough
I am not enough
The terror of no response
Spinning out and finally
Floating in space
Just let go and float it’s whatever everything bad and ugly can just be there it’s fine like lying in your own filth but you don’t mind
So I’m ready my lord just take me I will sell my soul for whatever price you give me
Like a junkie just take my pain away
Or:
could I care where he didn’t? Could I be curious? Could I let go of the self bashing for a little while? Could I find tears? I am so grateful to this piano music it is the only thing that is reaching me. Going in my ear and pulling out my sadness
