Beaa

Hello everyone, 

I was just thinking earlier while reading a book (a naughty one lol) that my thoughts are confusing even for me.. 

I mean, I know this lifestyle is not like in the books or at least I can recognise the fake books..And maybe sometimes I make mistakes because I never did anything with someone so.. But my mind is like “Oh god I want to rest my head on “his” thighs while I’m kneeling. I don’t want to make decision, I want praises and to be comforted every day..” And then is like “I will never do something I don’t want to because “he” ordered me to do it! (Stubborn as hell, yes). 

So what I want? 

I know I can’t say nothing before try but I’m confusing myself